Just gone ballistic at DP, is there no chance this month or have I over reacted?

[52States]

Hi,

Been TTC for 3 months now, I know it's not long but it feels like an eternity. Nothing is going according to plan, and for various reasons I really wanted to get caught before December (Which would result in a September baby) One of the reasons being paying nursery fees for an extra year. My DD (6) is a September baby and that extra year of nursery fees was a killer, plus she was so bored at nursery for that last year and it made life very difficult. I also feel we've left the age gap too big.

Anyway, I'm due to ovulate this Friday but DP has gone away this morning to a sporting event and won't be back until Saturday morning. We DTD plenty last week, then I was away with DD on Fri until Sun, so we didn't DTD again until this Monday (4 days before ovulation) The plan was to DTD again this morning before he left, but as he leaves everything until last minute, he was in too much of a rush. I went ballistic, I know I sound unreasonable but I was so desperate to get caught this month.

It's not likely that sex on Monday is going to result in pregnancy when I ovulate this Friday is it? It's possible i'll ovulate a day earlier as I did last month, but it's obviously not certain.

Is there any chance I could conceive on Saturday?

Both mine were in private nursery. They are both March born so of course I don't have the same experience, but there was no repeating of things. That sounds like a poor nursery to me.

I think wanting an Aug baby rather than Sept baby to save on nursery fees is a shame, though I do accept that fees are a lot. Remember you'll get 15 free hours a week, so unless you and your partner both work full time the cost will go down hugely the older they get.

I can remember not wanting a Christmas baby because my mum's birthday is on Christmas day and she hates it. so while we started ttc in the February we didn't ttc the next month to avoid that happening. So imagine how surprised I was when we came round to the next February and I still wasn't pregnant. As it happened I conceived that month and ds was born in November.

When we started ttc for baby no.2 I again avoided Christmas baby conception for the first year, but after a year I figured it wouldn't happen anyway so didn't bother avoiding.

It's very rare to be able to plan your babies to the exact time you want them because nature just doesn't work like that.

Nothing really to add that hasn't already been said other than my attitude is completely the opposite to yours in that I would always be aim for a Sept/ autumn baby having seen so many August born children struggle at school.

My friends dd is August born and starts secondary next Sept she looks tiny compared to her peers, is also emotionally immature and it has done her confidence no favours at all.

Your dd now Op may have struggled with having an additional year at nursery but in the long run I think you will find it will work to her advantage. Also agree that the nursery sounds a bit rubbish if they just repeated everything

Wow. Please just relax. Besides - babies can come late or early so you can never guarantee when.

Just do it on Saturday morning instead?!

As a long term ttc-er, I'd suggest that you do not try to plan around possible dates of birth. There are so many variables, babies born very early or late, miscarriages. You just can't plan like that. If however I were planning I'd aim for a baby born between November and March. Unlikely to be the youngest in the year, and even if prem is likely to be in the same year. And you don't have to be heavily pg in summer. A baby due in September that comes early in August / July will have some problems from being both prem and from being young in the year.

TTC is really stressful, but it's nuts to get like that after only 3 months! Chill out

DH and I have been ttc for 10 years.

If it's any comfort, we conceived dd2 in a month when my calculations suggested no chance. I was pissed off with dh about missing the 'right' time too. I was just as unreasonable as you are

DC2 will be a totally different child to DC1 (obviously!) there's no point at all stressing about the possibility that he/she will be bored in nursery in 4 years time.

Good luck!

ladies, you have been extremely helpful, i needed to be put firmly in my place.

i am one of life's worriers, also one of those that plans life to the nth degree, constantly writing lists. some would call me a control freak and to be honest, it does me no favours, i'm always stressed and nothing has really ever gone to plan anyway! i realise now that it's all down to nature. this is something i cannot plan. i fell pregnant with DD bang in the middle of my cycle, we dtd just once that month and it was the first time we had never used contraception. she wasn't planned. i guess i naively thought i was extremely fertile and it would happen like that again.

if i get caught next month, that means (if all went to plan) 2 kids with september birthdays, normally i would panic about that, but i will forget all about it and see what happens.

strongandlong can i ask, when did you conceive dd2? was it before you ovulated or after?

Nice post 52. It's nice when someone asks for advice and then listens to it.

God, that sounds bloody patronising, sorry. It's just refreshing to see someone admit their shortcomings in such an open and honest way.

I wish you much fun conceiving dc2.

thanks bonkers this ttc stuff has turned me into a crank actually i was one anyway so i will take on board the advice, perhaps it'll happen sooner if i chill the fuck out!

MN at its helpful best .

There's only one thing you can be sure about with TTC, OP: it will surprise you!

A friend of mine had her DC due in late Oct; DC arrived on August 31st, so both prem and the youngest in the year. Another friend conceived DC1 first try but took 18 months with DC2.

I am currently dithering about applying for an awesome job because we've already delayed TTC for my career, but I worry about losing mat pay. Realistically I know it could take forever!

Good luck

Hi OP

Well done for taking everybody's advice on board.

I honestly don't remember the details now. I just remember that we didn't do it at what I thought (in my stressed out TTC state) was the right time.

Good luck