So... first time posting on here. Has anyone else had the problem of their partner just not being up for it during your fertile period, or not being able to come if he does at least get as far as getting an erection?!
My partner's 43 (I'm 39) and we've been together 2 years. He says his sex drive has been in decline for a while and it's not to do with not fancying me, he just doesn't really want to have sex that much and often can't come when we do start. Then... at other times he's fine, goes off like a rocket, loves it and can't believe he doesn't do it more often. Trouble is, for the last 9 months, that has never been at a suitable time in my cycle (We've been 'trying' since April 13). I've tried relaxing and saying 'hey lets just do it when we feel like it', surprising him and trying to turn him on when he doesn't know it's the 'right' time of the month. this month he's saying what will help is to know when the right time is so he can prepare himself. I fear the worst, but hope for the best - we'll see in a week I guess!
Anyway, obviously it's a stressful time and my partner says there must be loads of other people in the same situation, but I read forums and find that people are having loads of sex (and still not getting pregnant, which sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone). I worry that even with lots of sex I'd struggle, but at the moment, just the appearance of a bit of sperm every now and then would make a massive difference! I'm trying to stay calm about it, but increasingly failing and find myself being angry and resentful and thinking about it all the time. The stress is causing almost daily arguments and he gets furious at me for putting him under pressure and for being obsessed with conceiving... and obviously me doing that is hugely counterproductive, but if he keeps this up for another 6 months or so, I'm going to hit 40 and fear that it will mean I have to close the door on motherhood (I have slightly high FSH - 10.1 - and reduced ovarian reserve, but normal-for-my-age AMH and no tube blockages etc. I also had an 18-month unsuccessful period of trying with an ex in my early 30s).
We've talked about him going to get help from his GP / sex therapist and starting to do some exercise to increase his sex drive. but at the moment it is just talk.
In terms of other stuff in my life, I feel v unanchored and out of place. I moved up north to be near both my mum and my bf nearly 2 years ago. My mum has since died and I'm still grieving, and i'm struggling to find a place for myself up here. I work freelance, which I find quite lonely and difficult, but there's no real work in my line in the area I live in (all the good jobs are in London!). I've also bought us a house to live in, which needs a lot of work doing to it and I've got burn out having done the majority on my own - though he has started helping out recently.
Also, his desire for a child is just not the same as mine - can't be - as he already has 2 children. They're lovely and they live with us some of the time, but I know that were we to have a child, there would be pressure of a different sort - he admits that it was having kids that split he and his wife up (he suffers with anxiety and can be hard work at times. At other times he's wonderful and loving and supportive - plus he's a really good dad). So I'm incredibly up and down - sometimes fine and happy, other times - like today - very low, and wonder if having a child would actually be worse than where we're at at the moment.
Anyway, this is much longer than i intended and has turned into a bit of an existential rant. But my main question is this - does anyone else's partner struggle to perform at that time of the month, and what have you done about it? It really is starting to make me feel unsexy and I'm losing my confidence in that area, which is so unlike me...