Choosing a sperm donor???

[BeckyBoo83]

Hi All,

First time poster, long time lurker

Sorry for the bizarre question but I'm starting to drive myself crazy trying to decide so I thought I'd ask for opinions from you lovely ladies....

Basically, I've made the decision to have a baby alone and will be trying to conceive using a sperm donor and IUI. My problem - for want of a better word - is that I'm having trouble deciding on which ethnicity i should choose for my donor sperm. I myself am mixed race (mother is white British, father half Mauritian half Malagasy) with a medium skin colour,black hair and my fathers African facial features. My younger brother has my mothers pale complexion and facial features and medium brown hair. Our father left when we were both young and we have no contact with him or his side of the family. My mother remarried and my step father, half brother, step brother and step sister are all white British.
I am undecided as to wether to choose a mixed race donor or a Caucasian donor. My worry is that if I choose a Caucasian donor, my baby might not have any resemblance to me at all but if I choose a mixed race donor, my baby will grow up feeling 'different' to everyone else (something I experienced growing up).
I have rambled on for longer than I intended too and I'm not even sure if what I've said makes any sense lol but opinions on this would be greatly appreciated!

B x

Hi Becky
Your post makes complete sense, but I'm not sure I'm going to be of much help. What I would like to say is that even if your child doesn't look much like you (perfectly possible in any dual-parent relationship too of course) they will still be half you... so even if that half doesn't come out in looks, it may come out in temperament, abilities etc. Also, I really don't think you will give too hoots about what they look like once they are born - especially given the child will still have half your genes.

However, don't forget that if you happened to have found a partner and he was Caucasian, you would be in the same boat as if you choose a Caucasian donor - but you wouldn't be on here posing the question, I bet! Choices do funny things to us - and I think what I'm trying to say is that you are only agonising over this because you have the choice, whereas in any other circumstance you wouldn't give it a second thought (and I suspect that will be the case in the end, whatever decision you do make).

Your mother may be a good person to talk to, given that she has had two children who look quite different, and your father wasn't really in the picture.

I think you should maybe consider the other information you get about the donors (eg health / background etc) first as in reality this may well be more important. Perhaps only consider the race after you have narrowed down other aspects.

Hi Becky,

haven't got much advice but just wanted to say I am white British and my partner is mixed (afro carribean/ White British) we have just had our first child together and I can tell you he is the spitting image of his father but as white as the driven snow . it makes no difference, he looks nothing like me but I care not and his dad cares not about the colour of his skin, we love him he is perfect.

what I'm trying to say is, it won't matter in the grand scheme of things, your child will be the most beautiful baby ever made in your eyes. Try not to get too hung up on the decision just go with whatever feels right.

Thanks for that ladies!
I know I'm worrying over something that will make no difference at all once I'm actually holding a baby in my arms...I just think too much and start to freak myself out!

B x