5 miscarriages, 44 years old, Is it time to stop trying

[fall08baby]

I am 44 years old and have a 5 year old and have been ttc again naturally for about 4 years. Have just had my 5th miscarriage, 8 week scan revealed it had stopped growing at 6 weeks. I can't seem to get past the 7-8 week mark, except once two years ago I carried to 12-13 weeks.

We underwent testing two years ago and I've been diagnosed with a slight clotting issue, so the past two pregnancies I've been on heparin and aspirin.

I know what the stats say and the doctors keep reminding me that my chances are slim due to age.

I don't want to give up, but I'm starting to doubt my possibilities. I don't know if I'm kidding myself now. How many miscarriages are too many?
I would be grateful for any advice.

No sage words from me, just sympathy. I'm 43, DD is 3 and I had 3rd m/c in May. I am still planning to 'try' but think that I'm gradually coming round, with a heavy heart, to the reality that DD will not have a sibling who is a child of ours biologically. We're thinking about adoption...

Hi, I am not going to be much help, I am 46 with my youngest child just having turned 6 years old, I had one early miscarriage before him and 12 more since then, upto 11 weeks. The two I had chromosomal testing on both had chromosomal issues. I realise now that age has had a huge effect in the quality off eggs produced. So the likelyhood of me hitting a golden egg at this point is very unlikely.

If you want to contine then consider trying soy isoflavones, as these apparently help strengthen the eggs.

Trying to stop is hard. I succeeded a couple of years ago, finally being at peace with stopping, but then I accidentally slipped up with contraception at the end of last year, and got pregnant and miscarried this year. It has totally thrown me back to the tug of war of emotions vs logic, struggle. I have managed to get to a place of acceptance before, so I feel I could get back there again, but my hormones are still all over the place, so I need to give myself time at the moment.

Only you can decide if you are ready to accept the finality of never having another pregnancy, and potential baby. It is hard.

It doesn't help, but at least you know you are not alone, as I can empathise with your struggle.

Just seen an article in DM online (sorry) which claims that Tamara Beckwith is 5 months pregnant with her third. The second is 5. TM was born 5 months before me. Hope!!!

Have you been checked for thyroid function? Or had any testing done? I'm sure these things are meant to be investigated once you've had three miscarriages? Although I don't know if there's an age cut off.

How old is Tamara Beckwith?

Sorry you are going through this. I was lucky and conceived at 42 and 46 and had 2 healthy babies which shows it can be done. Had 1 mc though before the second. It is hard to stop I am sure. I would have loved a third but knew I Had already massively beat the odds so just accepted it. However I can totally see ow hard it is to stop.

No wise words from me either just recognition that it is really tough.

44!

PS Lagoona - your post was great. I have had fertility treatment - a bust with my own and donor eggs - meaning that my remaining egg supply was measured. The measurement was AMH and mine was 21. I know that it's about quality rather than quantity but that sort of thing - like your post - gives hope.

Aw thanks. Good luck with it all.

I am 44, more than 10 mc behind me (all after the birth of my fourth child, at 39). I have given up on hope, but not on trying. I think it would be pointless to use contraception, and I still keep dtd at the fertile days. what will be will be, why the decision to give up? If it will not happen, by menopause I would know I tried a s long as possible.

fall08baby - sorry to hear of your losses. This is such a difficult place. Good sign that you're getting pregnant - but it is just a complete lottery in terms of egg quality. Would highly recommend talking to a specialist fertility counsellor.

Think it is difficult to assess the psychological impact of repeat miscarriages at the time you're living through them. I kept going until 43, when an ovarian cancer scare following IVF (and after 8 miscarriages, also with clotting as a factor) finally moved me on to donor eggs. I was lucky. I got my life back and could move on (sort of - have had moderate problems with post traumatic stress).

Other people thought I was mad to continue, but I had a hunch that it was worth pursuing to a positive resolution, even if that involved a path I hadn't expected to take. Gamblers logic though.

Not the right answer for everyone, and without the cancer scare I might not have made the switch.

A question I asked so many times! Had DD at 37. Then 7 lost pregnancies. DS was finally born when I was 45 and on the verge of giving up hope. I am a big believer in high dose folic acid. I'm sorry it's been tough for you and I really hope you get the best of outcomes.

five miscarriages here between 41-44 and then one at 44 and one at 45...