The "when are you having kids?" question

[lucifermourning]

So a lot of my friends and co-workers have gotten pregnant lately. And more people seem to have decided that it's okay to ask me when I'm going to have kids, whether all these pregnancies are making me want one, etc.

As someone who's been trying to conceive for nearly a year, it's actually a pretty sensitive and upsetting subject. Trying to keep positive etc., but I don't really want to share with all and sundry. And even if you've only just started trying, how do you even answer that?

I've never been secretive about wanting kids someday, but I just don't know how to respond to a question about timings when the answer is "as soon as possible" but I might not get pregnant any time soon. The last thing I want is people wondering what's wrong with me :(

And some of these people are good friends, the kind who I'd never expect it from.

Suggestions very much appreciated.

Feel free to use it :) hope it helps. The only time i have regretted the response was the one which went 'oh, yeah, I know, it took three months for us to get pregnant'. Hard not to feel a bit

I think I know some people who would respond to that with 'oh so you are trying then?' X

And I don't know how I would then respond?! Lol

I find people never stop asking if you're going to have children/more children.

I have two and want a third, and people are always asking, 'so, are you going to have another then?' We have been trying for about 9 months, so I tend to say, 'yes we would love another, but it might not happen'.

I think a vague response, hinting at the fact that yes you do want children, are probably trying and it hasn't happened yet, but are not about to disclose all the gory details is the best bet!

I like AnotherEmma's responses of "we do want kids but you can't always control the timing" or "it doesn't happen straight away for everyone", and JeniJena's 'babies don't always come to order, you know'.

Nice and simple, cuts the conversation off, and you haven't had to tie yourself up in knots giving reasons you don't want children when it's the thing you want more than anything in the world.

samc85 I think the key is implementing PacificDogwood's deflection technique alongside one of the honest(ish) answers above, by quickly following up with a question about the other person such as 'anyway, enough about me how are you? What did you get up to at the weekend' etc etc...

Then if people are rude enough to push you on it, I would close the conversation down by saying that it isn't something you want to discuss any further.

It is hard. We're ttc number 2 so have been getting the comments about timing from a few people. I just told my sister how long we'd been ttc this time, so she and my mother can stop dropping 'helpful hints' about the fact that I am not getting any younger.

For other people who I don't want to engage with about this, in response to 'so when are you going to have another child?' I tend to look them blankly in the face and say 'well, not within the next 9 months anyway.' People usually shut up.

I used to say " if I'm lucky to be able to have a children it will be when we can afford it" stopped most people asking !
I got asked by a lady I met in the park This morning " have you only got the one?? Yes I replied so next q was would u like to have more? Of course I said yes shall see how things go and if I'll be blessed to have another...

Ahh this annoys me too!!

We've been TTC for a few months now, got married on Saturday & on the Sunday the amount of people that asked 'when are you going to have children??' Err let me try & retrieve some of the money I just spent on a wedding!!

It'll happen when the time is right - fingers crossed!!

One of my colleagues kept patting me me on the stomach saying"come on...what you waiting for?" !!!! Each time I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything to say. Last time she did it about a month ago I said "when I stop having miscarriages...i'll let you know how I get on." That shut her up. And of course I was filled with remorse after until my DH reminded me she's a doctor and she should know better.

I don't say this to everyone mainly because it's none of their bloody business but she pushed me a bit too far and I was in the process of having my 3d miscarriage being 10 weeks gone.
I am continually amazed at peoples' thoughtlessness.
If I can I usually just say "well keep you fingers crossed for us".
to all of you x