TTC with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

[MalibuDaisy]

Hi there,

This is my first post here - I literally took my last contraceptive pill yesterday so as of now my husband and I will be trying to conceive.

I've suffered from Body Dysmorphic Disorder for most of my adult life following an eating disorder in my late-teens and early-20s. It peaks and troughs - things got particularly bad this year and I have been in therapy since early summer. My husband and I have talked a lot about it and we feel that things are back on an even enough keel for us to start trying to conceive. I don't feel that I'm a naturally maternal person, but I have plenty of non-BDD suffering friends who thought the same and they have gone on to make excellent mothers. I love my cats to distraction so I take this as a good sign!

I'll worry about the effects of BDD during pregnancy if and when the time comes - my hope is that once the notion of having a perfect body is taken out of my hands I'll be more forgiving of myself - but I just wondered if anyone else has any experience of trying to conceive with BDD? I'm particularly worried about the process itself - my husband and I only just rekindled that side of things whilst on holiday (I'm more body confident on holiday, don't ask me why!) but I'm worried that I'll be too nervous and body-conscious to keep it up. Also, whilst I have an excellent diet and exercise is my favourite hobby, I tend to drink when stressed. And the idea of planning for a baby whilst trying to keep my BDD at bay seems a pretty stressful one to me!

So any experience or advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks for your time.

MalibuDaisy

Are you still in therapy? Would your therapist be able to give you help and support? I don't know how effective cbt is for your condition, would that help do you think?

I'm sorry I don't have personal experience, but posts disappear down the board so fast on MN and can often just not get seen and I didn't want you to think nobody cared.

Thanks for your reply, that's ever so kind of you :)

I didn't necessarily expect a reply as I suppose it's a bit of a niche subject, but I can't stand BDD groups (too much negativity) and as I don't really want to tell friends or family that we're going to be trying for a baby this seemed like the next best option.

The therapy I've been getting is CBT-based but to be honest I haven't been getting on too well with it - immersion-based therapy just seems to bring more anxiety and misery to life - but I've taken away a better understanding of my condition so that's something. I think perhaps I just need to get out into the big wide world a bit more than I do - I work from home and the more time I spend by myself the weirder it gets trying to be around other people.

The person who takes my sessions isn't really qualified to "talk" - only to administer the CBT process. I have my last session on Friday though so I might see if she can suggest a referral. I don't like to lean too heavily on my husband - he tries to understand but it's difficult for him to get how his slim, pretty wife could spend so much time being down on herself!

Thanks again for your input x x x

Malibu - maybe Google mindfulness and see what you think of it. It often helps when CBT doesn't

Thank you Blue2014, I haven't heard of mindfulness, but will look into it today :) x