Terrified about TTC in a couple of months!

[Binky23]

Hey everyone, long time lurker of forums but this is the only one I've signed up to because it's such a good community and I would love to be a part of it.. anyway here is a bit of background :

I have been with my bf for over 2 years, we moved into our first house together a few months ago and have been talking about having a baby for pretty much the whole time we have been together. He is 10 years older than me and doesn't want to be an "old dad" and I have recently got a new permanent job (I have been contracting for a few years) and start in a couple weeks. Everything has fallen into place and we always said we would start TTC when I got a permanent job role and we got a house, but now those things have happened and we have decided on when to try (November!! ) I have been overcome with sheer terror!

Its all I can think about, I am so scared of TTC, of getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth, being a mum.... but before I got this job all I could dream about was a baby of my own and I was 100% in love with becoming a mum but now the word mum makes my stomach turn!! What is wrong with me! I also feel like I'm cheating on my new boss by planning on TTC a couple months into the job

I have read so many posts about TTC but was anyone scared before they even started to try?? Is there anything I can do to overcome my anxiety? I just feel so alone I watch all the baby programs, all the documentaries that follow pregnant women on their journey to motherhood and I thought they would help me get over my sudden fear but I think they have made me worse!!

Thanks so much for reading this, I am sorry to have wrote so much but it feels so good to let it all out xx

You don't sound ready at all. What's the rush? 2 years is not that long at all to know somebody. I know people have babies all the time but if you're not sure then you should wait.

Also it's up to you, but I would suggest posting in Relationships as well as here. This forum doesn't get much traffic and lots of posters have hidden it from their active conversations which means you won't find many posters here who have been through the TTC thing, only people who are still doing it or about to start like you are. I think you'll get a wider range of advice and opinions on Relationships :)

Hey BertieBotts thanks for the reply the thing is I was SO ready for this, I just seemed to have complete 180s, one day I'm fine the next far from it!

I was pregnant when I was 17 and I knew I wasn't ready and terminated the pregnancy, and it was the worst thing I have ever done in my life. It took several years for me to come to terms with and fully grieve and even now I will have the odd day (especially on the anniversary) where I get down. I love my partner more than anything, and I never felt like I wanted a baby until I met him.

Is it just nerves I'm experiencing? I just wondered if anyone else felt similar before they tried for a baby, but perhaps it is just me

Hi binky I've just started ttc and I have to admit I am nervous. It's all I've ever wanted and now it's suddenly got so real!

Having said that I know it's definitely the right thing. I think feeling nervous and unsure about the unknown is normal but terrified is a different word altogether. Is there anything specific that's making you so scared?

Hey Jcandy, thanks for the reply!

I must admit I was having a bit of a meltdown at the time of writing the post, AF has been particularly mean this time round like she knows i'm planning on taking a 9 month break! I'm not terrified, (i'm slightly embarrassed currently ), its more anxiety and nerves and scared of getting it wrong.

I think what i'm afraid of most is not being a good mum, of bringing a life into the world and failing it in some way. I couldn't bear for my child to think of me how I think of my own parents, or to go through some of the things I went through in school.

I thought finding out you were pregnant by accident was more stressful than planning a baby, but I think it's the other way round!!

Good luck and baby dust to you I hope you get a BFP soon!! x

Oh I do know what you mean, I am the same. Got pregnant at 19 and had the baby and that was far less scary than deciding to TTC with my now DH (the relationship with my child's father didn't work out). I was just thinking, that it sounds like this has all happened very quickly. You've only been together a couple of years and living together a few months, and it sounds a bit like he's driving the decision to start soon (saying he doesn't want to be an "old dad").

I guess I am just going by my experience that it's so hard if you have a child with the wrong person, even if you want one, and the fact you've been talking about it since you first got together is a little niggling worry as well - not that people don't talk about these things early on but in conjunction with wanting to get down to it so soon. Is the 23 in your username your age?

I have to go to work but I'll be back on later. I hope this doesn't come across wrongly, it's such an exciting time of life and you shouldn't be worrying to this extent about it.

Ah binky that makes a lot more sense now! I'd say that was perfectly normal. Everyone always wants what's best for their child but the world is the way it is and that worry you have will probably continue forever! But it's normal

Just relax and enjoy the actually trying part. Good luck when you start, I'm sure you'll be a fantastic mum!

I agree with someone who said about being ready. What is the rush?

My DH is 10 years older then me and trust me you can't let that pressure you into having kids before you're ready.

I promise I'm not being patronising when I say that having kids is so much harder & more responsibility then I could ever have imagined and although I wouldn't ever change having my DS I do wish we had more time to ourselves as a couple first and that i had travelled more.

Hi Binky.

My husband and I had been talking about ttc for a good year. Then in May we started trying. Basically i'd had it hammered into me that if you so much as look at a boy you end up preggers (thank you dad). I've learned it isn't so easy.

As soon as we started I got freaked out just like you. However, I have swung back again and now i'm just nervous/excited. What you need to remember is there is no rush. Neither of you are going anywhere. Why don't you just give yourself something else to focus on for three/six months and see how you feel then. Have some fun and don't bother stressing over it. You have plenty of time :)

Morning everyone thanks for all your messages, I can't tell you how much it has helped me. I really feel in a much better place about everything now, I just wish I had posted on here sooner when I first started to worry instead of posting yesterday like a crazy woman!! Jcandy you have been so sweet and helpful, thank you x

BertieBotts you are also right, and I didn't find it patronising or anything, I want honesty and that's what you've given me. There is no rush, I am 23 and he is approaching mid 30's, I think he is worried about his fertility, but I say to him all the time that just because I have got pregnant before doesn't mean I will do again so easily, there is no knowing until you try and I do believe he means well that the sooner we try the sooner we will know. I didn't really think about what worries a man would have about TTC, but now its in the open it's much easier to confront.

Bubalou I agree with what you're saying about having more time as a couple before we become a family and it is something I am going to talk to my other half about, we have been together 2 years and already accomplished so much, but I just think about what else could we do in another year? We have been talking about going on holiday again this year and I think I am going to go home today and tell him to book the flights, we can have one last long holiday together before we start trying, and if we get back from holiday and realise we need more couple time then that's what we will do.

MistressKatherine good luck with TTC and I hope you get a BFP soon!! knowing you were freaked out as well and that its turned to nerves and excitement is so reassuring!

God I feel so much better! Thank you again to everyone for your comments x

Personally I wouldn't start TTC 2 months into starting a new job. I know it's not very PC but they're not going to take you very seriously if in a few months time you announce you are pregnant. I'd get a year or so under my belt before TTC personally, especially as time is very much on your side at just 23.