TTC Baby 2 for 18 months feeling very disheartened

[Bobs76]

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if anyone is in the same position as me, I've been TTC baby no. 2 for 18 months now. I fell pregnant easily with my first who will very soon be 4 - feeling bad about the age gap too! I'm 38 now and worried it won't happen, it was always important to me that she wasn't an only child! I've had tests at the doctors and they can't find anything wrong, I'm to go back in 3 months if it still hasn't happened. Wish we'd started TTC much sooner!

Come join us on 'trying for number 2 !!!' Bob. And I wouldn't worry too much about age, I'm 32 and having no luck whereas my friend round the corner is 37 and fell preg with her second first time round.

Yeh I'm on that thread too smogsville (in fact I've just chatted to you on there just now). I just wondered if anyone else had been trying for as long as me. I find it strange how some people fall preg so easily whereas others don't, although saying that I fell pregnant without trying with my first at 33. Everyone that had first babies round same time as me have gone on to have a second baby. I'm worrying about the age gap if I do fall preg and if I don't I worry about her being an only child!

Hi bobs I am also with you on the trying for number 2 thread, but just wanted to reply to you on here to say I know just how you feel. I have been trying for number 2 for 12 months, but it has been 14 cycles as my cycles are on the shorter side. My DD was conceived in the second month of trying. (or first month of really trying!) She is now 2 and 8 months and I am worrying myself sick about why it hasn't happened. We have got the ball rolling with all the tests, I have had day21 tests which do confirm I am ovulating and we are just waiting on DHs SA results. I had wanted a small-ish age gap, and each month that it doesn't work is just horrible watching that age gap get bigger and bigger. My recent craziness induced activity has been googling only child families, I am so worried that I won't be able to have any more children, I don't just want a baby for my sake, I desperately do not want DD to be an only child. I have also watched friends go on to have second children, and everyone assumes that once you have had one you will go on to pop another one out a few years later. It is such a mind boggling situation, and it makes absolutely no sense that it was so straightforward to have one baby, for it not to happen again a few years on. Anyway, gosh, sorry for the essay, just wanted to say you are not alone and I know exactly how crappy the whole thing feels! I take it you have done the OPK, charting etc?

Hi Gingerbreadbaby, My cycles are longer anything from about 29 days to 35 days. My first was conceived without trying, we hadn't been together very long so we hadn't made decision to start trying but we just weren't always being careful. Mine is about to turn 4 so age gap is really worrying me. I'm the same worrying about why it hasn't happened, I've had tests and everything is fine but I'm to go back in 3 months if I've still not conceived really hoping it doesn't come to that though! I used the cheap ovulation kits and they never told me when I was ovulating, we just tried regularly mid-cycle. For my last cycle I got the Clearblue Ovulation kit and was so excited when on the 4th day of testing it showed I was ovulating!! It was such a relief to know that I was. So we tried but unfortunately I got my period 2 weeks later! I've only taken the tests to find out when I'm ovulation and also make a note of when my period starts. You sound exactly like me, I've always wanted at least 2 children because I've never wanted my child to grow up without a sibling its so important to me. When we're on days out I hardly ever see a couple with just one child, they've all got at least 2. Recently my little one has been saying that she wants 2 sisters. I know its just strange as you think if you've had one you should be able to have another. People that were pregnant around the same time as me or later have gone on to have another child (one is pregnant with her third). My cousins wife is pregnant with her second and their first is 2 years younger than mine. No probs it's good to talk to someone who is going through the same as me although fingers crossed we both get some good news soon.

Hi bobs am also with you on TTC number 2 but just wanted to say my sis was in your position. Started trying for number 2 when ds was 18mo and dd wasn't born till he was 4 and a half. At almost 7 and 2 they now have a wonderful relationship so no prob with age gap. She had ds by happy accident so was very hard for her. Eventually she had Clomid and fell pregnant quickly. If you go on the infertility board then look at secondary infertility there are loads and loads of women in your position giving each other support and advice.

Hi I've been trying for my second for 18 months - got pregnant with ds first cycle when I was 26. He's 5 now and I'm 31. Have had tests which have shown major issues with dh's sperm - high count but crap motility and morphology. Have had one round of ivf with icsi but it failed.

I'm so depressed. My friend (aged 45) has just had her second. She just texted me to say how delightful it was having two and how it's been the making of her son being a big brother. Not massively sensitive of her since she knows my issues but then I've discovered most people aren't massively sensitive.

I'm two days late this month but have period pain and feel suicidal so assume my period will appear imminently.

I feel like I've failed my son.

Dontmake that is truly horrible. But perhaps in your friend's defense she is in a baby haze and I hope when she comes out of it she does apologise. And please don't feel like you have failed your DS. Just because it was 'the making' of hers doesn't mean it's for every DC.

We have have been TTC DC#2 for 8 months with a mc in Jan. I have an appointment with the GP next week to start investigations. DD was so easy (literally one weekend of shagging and we were pregnant) that this has really thrown DH and I.

We've been trying for #2 for a year with a mmc in February. DD has just turned 4 and was conceived second cycle.

I am worried that she will be an only, though I'm sure if it comes to that we'll make it work and it won't be the end of the world. I've also stopped stressing so much about the age gap after reading some lovely stories of big gaps on here.

