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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Why aren't I pregnant?!!!

22 replies

gemsparkle84 · 19/10/2014 07:27

Feeling frustrated! I'm 30 years old and hubby and I have been TTC our first baby for 3 cycles now... I'm currently on day 34 of my cycle. I usually have cycles of around 30-34 days however last month my cycle was 37 days. As we had been 'trying' I was pretty disheartened when my period finally arrived. I suppose I know we have only been trying for a short amount of time but I guess I feel like I have taken my fertility for granted! After very carefully using condoms for the past 3 years and the pill before that, I always thought we would get pregnant straight away. It's almost as if our generation has been conditioned to believe that one accident and it's game over! Anyway... I've done another test first thing this morning and another negative test. I think I am ovulating on day 20-22, would it be too soon to test? Am I being ridiculus testing so soon? Starting to get a bit paranoid. Heading off to work now, think I'll be buying myself a bottle of white on the way home ?? anyway anybody any experience of a few neg tests before a positive? Also any first time tryers who have taken longer to get pregnant than they thought? Xxx

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 19/10/2014 07:31

3 cycles? 12 months is perfectly normal, longer is not unusual.

You need to relax and enjoy ttc 3 months in or else you'll drive yourself nuts.

TinkerBlue · 19/10/2014 07:40

3??? Is that a typo? If not I'd recommend you do a bit of reading around on ttc and get things into perspective? Good luck

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 19/10/2014 07:46

It took us 12 months to conceive. I was 28, fit and healthy, no known fertility issues, knew exactly when I ovulated and DTD at the right time each month, followed all the advice on boosting fertility (no alcohol etc) and it still took 12 months. 3 months, in terms of TTC, is nothing! No reason to worry at all just yet.

TheTravellingLemon · 19/10/2014 07:51

3 months is no time at all so don't worry. First time round it took me 6 months, this time that milestone is a distant memory and still no joy. Take your folic acid and keep going! Good luck.

Original poster

gemsparkle84 · 19/10/2014 08:28

Thanks ladies. I know all of this, it's just good to hear it from other people! X

OP posts:

SueBridehead · 19/10/2014 08:34

It is very frustrating, isn't it? Even though it's just 3 cycles it makes a difference when they are so long and you do go into it believing it will happen when you choose. I still hear friends who are single and in their 30s say that they will meet someone in the next few years and then have a child the following year as if it just happens exactly when you choose. I also have colleagues who claim to have become pregnant a couple of weeks after stopping the pill so I suppose it can happen for some.

I am on cycle 4 and also naively believed it would happen really soon: am 31, fit, healthy and have never used hormonal contraception. Have also dtd every second day as recommended apart from obviously when have af. I have now just decided to stop putting pressure on myself and not to obsess. Am dtd as much as possible but apart from that am doing nothing very differently.

Mrsgrumble · 19/10/2014 08:50

Took 12 months here too.. Seems fairly standard when I talk to friends etc.

PotteringAlong · 19/10/2014 08:56

It can happen for some - with my first child I was pregnant 7 weeks after coming off the depo injection. With my second child we were ttc for 17 months. It's just the way it is!

BlinkAndMiss · 19/10/2014 09:04

3 months does feel like forever when you're tcc, I feel for you as I felt the same way even though realistically it's not that long. You don't need to
question your fertility just yet .

Your cycle sounds like mine - I ovulate between day 20-22. My BFP was negative at 11dpo and positive at 13dpo - so cd35 I think. It was very light though, so it does depend on the day you ovulate. I only got a BFP at 14dpo with my DS and it definitely was as I was using OPKs.

Try to stay relaxed and do a test in a few days if AF stays away. I ended up with my phone torch behind my negative test, I could almost make out a line but there is no way a medical professional would have considered it a BFP! It was stressful, I was convinced I was having a chemical etc, etc, etc. Give yourself a deadline, that way if a BFP hasn't materialised by then you have a plan.

Good luck, Fx for your BFP soon .

ilovehotsauce · 19/10/2014 09:05

I agree that lots of women of our generation have taken their fertility for granted, but 3 months isn't very long read ttc boards.

It took about 14 months with 1 mc to get dd, I was 25/26-27 when she was born.

