Performance issues with DP. Please help!

[Brummiegirl15]

Hi all. My first "proper thread" but have posted lots - sadly in the mc thread on here following a natural mc back in May.

Just clarifying despite being my first post, I am not a troll!!

I really need some advice on performance issues from DP. In that he can't ejaculate. He has absolutely no problems getting hard at all. It's pretty much instant when we cuddle.

However in the last week we have DTD a few times and every single time - nada. In fact he has not had an orgasm for over a week and half - actually I lie, I helped him one morning and that was fine. But during sex? Nope. He's getting quite frantic and frustrated by it and I'm trying so hard not to make an issue out of it.

However after the mc we are really trying to get a BFP and I guess the pressure is getting to him. He admits he really is feeling the pressure and he says that climaxing is all he can think about.

I know that I am to blame for this. - we've bee using clear blue dual hormone ov sticks and so of course knowing exactly when I was ovulating meant that I got stressed when he couldn't come and I admit to saying "we need to do this today otherwise I can't get pregnant for another month" - the desperation has kicked in, can you tell?

We managed to DTD again with results and I'm currently on the 2ww so actually him not climaxing is not really a problem in that respect but it's happened so many times now that a cold fear is gripping me and I'm thinking what if I'm not pregnant? How can we make a baby if the swimmers aren't there?

Sorry for long post but I really need advice - I feel so guilty that I've put all this pressure on DP

Hi Brummiegirl. Sorry to hear about your miscarriage in May and that you are having a tough time. DH and I had issues during our first few months of trying and I cringe when I think of how I made him feel like he had to perform on demand and some of the things I said to him - I got so stressed about it.
I know it is really really hard but we have tried to take the focus off ttc a bit and enjoy date nights around my ov time.
I hope things get easier for you.

Hiya my DH also has problems with retarded ejaculation and he always has done

There are 4
main causes

Masterbatory technique - the death grip
Psychological
Medical side effect (thyroid for instance)
Alcohol/drug related - drugs can be prescribed ones

Try not to put pressure on him, he'll be doing enough of that to himself if he's like my DH! And just try and have fun. DH finds not knowing my fertile times helps him but also knows I track them to help us iyswim

We have also had miscarriages so you can and will fall pregnant and tbh it could be the mc is playing on his mind more than you think, especially if this is a recent problem

Speak to him. We had to have a blazing row before we finally discussed it in full and started looking into it further. It's the 3rd most common erectile problem but the least spoken about

Good luck!

We had this problem TTC after a mc, all the fun had gone from dtd, it was purely functional, it got to the point where I was considering a turkey baster!! In the end I tried to hide when it was the right time of the month and initiate dtd more often so dp was less aware of when I needed him to perform!! Good luck

So sorry to hear you're having a tough time - my only bit of advice would be to try and initiate sex (or cuddling etc) at non-fertile times too so he feels like you want him for him, not just as a sperm bank. Plus the more you DTD the more he may get back into the rhythm of it, and it may remove the pressure of there being one time in the month when you are keen to DTD. Good luck and hope you get a sticky bean soon xxx

Thanks so much all - I think maybe everything is weighing on both our minds and maybe we just need to chill out a bit and ate our time.

And breathe.....

Helps knowing we aren't the only ones. Thank you so much for sharing xx

Hi Brummie my dp is hard to get in the mood sometimes which is bloody annoying but I agree with everyone above its the stress of everything.

Definately try and have sex when your not fertile so he still feels wanted.

Also make it fun, get some costumes that you know will turn him on.

Try having dates and try some new positions anything to make it easier for you both.

FX you dont need to worry and your pg already!!

Yep found out yesterday! DP even laughed and said "oh my god the pressure is off" - he was really struggling with the pressure.

I'm hoping now the end result isn't required so to speak, it will sort itself out.

Only thing is now I'm nervous about DTD as when I had my mc, we'd done it the night before.

However I know I'm paranoid!!!!!

Keeping fingers crossed that little bean sticks

Oh yay!! Congratulations! My OH had this problem last time we DTD. To be fair he was almost asleep when I pounced on him telling him I had ovulation pains!! I just hope it doesn't now play on his mind. I think I might try being more subtle next month!
Yes, hopefully things will go back to normal now. I have not had a MC but was so paranoid having sex during early pregnancy that I think we actually only did it once during the first 3 months of my first pregnancy so I totes get the paranoia thing. Everything you read says it has not bearing on it which I'm sure it true, but I think if you are going to worry and not enjoy it, prob not much point in doing it. Not sure what your DP would think about that though! Anyway, massive congrats again