really struggling with lack of conception.

[googoodolly]

I'm not sure if this is the right topic but I really need help.

DP and I have been TTC since June. I'm 25 and he's 34. He has three DC and I had a MC at 19 so there are no fertility issues.

TTC itself isn't hard but there's something I'm really struggling with. DP has had problems with his ex and contact and it's finally starting to settle and become regular which is good. I wasn't the OW before I get jumped on for that.

Anyway, I'm really struggling with the fact that he has this little family with someone else when we're struggling to concieve. It breaks my heart when he talks about his children because I really want a family with him and I hate that I feel this way. His kids are wonderful but I don't know what to do to stop the jealousy

I was too scared to post this in step-parenting so please be nice.

bump x

I'm sorry you're finding it hard to deal with your DPs children when you want children of your own, but 3 months ttc really isn't a long time. At your age a GP wouldn't even entertain the idea of investigating unless you had been ttc for a year. Between 6mths-1year is the norm where there are no fertility issues. Hopefully knowing this will allow you to re-set your expectations and maybe things will be easier for you wrt to your DP's children. Good luck.

I know it's not long we couldn't start trying any earlier for financial reasons.

It hasn't changed my attitude wrt his children because they're lovely but I don't know how to stop it stinging.

Do they live with you? Would it help if you planned a couple of nice things to do with just you and the children? Or family time with all of you? Park/swimming/DVD and popcorn.
Have you told your DP how you feel? If the children don't live with you could he perhaps spare you some of the minor details? Obviously he will want your support with the bigger things, but if he doesn't mention minor/insignificant stuff then it might help?
I'm not much help, sorry. Hopefully someone else will come along with better suggestions.

thank you

no, they don't live with us. DP sees them on his own once a week while I work and we have them EOW or more if he's not working.

it's not so much hearing the details it's just...I find it hard that we don't have our own family. he knows how I feel and he's wonderful but he can't change my feelings unfortunately.

I guess I just need to have more patience - how do I do that?! lol

If you find out please let me know!

A friend of mine who couldn't have children said that the hardest bit was that the ex wife had and she couldn't so I can see why you would feel this way. It can feel a bit like a competition sometimes. Three months is still early days though, if you don't already know how long it took to conceive your DSC don't ask! No tips on patience though sorry but good luck!

thanks

it's harder I think because I have nothing against his ex and we're friendly and I get on with the DC.

the hard part is that the kids aren't "mine" and I do struggle with that part of it

I know I need to be patient though!