We will be trying early next year as I'm worried it will be the same again and I want the next one before I'm 30.

m33r · 19/10/2014 09:05

20 months here. 30-31 fit, healthy, etc etc. First six months very relaxed if a little 'timed'; next six months opks; next six months loads of tests etc. 20 months BFP following a laparoscopy. I think the majority get there by 6-12minths (though you wouldn't necessarily masses of these people on conception forums) so try not to let my journey worry you BUT the reason I tell you, is you cann't put you life on hold. Someone I knew had worse journey than me and then had her little baby after four years. She said to me 'I just wish I could get the last four years of my life back.'

Good luck and try to enjoy it especially in these early days x

ToAvoidConversation · 19/10/2014 09:10

21 months here after three rounds of Clomid! I assumed it would happen easily too. I don't think you'll have as much trouble as me.

Fruityb · 19/10/2014 12:32

12 months here. I totally understand your frustration as you think it'll just happen. I've had longer months than others, two where I dared to think just maybe I'd done it. Alas not yet. Good to know it's not uncommon, but I feel your pain.

BobsyBoo · 19/10/2014 19:34

3 months isn't long at all, I'm 21 months & still trying! I'm not saying it will take that long for you though.

Good luck.

TheProofIsInThePudding · 20/10/2014 22:43

To be honest, I don't think the 'only 3 months?!' comments are particularly helpful. I'm sure that every month feels like an eternity when TTC, be it for 3 months or 3 years.

gem it's OK to feel frustrated and disappointed when faced with a BFN or AF. Worrying about it won't change anything, however, so onwards and upwards to the next cycle.

Each cycle your chance of conceiving remains pretty much the same. You can improve the chances by DTD at the optimum time, and creating stronger sperm and eggs and environment through good diet, or certain supplements/medicine. There's not necessarily any reason why couple X get pregnant first time, but couple Y takes 12 months. It is just a game of chance.

If you are pregnant, chances are that a test would show positive at this point in your cycle. Some ladies prefer to wait until their period is definitely late before testing in case they have what is known as a 'chemical pregnancy'. This is where an egg is fertilised and starts to implant, but very shortly afterwards miscarries. These eggs are most likely not viable because of severe genetic defects. They often appear to be a period that might be a couple of days late. It's very common and you wouldn't know any different if you hadn't done an early test. Some women would prefer to know, others wouldn't.

Good luck! I hope everything works out for you.

Original poster

gemsparkle84 · 20/10/2014 22:48

Thank you xx

OP posts:

MsBug · 20/10/2014 22:59

I get where you are coming from, sex education for teenagers is (or was) designed to put the fear of god into you - 'if you have unprotected sex just once then you WILL get pregnant, and childbirth will be the most horribly painful thing ever and your life will be basically over'. It's a bit of a surprise when none of those things turn out to be true

But three months is nothing, I think the average is six to twelve months.

Hyland · 20/10/2014 23:17

Don't feel guilty for your frustration on your 3rd cycle. I have been trying for 35 cycles and wish I had of realised from the beginning that u need to know how ur body operates from ovulating different times each month to understanding mucus signs and what test can be done and how much u have to push ur doctor and have ur partner on the same wavelength

Hyland · 20/10/2014 23:18

Never to early to start taking it more seriously is what I mean lol :) good luck x

Orangeisthenewbanana · 21/10/2014 13:05

I was feeling a bit like that last month gem We conceived DD within 6 weeks without really trying, so I guess I thought it would be the same this time round. I was a bit hormonal and looked on the NHS website - around 92% of couples under 35 will conceive naturally within 12 months. That did reassure me a lot, even though I'd prefer it not to take that long obviously!

It is mostly just luck. We got upduffed much more quickly than a lot of friends and family last time. Second time round, they all got pregnant first month of trying and we're still going. Like another poster said, it's about trying not to let it take over your lives I guess (easier said than done!).

naty1 · 21/10/2014 20:41

It isnt a long time i got pg 2yr3mth after ttc with ivf.
It is worth reading about common issues like pcos, hypothroidism etc just in case you have any symptoms.
And in few months getting oh to have a sperm test. As we gound out after over a yr dh had less than a million.

Are your cycles 37 days then so you have 14 day lp?

Original poster

gemsparkle84 · 22/10/2014 09:31

Hi naty1 I'm not sure as I haven't really done the whole opk thing so not sure how long my lp is. Just started my period today meaning my last 2 cycles have been 37 days. When monitoring cm I feel as though I am ovulating around day 22/23 meaning yes I am having around a 2 week lp. Is this average? Thanks xx

OP posts:

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