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4 replies

tillymay1993 · 03/08/2014 04:23

i am 21 years old and all i have wanted for the past few years is a baby, i have been with my partner for nearly 4 years and we have been thinking about having a child for a while and i believe it is what would make me truly happy. i have suffered with depression and anxiety in the past but the minuite i come into contact with a baby or child its like nothing even matters anymore. my only issue is my mum, she is a very high sprung woman who had a child when she was 17 and doesnt want me or my sister to make the same mistake. she has also told me in the past when i have told her how i feel that the minuite i get pregnant she will inform social services that i am not safe simply because she doesnt like my partner and the thing is she works for the council and young people so she knows people in the right places and im scared. i am stuck in such a vicous circle. i just want to be happy. any ideas of what to do? my friends say ignore my mum and think i would make an amazing mum as i am very caring and always think of other people first i have a godson who i love dearly and i care for sometimes ever since he was a baby. can anyone suggest anything? any oppinons? please
thanks

OP posts:
Mumof3xox · 03/08/2014 07:36

Even if she was nasty enough to contact social services, they won't just get involved for nothing. Is there anything they could be concerned about? Violence? Drugs?

On the other hand you are very young and you have many years to start a family

tillymay1993 · 03/08/2014 14:21

No nothing like that, she just doesn't like him and I know but I feel like im ready

OP posts:
KittyVonCatsington · 03/08/2014 14:48

Hi tillymay
I know you are really asking about how to avoid your mum's threats, but two phrases jump out at me from your OP:
I believe it is what would make me truly happy
I have suffered from depression and anxiety in the past
I don't think from these you are ready to have a baby yet, as you are focusing on the "cute" part of having a baby and the quick fix of making you feel happy.

Not only might the hormones you have from pregnancy and birth, affect your depression negatively and severely, you need to be aware of whole picture - how your body might cope anxiety-wise whilst coping with severe sleep deprivation, for example, how your relationship will cope with the stress of a newborn baby and then child, coping with a colicky/reflux baby who doesn't sleep, for example, especially if your immediate family won't be supportive...what if you had more than one child, what if your child has medical issues? Etc. Etc. Etc.
I am aware I am being a mean in my comments but this doesn't sound like an ideal environment for a newborn and it has to all be about them.

What you could start doing is preparing for the future. Work with your Mum. Why does she not like your partner? What can she/you do to help? What are you doing to work with your depression and anxiety, as it doesn't just go away and you will need support in managing this when you do go on to have a family. WRT Social Services, Mumof3 is right. Yes, your Mum can call them, but if they see nothing wrong, they won't do anything after their investigations. If they do conclude that they need to intervene, then your Mum would have been right in calling them in the first place.

I hope you make the right decisions for you and your boyfriend, and ultimately, for any future child

Mumof3xox · 03/08/2014 14:48

Well if there is nothing social service would have an issue with I don't think you have much to worry about. They are used to dealing with people trying to cause trouble

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