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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Feeling guilty, is it to soon? ttc after mc

14 replies

onefootinthebed · 15/07/2014 22:32

l miscarried 5 weeks ago today. Dh brought the subject up of ttc again , l am not against the idea but l don't know if l feel it's too soon, l haven't even had a period yet. I don't really know when is the right time, l just know l will be scared. I think l might buy on ovulation kit.

I am looking forward to having a 2nd child (we have a ds, 2yo) l just don't know how to deal with my emotions about the loss we 5 weeks ago.

I haven't really got a question l just needed somewhere to put my thoughts.

OP posts:

Justyouwaitandsee · 16/07/2014 01:18

Hi onefoot
Didn't want to read and run. Am sure someone will have better advice than me, but I would say that you have to follow your instincts and do whatever feels right for you.
Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, or what is right or wrong. I am sure that such a thing doesn't exist in these circumstances. And if you change your mind that it fine too.
Wishing you the strength you need to deal with this and work out what is right for you x

Thumbwitch · 16/07/2014 01:56

Some suggest waiting 6m, some suggest just getting on with it.

If you don't feel right, then you wait until you do feel right - but in my case I just got right on with it straight away because I was too old to wait.

Between DS1 and DS2 I had 3 MCs, none of them beyond 9w and all of them complete so no medical intervention required (apart from the ultrasounds to check everything was gone and blood tests to see if there was a reason apart from my age).

One thing though, that I truly believed help me, was discovering, after my 3rd MC, that I was low in vitamin D (below normal range without being frankly deficient) . I was then dosed up so my levels were in normal range and the next time I got pg is the time that I got DS2.

Vit D insufficiency is associated both with miscarriage and infertility, so if you like, you could get your vit D levels checked via the GP and then take supplements (so many people are low in vit D thanks to the SPF in toiletries and the advice to stay out of the sun) to bring your levels up to normal range and this might help you next time you get pg.

Good luck and sorry for your loss

Original poster

onefootinthebed · 16/07/2014 10:49

Thanks for replying.

Justyouwaitandsee thankyou, if only you could buy strenght!!!

Thumbwatch, l am 38 so l feel like time isn't on my side, l was 6 weeks and l had only had my pregnancy comfirmed the day before my loss.l think l may look into vitamin D due to my colouring l am never in the sun as l burn with just a glimpse of sun. Sorry for you're losses, l want to say thankyou for sharing with me you're experience .........but that seems like the wrong word and l can't think of one is suitable sorry.

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 16/07/2014 10:59

That's ok, onefoot - if my experiences can help anyone else, then it is a good thing, iyswim - helps me to feel like some good comes from those experiences.
Good luck with the vit D - come over to this thread to see the current discussion on here about it (go towards the end, that's where all the good stuff is! )

Seasidedolly · 16/07/2014 18:02

Hi Onefoot

So sorry to hear of your loss, I miscarried whilst I was on holiday 5 weeks tomorrow, I was 7 weeks.

I too haven't had a period yet but have begun trying again, we are trying for our first child.

I spoke to my Dr who said there was no need to wait, so just do whats best for you.

Sorry I don't really have any advice, but I just wanted to let you know I'm in a very similar situation so you are not alone.

I truly hope things work out for you very soon

isittheweekendyet · 16/07/2014 18:29

Sorry for your loss.

You know when it feels right. I had a mms at 11 weeks and knew that I wanted to ttc again as soon as possible. It wasn't because I wanted to 'forget' the lost pregnancy but just that it was the right time and I couldn't have sat and waited months on end to try again. I was lucky and conceived 6 weeks after my miscarriage.

Everyone is different, do what feels right for you.

isittheweekendyet · 16/07/2014 18:30

*mmc, that should read.

Foxtrot7459 · 16/07/2014 20:26

Hi onefoot

I has a miscarriage at 11 weeks, just over 4 weeks ago. I decided to wait for first AF before ttc again. I'm still waiting which is frustrating now. You have to go what you feel. If I'm lucky enough to get pg again I know I will be terrified but for me it will be worth it to be a mum x

Original poster

onefootinthebed · 16/07/2014 22:50

Gosh, l am really overwhelmed.

I have felt so alone for weeks. I haven't spoken to my
friends or family about this as we have had some deaths in our friend group and family and l didn't want to burden anyone with what was happening.

I really did post just to get my thoughts somewere other than my head.l didn't expect so many replies. Thankyou all for taken time to reply and good luck on you're journeys, l am so sorry for you're losses.

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 16/07/2014 22:58

One thing that helped me - passed on from another MNer, and I'm so grateful for it - was to buy a little something to remember each one by. Because I like crystals, I bought a little tiny crystal angel for each MC, a different type for each one. So I have 3 tiny crystal angels (between 1" and 2" high) on my mantelpiece - DH knows what they're for but no one else does - and it helped. :)

farfallarocks · 17/07/2014 13:27

I had 2 early MC before my DD and they completely floored me, especially the first one. I wanted to try again immediately (almost manically!) and it helped me to focus on the future. You need to do it when its right for you but medically they now say its fine to crack on straight away.

Be kind to yourself, its a big shock and a horrible experience.

MrsGlitter · 17/07/2014 14:41

Hi onefoot. I too miscarried recently (well, 2nd June) and like you, only discovered we were pregnant a matter of days before I lost it at 5w 2days, which I think, personally, helped in the long run. I dread it happening again much further down the line - awful!

Anyway, just wanted to say that my DH and I decided to just carry on as we were. We felt ok, upset the day it happened but came home from being checked out at hospital (where they only really confirmed it was happening and sent me home to rest), shook ourselves off and got on with it, so to speak. My period came bang on time, three weeks to the day after the MC and was only three days long but I passed a few clots before it stopped so I think that was me 'clearing out' what I hadn't managed to during the MC itself.

So now we're in the two week wait but appreciate it could take some time. Basically, you've just got to go with your own feelings on this. We can give you our stories but we can't tell you the right or wrong way to feel and proceed.

Best of luck x

ChatEnOeuf · 17/07/2014 16:00

Hi onefoot I miscarried at 7+weeks in March - started trying again a few weeks later, once I felt 'right' about it. I think it was about six weeks later, but my cycles were a bit wappy for a few months afterwards. Finally got my bfp this month - hopefully you won't be far behind

Dontgotosleep · 18/07/2014 21:24

Hi Onefoot. Sorry for your loss. I waited 11 months to ttc again when I miscarried in 1997. As I didn't want to cancel out the other baby's possible existance. Also at the time I wasn't interested in trying again as I wanted the baby I was carrying. I started trying in June 1998 and in the July of that year I got my B.F.P and went on to have my d.d.
I met my new d.p last year and we suffered a chemical pregnancy last September. Pregnancy was planned by me but D.P but that's all cleared up now. D.P was delighted when I told him so little did I know we both wanted the same thing. In fact it was he who persuaded me to try again. I was hesitant but after a long talk we both agreed to try again. So we've been trying officially since October.
To say for you whether it is too soon to try again, well only you know your own body.
I hope in time you are blessed with a happy healthy pregnancy and an adorable little baby. xx

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