Brave or stupid: you decide

[wanttobeamummyin2015]

Here is the scenario:

I am doing professional qualifications at the moment while working full time, with there being one 3 hour exam every 6 months. I need to pass 8 to qualify, currently have passed 3, next one in November.

We have decided to ttc #1. We originally decided to start mid-October (after first af now I am off the pill) so baby would be due earliest in August (30wks pregnant during June exam). Will do the other exams when baby born, either one during mat leave, or all when I return to work, yet to be decided.

I have read lots of things about people taking a while to get pregnant, it not happening straight away and that they wished they had started sooner. So now I think, why wait? It might not even happen for a few months.

So question is, am I brave or stupid to consider getting pregnant now and sitting an exam next summer potentially 34/35 weeks pregnant and my exam in November potentially 8/9 weeks pregnant? I dont know how my body will react to being pregnant who knows!

Need advice!

DH is easy either way, dont think he is bothered whether it is now or in a month! But I am getting impatient and just want to get going

Thanks :)

wanttobe, 23, ttc #1

Hi, I think you sound ready to start trying. To be honest there is no right time to have a baby and as much as we like to think we are planning it, we're not and you will conceive if your body is ready.
In some ways it is better to have other planned things lined up, as the pressure to make a baby can have the potential to consume your thoughts, and be the only reason that relations happen between partners after a while. Being occupied with exams means the pressure is off to conceive.
It is not guaranteed that conception will happen straight away, and if it doesn't matter when you conceive then again there is another pressure not there. It can also take some time for your body to adjust to its natural cycle now that you're no longer on the pill.
It is a brave thing to decide to want to become a parent, there's nothing stupid about any thing you have said.
I'm no expert, but if your exams can happen around the pregnancy based on the timeline you mention, then why not start to try
2015 sounds like it could be your year

Hi Scotty thanks for the advice, you sound very wise! Just needed reassurance I think, I am a bit of a control freak! Think I know how I feel so will see what happens I guess as a month won't make much difference really. You are right about the pressures I am sure having exams will take the pressure off!

I have a different point of view for you. I'm afraid I do think it is highly inadvisable to ttc while you are studying, especially as you are still young and so the biological clock is not an issue.

There is never a 'right' time but there definitely are wrong times and for me, your situation would definitely be the wrong time. If I were you I would focus on qualifying and establishing your career for a couple of years.

Although we are now struggling to conceive, I don't regret that I am well qualified, have established a career, have enjoyed a disposable income in my 20s, travelled, am married and own a house. For me it was important to get strong foundations in place for my future family and do things in what I consider to be the right order.

I'm sure many will disagree, but its just a different point of view for you.

Also I know 2 people recently that have had debilitating morning sickness, you wouldn't be able to work or study and how much harder will studying and working be with a baby to look after? Honestly, I would wait a bit until things are more settled for you. Why make life harder for yourself!?

Other than the studying everything else is sorted and ready for a baby: I am married, we have our own house and have enough savings put by for baby and maternity leave so that is not a problem. We were always going to have a baby within the next year (assuming biology works!) was just re the exams really. But i am only doing one at a time and it is 12 weeks of seminars (1 a week) then the exam so luckily it is not constant studying like at uni. Do think now though that there never is the perfect time... Tbh think we will just chill out and see what happens :) thanks for the advice though it is good to hear different opinions - it is a v big decision as it changes everything!

I have had 2 bad pregnancies (9 months sickness plus other pains/insomnia etc). No way could I have done an exam at 8/9weeks pregnant or even 34/35 weeks (I was on bedrest from 30weeks with the 2nd pregnancy)

Also I couldnt have done exams on mat leave with either baby. dS1 cos he was a high needs, refluxy non-sleeping baby and DS2 cos I was seriously ill after giving birth and took a few months to recover.

Now that might sound extreme but I dont think Im that unusual.

Personally Id wait at least until you're qualified, maybe even a couple of years after that to get established. For both my pregnancies I got pregnant first month TTC so that is a real possibility too.

Hi shahsham

Oh dear that really doesn't sound good! Sounds like you ha a tough time.

I don't have any history of difficult pregnancies etc in my family but I suppose it could happen to anyone.

DH and I really don't want to wait a couple of years. We want to be you get parents, DH especially. He wanted babies yesterday let alone in 2yrs! I think my job is pretty table - I have direct line of succession into the qualified role whih will more than triple my salary and the organisation want to build me into that role so I think it would be ok. As don't think that vacancy would arise for few years anyway. It is difficult to plan things!

Argh don't know what I think

Neither brave nor stupid.
You cannot really plan when you'll get pregnant. And there will always be something that makes it not really convenient: an exam, a holiday, a wedding, moving house, illness in the family... The list goes on. Pregnancy is not an illness, you can still do most things. And if there are things you cannot do (for instance because you are feeling miserable), people will understand and that thing you cannot do can probably wait.

Well get to it then ;-)