But I do find it incredibly frustrating and depressing that ttc is proving so difficult this time round when it was so easy last time. I know I'm five years older now, but we started trying again when I was 33 so not that old!

I've not had any tests yet but will ask for them in September when I'm 35. Until then, I've ordered some conceive plus for this month and will just continue to give it our best shot!

It is depressing.

I'm trying to decide whether or not to have another ivf cycle.
Everyone said Id feel at least id tried when I had the first one and so id feel better even if it failed.
But I think actually I feel worse - I now feel like nothing will ever help me get pregnant. I've had basically the most high tech intervention possible and it still didnt work!

It's nice to read a few of us are in similar positions. Although obviously total crap that we are. I have been feeling really down about the whole thing recently. DH is being totally unsupportive and just takes the whole thing on the chin. He is so blase about DD being an only child, and our possible secondary infertility, and I don't feel I get any emotional support from him, even though he knows how much it means to me. Secondary infertility feels like such a lonely place to be, you don't feel you can moan about it and expect sympathy as you already have DC, and it's so hard keeping happy and positive for the DC you do have, while watching them grow up without any siblings.

Metal it's nice to read what you say about not feeling like it being the end of the world if it doesn't happen, I am trying my best to adopt the same approach! I hope you won't be needing to pay the GP a visit in Sept.

Don'tmake I'm so sorry to hear of your DHs results. Has he tried modifying his diet/exercise and taking supplements etc? I've read they can make quite a positive difference sometimes. Can you afford to have another IVF cycle? I suppose you need to weigh up the pros and cons, if it will impact too much on the life you already have. And I'm with you on the depression .

slightly brilliant news for you sis, but, gosh, 3 years, I don't think I could mentally survive that long.

Bobs glad that you are ovulating! Do you think there is a chance you had been missing ovulation if you are only seeing now when you ovulate? hopefully using the new sticks will let you time it to perfection! I know, I keep noticing families everywhere. I keep reading that one child families are on the up, but all I see everywhere is families with 2 or 3 children. I dread the day DD starts asking for a baby or sibling, she has been wittering away a bit about sisters and brothers, but I think she is still a bit too young to understand, thank god.

Oh don't get me started on the subject of asking for siblings Ginger - a few weeks ago DD said in the car: "When our baby comes I'll have to move into another room, won't I?" Totally knew why she said it (her best friend recently had a baby brother and moved into a new room), but it just broke my heart.

I'm sorry you're not feeling like you're getting enough support from your DH, that must be tough. I think men in general are a bit more laid back about ttc as they're not the ones having to obsess about cycles, symptoms etc. and therefore just see it as extra opportunities to dtd!

Good luck with your appointment next week Possum, let us know how you get on.

At least it's the weekend ladies, so here's some !

Thanks Metal, I will. I'm thinking of having the Zita West fertility MOT too...just cant believe it's come to this. DD has also been known to ask for a sister called Daisy which I am still finding amusing, but I'm sure the longer this goes on the less amusing this will become!

But I'll join you in , and so glad it's the weekend .

Ginger my DM says to be thankful for DD and enjoy her which I really do but it is a lonely place to be.

I looked at the infertility board the other day and I just didnt feel ready to go but there were some interesting threads.

Just wanted to give a bit of support. Secondary infertility is horrible. I had primary and secondary so unfortunately it was not a new experience for me but the longings for a secnd are as valid as the longings for a first. It took me three years first time to conceive and 2.5 second time but it did happen in the end and while I know that each case is individual, I'm proof that it can happen. I had endometriosis which a affected conception first time and possibly second. With the second we had literally just gone for the first appointment to go down the ivf route, had coughed up for the initial consultation and literally days later I got pg. Was the most expensive chat I ever had but also the best £150 I ever spent - who knows, maybe it helped me relax? Good luck to you all.

Thanks for all the comments ladies it's good to have so many people that understand how I feel - although hopefully we will all get BFP's very soon!

Oh Gingerbread I can so relate to that as my DP is so unsupportive too! He doesn't understand at all how I feel about other people getting pregnant when I'm not and my fears for my DD being an only child, he just say's 'she's not going to be'! I suppose in a way it's good that he thinks like that but he just doesn't understand my fears when it has been so long, he says I'm obsessive but it's hard not to be. I get no emotional support either. I'm very grateful for my DD, but it's so important to me that she isn't an only child. Good point maybe we just weren't hitting the right time doesn't help that my Cycle can be anything from 29 to 35 days, I've bought some Trying for a baby vitamins - don't know why I haven't bought any before now.

Slightlyconfused that's really good to know about your sister.

Dontmakeme I really feel for you, you just don't need comments like that, I don't want to fail my DD by not giving her a sibling. I'm feeling really depressed with it I'm winding myself up about my age it's so hard not to let it get to you, I've become really emotional recently crying at everything! Wishing you a BFP very soon.

Aww I know what you mean metalhead my DD wanted to go and get a baby from the baby shop! She's said she wants 2 sisters and she started to have imaginary friends & I'm thinking that its because she hasn't got a sibling.

That's really good to hear Snowbusiness, must have been so hard for you but glad everything worked out and thanks for sharing, gives us all hope.

Good luck with your appointment PossumPoo keep us posted.

Wishing us a all BFP's very soon!!