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When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

How do you make dtd not all about ttc?

21 replies

Jcandy · 05/09/2014 08:20

Hi all,

We have only just started ttc but I've come up against a potential issue already. My dp and I don't have a very active dtd life....... Like maybe once a month normally. I think it's generally due to tiredness and going to bed at different times but I'm a little worried it's going to cause us issues with ttc.

How can I make it so that every time we dtd (which will have to be a LOT more than we are now) not be all about trying to make a baby?

Any ideas or similar situations welcome Smile

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 05/09/2014 09:13

I was in the exact same situation except prior to TTC our sex life was even less active than yours. DTD for TTC purposes was actually quite awkward because it felt like we were having sex for the wrong reason, I.w something we had to do as opposed to wanting to do it. It was really strange.

We only DTD three times over the course of 9 days (which is probably normal for most couples) and luckily I fell pregnant on our first cycle.

I often wonder how our sex life and our TTC journey would have been if it had taken months and months.

Sorry I have nothing helpful to say but I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in this problem.

Original poster
Jcandy · 05/09/2014 09:22

Thank you for replying writer. What you said is helpful as at least I know I'm not alone! I just hope I can be as lucky as you!

I just want to be relaxed and see how it goes for the first few months, I'm hoping doing it that way and trying not to force it too much will make it seem more natural to us.....

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 05/09/2014 10:00

I guess it's hard not to really because with the best will in the world. When you're ttc and dtd. It's always on your mind. Is it going to happen. Will this be the sex that works.
I mean I am in my fertile week next week so we have both taken the week off to spend in bed all week or at least dtd everyday. Yes we're going to be having fun, but it will be on both are minds

Emilyjane11 · 06/09/2014 15:39

I have been in a similar situation. I suffer from depression and very bad panic attacks and sometimes i won't think about sex for weeks, luckily my man is very understanding about this but what we have done is try new things, we have been exploring each other again, a lot of kissing and touching without actually DTD and then by the time we go to bed we are both really up for it. I think its important to enjoy the build up, this was something I never really did whilst TTC it was more a case of "okay let's go!" But we are now trying to spend some time talking, laughing kissing and things before DTD which helps, sounds silly but its amazing how much these things slide when you have been with each other a while

Emilyjane11 · 06/09/2014 15:40

I also want to add that I'm not and never have been pregnant but this is what we have been doing whilst trying to concieve.

Foxtrot7459 · 06/09/2014 15:56

Prior to ttc I could probably count on 1 hand the number of times me and DH had dtd in the last 2 years! I must admit ttc feels very much like a process rather than what it should be. When I'm in my fertile window we dtd every other day - the most we have managed is four times in a cycle, but it's been 2-3 most times. We both have stressful jobs and are knackered at end of day. Our best chance is on the weekend but even then some times we are working.

We have been successful (dtd 3 times that cycle) but unfortunately it ended in mc. Now it's really hard to try and pinpoint the fertile window as cycles all over the place.

I've not found a wake to make dtd anything other than about ttc so any advice is welcome!

bonzo77 · 06/09/2014 15:59

its very hard (see what I did there?!). I think it's important to dtd at other times of the month too, to remind both of you what else sex is good for. Occasionally doing something a bit different too, helps keep in interesting. From a practical point of view, I find that lots of sex can make me sore, so sometimes we concentrate on lots of foreplay so he is practically ready to come before he goes in, so there is less thrusting to make me sore. Luckily I come very quickly so this is not at the detriment of my pleasure.

SueBridehead · 06/09/2014 16:43

This has also been on my mind. Our normal amount is once a week but we have increased it to 2-3 for the last couple of months whilst ttc.

We also both have stressful jobs and work loooong hours so just finding the energy and time is hard.. Dh has sometimes just said he is too tired (during the most fertile period)!

I'm just trying to take it easy and not put pressure on him, eg, not tell him about my cycle, symptoms, etc. and be romantic as well!

Original poster
Jcandy · 06/09/2014 16:49

Glad to see others aren't always finding it easy to always dtd too!

emilyjane I think that's a really good suggestion

I hope I can figure out my cycles soon so at least we can time it better, every other day just won't work at the moment!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jcandy · 06/09/2014 16:54

Yeah I know what you mean suebridehead I think our problem is being too tired too. I can't decide whether my dp will be better knowing about the fertile period or not. Don't want to pressurise him

OP posts:
TheDalek · 06/09/2014 18:45

We've been TTC for four months and it's hard not to make it all about TTC, as we just didn't dtd much before, we were fine with it then but now it feels like we're just robots trying to make a baby. Making sure to be romantic and always kissing/cuddling so it kind of naturally leads on. I think what really helped is to dtd in the 2ww etc too, so it isn't all about ttcing.

otter32 · 06/09/2014 19:01

I was in a pretty similar place. Cycle 4 of trying for our first. I would recommend you can still laugh about it. Try to keep it light hearted as much as you can. My other half is being a real sport and dtd when I ask! Most of the time anyway! Good luck!

Emilyjane11 · 06/09/2014 19:23

I agree with the above. I think its hard not to get carried away with all the jargon around trying to get period and all the ovulation monitoring etc but it has to be a fun experience.

My partner and I were going through a very rough patch after he betrayed my trust and I've been finding it hard to even want to get intimate with him, i know that's nothing to do with what we are talking about here but it helped me to go back to basics and learn to be close to him again, and i think i have taken that into ttc, making things exciting ect.

P.s how do i tag someone in a post back?

Original poster
Jcandy · 06/09/2014 22:09

emily if you out a * either side of the name it will write it in bold Smile

Yeah getting back to basics seems to be the way to go

OP posts:
Gemerama82 · 07/09/2014 08:51

We would only dtd 2 or 3 times a month if not ttc. The most of the time it is very much 'right we need to do this'll. But I don't find its a problem Andre is able to rise to test occasion so it's not really a problem ;-)

Gemerama82 · 07/09/2014 08:53

Andre?? Lol! Stupid predictive text!!!! I meant DH! Andre may be nice too though. Good to have a back up!!

Original poster
Jcandy · 08/09/2014 08:55

Thank you everyone, managed to dtd last night without it feeling too weird and awkward. Just hope we can manage every 2-3 days but will just have to see!

OP posts:
TheDalek · 09/09/2014 00:11

Good luck Smile

SweetsForMySweet · 09/09/2014 00:28

You could use ovulation sticks so you're dtd at right time of your cycle
Have fun trying!! Don't put
too much pressure on yourself or your relationship.

Lally112 · 09/09/2014 01:04

What about sneaking around (MiLs house is always good for us) or outdoors somewhere secluded maybe? new lingerie, maybe shop for it together? I think you just have to be inventive sometimes but sneaking around deffo works for us.

xBlueberry88x · 09/09/2014 15:46

Ive found that men like to be wooed just as much as we do.

I expected my dp just to like the fact we were going to be having lots of sex lol.

After 18 months of ttc im not bored of it (although im fed up and angry with not being pg) but we still enjoy the sex.

Buy some toys, try new things together, play games, enjoy the build up.

One month I dressed up in something different every day of my fertile period and he liked that!!

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