OK so first of all I realise I have little to complain about but recently I have been feeling really down about the fact that the whole bloody world seems to be pregnant except me (slight exaggeration perhaps but still). I ache for a baby. It actually hurts that I want one so bad. Literally felt tears prickle my eyes when I saw a lady walking with a newborn in a pram yesterday.
But here's the thing:
- Sex is horribly painful. Like agony. I have been seeing a gynae and it is improving slowly but still far from pleasant. Frustrating and upsetting for so many reasons! So, obviously, hardly any of that happening.
- Have not had an AF since spring 2012, which is when I fell pg with DD. Am probably not even ovulating. Now this is almost certainly cos I am still bfeeding. Now I don't want to stop this as DD still seems to really need and want it and to be honest I love the closeness with her so don't want to give up just to get my fertility back. But I am starting to think that is the only way. I work and we night weaned but still nothing. Not a whisper. I don't want to wean her totally and then find I don't have another baby for some reason. It would make me too sad. Plus I have no idea how to wean her at the moment without some serious meltdowns - from both of us!
I know I am so lucky to have DD and I know I am very lucky to have such a wonderful bfeeding relationship and to have the choice about potentially returning to fertility but I can't help but feel so frustrated that my body hasn't got things going again!!!
Please be kind. I realise there are many women going through awful ordeals to get that first baby. I am not trying to say that what I am going through is comparable. Only that I am feeling sad and frustrated and in need of some kind words - and any advise to get AF back other than total weaning would be great!!!!