TTC but not DTD

[VirtualPointyHat]

I'm not sure what I am asking really, but no one in RL knows we are TTC so need somewhere to vent

DH and I are TTC but we are really not DTD enough. In the last cycle it was twice. Either DH is out, or he shuts himself away in his room until so late I am asleep, or he does something that makes me so irritated I have no interest in DTD.

Have any of you had similar issues, what were your strategies for dealing with it?

Gentle question: are you sure he wants a baby?

You need to sort things out with dh first, then TTC. If you're either not spending time together or you're too irritated to DTD you need to work that out.

Sorry that sounded a bit blunt, you just sound fed up.

When you say his room do you mean study?

Can we have more details on the situation. Don't want to pile in saying Oooh sounds complicated, you and DH have problems etc without knowing all the facts.

Yes, he definitely wants a baby, perhaps more than me

I think he gets so swept up in his various hobbies he doesn't really realise he isn't here very much IYSWIM.

Then on nights he is here we have so much household admin etc to deal with we don't see each other.

If we do see each other, then I feel almost obliged to DTD, which of course is the thing that makes me want to the least, so we don't.

Argh!!

If I may, when we were tic for this baby it was hard work, especially as hubs would be deliberately anal with me I'm sure spoiling for a fight so as not to dtd, I had to point out to him we had a limited window in which to dtd etc etc. anyhow this went on for a good six months lots of tears lots of you don't love me you don't want a third etc etc. transpires that men want romance to! (What are they bloody girls) and point don't every laugh it off to your hubs and exclaim what are you a woman apparently it doesn't go down well! Lol.

Anyhow, my hubs was getting himself so worked up that I was getting anti with him, apparently there was pressure from me for him to perform, and likewise he just couldn't get into the zone really. Month we caught I put in the effort more, as did he we knew where each other was at, he tried more I tried being a bit more flirty and not just him being a sperm bank and it worked, he relaxed more.

Well, if neither of you can seem to be bothered to make the effort then are you really sure you want to be parents? Sounds like a disaster before it has even happened.

Why not take the pressure of yourselves and just see what happens?

No one is obliged to have a baby - don't just have one because it seems like you ought to.

Hi David - I get your point, but I dont think it is that in our case.

For example tonight DH will be home at around 1am, I will have been asleep for hours. DH would happily wake me up for us to DTD, but frankly I would kill him!

Might sound a bit daft, but does he know about cycles and where the fertile point is? Not all blokes concentrated in biology at school and have had limited reasons to think about how the whole thing works since!!

Wow Rag - pretty harsh.

I don't think anyone said we felt obliged to have a baby. The comment about DH being more keen than me, is more that in an ideal world I would want to have almost saved up for their future uni fees, whereas DH is more of an it will all work out in the end mindset.

You may be on to something there Banana, i am using a tracking app, I have the option to have emails sent to him, a bit of a blunt instrument but might be worth a go

That's what it took for me virtual, I kid you not my hubs said 'but you can get pg at any time of the month' it was a light bulb moment when I said era actually it's about 12-24 hours 36 max. Then he understood why I was moody with him when he had in my eyes rejected my advances,

It was tough but he honestly didn't know that I was most fertile during certain times. Maybe your h is similar?

I'm sorry if my post came over as harsh but it does sound, from what you have posted originally, that neither of you is 100% committed to having a baby (or at least having sex first ).

I speak from experience as my DH was much keener than I was to have a baby so I used all the 'avoiding' tactics I could think of ......... it didn't work and I became pregnant after 8 months of stopping contraception (in my early 40s ).

I have fertility issues and the cycle we conceived this current pregnancy we only DTD once! Obviously the more you have sex the more chance you have of conceiving, but just wanted to reassure you.

We were DTD a lot, but it has been 6 months now, and no luck yet.

It sounds very conceited I know, but we are both young, so just assumed it would happen fairly quickly.

I'm in a similar situation VirtualPointyHat we have been TTC #2 for 19 months now but my OH has a very low sex drive! In fact it was about 2 years after we had DD that we started to DTD again & that was only because we both want another baby so much. He's tired, he's stayed downstairs till stupid o'clock or he's instigated a row!