Dealing with friends BFPs

[chelsbells]

One of my closest friends has told me this morning that she is 7 weeks pregnant, and I honestly am happy for her but I am insanely jealous!

Me and DH have been trying for 18 months now - had initial tests which have all come back clear - her and her BF haven't even been trying and it's happened.

I feel like crying and can't explain it. I AM happy for her but feel like I can't face seeing her anytime soon - yet I have to because as of tomorrow we will be working together so in the next 14 hours I need to get a grip but I don't know how.

As much as I keep telling myself it's just not our time yet and filling my thoughts with philosophical thoughts and how it will be us soon, I still want to burst into tears.

Am I an awful friend who just needs to man up or is it ok to feel like this?! I've congratulated her and said I'm here if she needs anything but I think right now I need some me space - is this normal and fair from someone who has been trying for so long?!

How does everyone else deal with their friends BFP news?

Hi Chels.

What a shock and a horrible situation. I completely understand your feelings. I get random pangs of ill feeling towards anyone I see with a pram, let alone knowing their personal circumstances.

What you need to remember though, and will believe me, is that this is not your friend's fault. Did you tell her you were ttc? Or have you told her about your predicament now? If not (and don't take that as me telling you you should have done, because it is very personal news) she won't understand why you suddenly need space. She is understandably feeling overwhelmed and happy and wanted to share this with you. The fact she has told you before 12 weeks shows how much faith she has in you and how much she wanted you to know personally.

See that as the great accolade it is and that this is just good news for someone else, not bad news for you. In the meantime, if you want to go hit a door, scream at the wall etc then nobody will blame you. I'd scream my head off. The key is not to take it personally, which is incredibly hard. Give yourself some me time, take a deep breath and be as positive as you can about it.

BIG HUGS!!! You're going to be ok. xxx

Thank you Katherine, I think that's exactly what I needed to hear!

She knows we've been trying and has been there for me lots and so I really need to return the favor and support her; she has already said she appreciates that it's difficult news for me to hear and I equally accept how hard it must have been for her to tell me! But I'm glad she has.

It's very true what you say about it being good news for her and in turn it doesn't make it bad news for me, will try and keep that in mind! Thanks for replying - and for the hug, hugely needed!

I'm in a similar situation. I've been struggling to conceive my second for 21 months, I know I'm very lucky to have my DD who is 4, but finding it hard seeing everyone who had their first around same time or after me have their second, some have even had or pregnant with third. A colleague who's DC is only 2 got pg on first cycle of trying for #2 so I'm finding that really difficult to take. It's always been very important to me for DD to have a sibling.

What you are feeling is very understandable and don't be hard on yourself for feeling that way.

I hope you don't mind me posting I know my situation is not entirely the same.

Good luck hope you get your BFP soon.

Hi Bobsy,

That must be hard, although it's not exactly the same I can still understand the feeling of wanting a baby doesn't change if it's your first or second or third or more I imagine! It's just so hard!

Slowly accepting the idea that she's soon going to have a bump and I'm going to have to see it everyday - I think that's the bit that's going to be the worst... Seeing her bloom each day and still feeling rubbish that its not me

Fingers and toes crossed that this month is 'the' month!

Yes that's what's worst for me the thought of my colleague getting her bump & me unable to conceive.

Yes definitely fx for this month.