Don't know if I ACTUALLY want this?

[rhona30]

Hiya,

I'm just new here. I got married last year, turned 38 in April and I also had a lap to get endo removed in April.

In May I got my Mirena removed and last week we started having unprotected sex.

My dilema is that I don't know if I want my period to come or not. The thought of being pregnant and being a mother terrifies me, everyone we know says we'd be amazing parents but I really love my life just now and I know that it will never be the same if I get pregnant.

There's a weird part of me that really wants to know if I CAN get pregnant too though.

I'm not sure what my point is, I guess I just want to know that it's kinda normal to not really be sure - but at the same time I can't stop reading about the best way to ensure you get pregnant and stuff. I think I'm perhaps a bit bonkers! Ha ha

Hmm, well I'm 100% certain I want a baby same with DH we are both fully aware of the changes it will make and what we will have to give up. I'm imagine some people have a few moments when they find out due to hormones and the shock, but I can't relate to that happening before then because I want to conceive asap and would be very happy.

Maybe someone else might be able to relate?

I'm pretty sure I want a child but there's a part of me that's scared too. I love my life now, I enjoy good food, having enough money for holidays - going on holiday and relaxing.

I'm scared of not sleeping for years and not being able to switch off after work.

I guess I'm just being selfish.

I don't think it's selfish to want that but it is something to really consider when you're deciding whether to have children.

Have you talked to DH about your feelings?

Hey, we're all selfish, it's just that we all also want different things. So for some of us, the selfish choice is to have children.

I would say that you need to explore these feelings with your DH before continuing to have unprotected sex. Parenting can be tough, and it helps to start from a certainty that you want to do it.

Good luck .

HI there. When I was trying for my first, I did really want it, but was also scared about how I would cope, what kind of mother I'd be, how it would change my life etc. I felt as ready as I thought I would ever be, if that makes sense, but did not feel 100% certainty and didn't think I ever would. Ultimately I knew I wanted a family in the long run so decided just to go for it! It has changed my life in more ways than I could even have imagined, but it has definitely been worth it for everything I've gained and am so glad I decided to go for it when I did. I think if you want children, you should just do it, rather than leaving it too long and then finding out it's too late. Hope that helps!

Ladyflower,

That's EXACTLY how I feel. We both feel like we want a child and know we will probably be good parents but it's just the massive change that's scary.

Good thing is that we both feel exactly the same way so hopefully we can keep each other right.

I think it's the biological clock that's making it all a bit 'ARGH'. I wish we had met 20 years ago then we'd have all the time in the world.

I think we both know that we've done our partying and lived our lives and going out and getting drunk isn't much fun anymore so it seems like the next step.

I don't think you ever do feel ready, or able to cope with the change, or any of those things. I think it can maybe help to take a longer term view and if you know you want to do it "some day" then take the plunge and do it now.

rhona I am 8 weeks pregnant with my first. My DH and I both really wanted a baby but on a couple of occasions I have had a little meltdown! The other evening we came home from work, went to the pub for dinner, came home, slobbed out on the sofa and watched Game Of Thrones, then I just burst into tears thinking about how we won't be able to have an evening like that for a VERY long time! But then DH was lovely and said that yes, life will change A LOT, but it will be so much fun in a different way! Change isn't always a bad thing, even if you love your life how it is.
It'll always be scary, so don't feel bad about having doubts. The best thing to do it talk it through with your DH :)

It's true we got to that point where going out for fancy dinners and drinking had become a bit vacuous and felt like we needed something else in our lives. Having a child has really made me feel fulfilled and now those nights out are far between but so much fun. Like being a teenager again ...except of course there's no lying in bed with a hangover the next day...

It's true we got to that point where going out for fancy dinners and drinking had become a bit vacuous and felt like we needed something else in our lives. Having a child has really made me feel fulfilled and now those nights out are far between but so much fun. Like being a teenager again ...except of course there's no lying in bed with a hangover the next day...

Rhona we tried for two and a half years and eventually had to have IVF; we were so lucky because it worked first time. However several times over the last 5 months we have admitted to each other that we are scared of how this is going to change our lives. But obviously we both want it so much! So I think it is normal!

If anyone has ever said to me over the past years of struggling "ah well at least you get to enjoy your lie-ins / holidays / nights out" etc - I would have bitten their head off - but the truth is that they were the only silver linings to a painful time. Now we are counting down our weekend lazy lie ins and treasuring them very much now we know they are on the way out. Also, we have been together 13 years now and married for 5 so different to your situation; I do sympathise with wishing you could've spent a bit more time just the two of you before TTC. Our enforced/unwanted "just the two of us"-ness over the last two years has been bittersweet - obviously every month wishing we were pregnant, but we have done some really fun things, had some great holidays, and our relationship is stronger than ever.