Very overweight, dilemma over ttc

[IfYouTolerateThis]

I'm currently about 6 stone over my ideal weight, and 4 stone over the obese borderline (I'm mortified just writing that down ). I'm also 37 and therefore feel like my days for ttc are already numbered. I'm very fortunate to have my DS who is 2, but I would like at least 1 more child - ideally two.

I struggle to lose weight. I know exactly what the problem is, I eat far too much crap when I am stressed and I am stressed a lot of the time due to pressure at work. The binge eating leads to me feeling more stressed and then it's a vicious circle. I also have very limited time/opportunity to exercise and tbh I hate any cardio exercise anyway.

So, I want to start ttc number 2 in the summer, from August. But is this stupid given how overweight I am? I just feel that I won't be able to lose any significant weight and that if I keep waiting whilst I try (and fail) to lose weight that I'll be 40 before I know it and won't be able to conceive anyway?

Just go for it OP but start your healthy eating and exercising now. You can lose weight safely while pregnant.

You'll need vitamin D and extra folic acid - 5mg a day. So either 12 normal tablets or 5mg prescribed by your doctor.

You CAN lose weight! You can do it!! I know it's daunting with 6 stone to lose but just take it bit by bit as even a stone or two will benefit you and your baby.

If you think you'll fail before you've even started then you surely will. You need to believe in yourself and find a way to break that cycle of stress and binge eating.

I don't have the answers but I just wanted to let you know that I truly believe you can do it. It is horrible to be stuck in a cycle of stress and feeling powerless to change things (I've been there) but the only person who can change that is you. You probably don't feel like it, but somewhere in there you've got the strength to do it. You might not be able to change the stress but you can change how you respond to it.

I would suggest that you carry on with your plans to conceive but start with the healthy eating now.

Have you tried using the my fitness pal app? Great for recording what you eat and helping you to decide where to cut things out or what to change. Small changes will still help. I can't live without chocolate so I cut back on calories elsewhere to make sure I can still have a treat.

Exercise is great, but even just a bit more walking will help. Don't think you've got to be down the gym three times a week to make this work, just add some exercise to your routine where you can.

Finally, being overweight doesn't necessarily mean you won't conceive and have a healthy pregnancy. I've been ttc for 18 months without success and I'm ridiculously healthy, good bmi etc whereas an obese friend got pg after a few months and has a beautiful baby. Some things we just can't control.

Good luck - you can do it!

In my honest view I think it would be irresponsible for your own health, to get pregnant whilst you are edging towards the line between obese and morbidly obese.

You have already said that you recognise what the problem is, so now you just have to take charge of it. Personally, I think you should spend between now and Christmas seriously taking charge of your health and diet. If you can get to the very lower end of obese you'll be in much better physical shape to have a healthy pregnancy. You'll probably have much more energy as well to deal with the pregnancy and additional sprog!

This isn't about punishing yourself - it's about accepting that your health is important, giving your children a healthy relationship to food by example, and giving yourself the best start possible.

You seem to have fallen into the mindset of "well I'm going to fail so there's no point even trying" which is the absolute least helpful frame of mind to be in! Work on changing small habits. When you're stressed, try moving around, doing some of the cardio that you are so sure you hate! There are plenty of videos online - especially for beginners - that you can do in the privacy of your own home, at whatever pace you can manage. It's a much healthier way to burn off stress!!

Start eating healthier now, when you feel like eating junk ask yourself, junk or baby? (This is what I'm doing now) my fitness pal is great as other poster said. I've also been wearing a pedometer everyday, if I've not moved enough by the time I'm ready to sit and watch TV in the evening, I go out and walk. There's something about seeing what I'm eating & moving in writing that makes me want to do something about it. I've lost 7lb just doing this is 3 week.

Losing 10% of your body weight increases health & fertility, don't focus on the 6st, go for 10% at a time. Lots of small targets with a huge baby shape target at the end, forget the 6st.

I'm finding biscuit or baby mantra a good boost.

Have you heard of Bach flower remedies? Rescue remedy? They do an emotional eating pack. I see a practitioner who prescribes me remedies I need at that moment I find them really helpful. I've never used the emotional eating pack but flower remedies are fab, do a bit of googling and see what you think.

Good luck, it's not easy but it is possible.

thecuntureshow - thanks for the thoughts about vit D and extra folic acid as I hadn't realised this was an issue. I'll research into this, thanks.

tigerdog - you are impressively positive!! I have used MyFitnessPal in the past, but find it a bit too much in terms of how long it takes me to enter stuff. I have limited opportunities to increase the amount of walking that I do, but where I can, I am at the moment. I'm not overly concerned about whether being very overweight will affect whether I can conceive, more about whether it will cause me big issues if I am pregnant. I was about 2 st lighter than I am now when I got pregnant with DS, so still about 4st over weight. I had a relatively straightforward pregnancy but did end up being induced and then having an EMCS. The consultant did say that this was not anything to do with being overweight though.

kaykayblue - thanks for your thoughts on this. What sort of health issues do you think are the most worrying when pregnant at this sort of weight?

I am not into thinking about "punishing" myself, I don't feel that restricting what I eat is a method of berating myself for my failings. I'm quite well aware that my health is important, and in many other areas of my life I am careful with this (don't drink, smoke, etc).

I have to say that I resent the implication that my child doesn't have a healthy relationship with food. I have always been incredibly careful to feed him a healthy diet suitable for his age, and every parenting choice I have ever made has been to best benefit him. He never sees me eat unhealthily or binge. This only happens when he is in bed, as I am acutely aware that I don't want him to have the same relationship with food. I also don't withhold certain foods - he gets a range of foods including occasional things like ice cream but not daily or even weekly. I don't use food as a treat, or as a bribe, or the withdrawal of food as a punishment. I am fairly certain that my DS has a really healthy diet and a really healthy approach to eating.

I would also say that exercising does not help me "burn off stress", just doesn't do it for me otherwise I am sure I would have found it an effective way of coping with stress in the past. And you say "doing some of the cardio that you are so sure you hate!". I am sure that I hate cardio exercise. Are you better at knowing my likes/dislikes than me? This is a bit patronising.

I do feel defeated before I start, though. You are right about that. I just can't bear the thought of months of having to be controlled and manage my stress levels in less effective ways. Does anyone have any ideas for how I can feel like I am indulging myself without involving food?!

I found this on the NHS website:

Most women who are very overweight have a successful pregnancy but if you have a BMI over 30, extra problems for you include:

miscarriage 
gestational diabetes 
high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia
blood clots 
infection (urine and post-caesarean wound infections)
haemorrhage after the birth
problems with breastfeeding
having a baby with an abnormally high birthweight

You are also more likely to need:

induction and instrumental (ventouse or forceps) delivery
caesarean section

Problems for your baby can include:

stillbirth 
birth defects (congenital abnormality)
a higher chance of health problems later in life, including obesity and diabetes

Sorry the layout is odd, I just copied and pasted it!

I understand how hard it is to lose weight, I am still battling with it now and have been for years. I think the only things I can suggest are to remind yourself of the above risks every time you feel like you want to indulge or binge.
I have also found taking up a hobby that uses your hands really helps! I took up knitting and you can't snack while you're knitting, so it stops those night time nibble urges!
Brushing your teeth or chewing minty gum when you feel like you want a snack also helps.
I wish you all the luck in the world because I really know how hard it is!
Oh and MyFitnessPal is amazing :)

Hello op I'm in the same position as you we are planning ttc in August.

I am about 2 stone overweight and have always struggled. I saw the nurse last week and she suggested healthy eating and introducing a little more exercise to prepare my body. But she stressed that I should not starve myself, just cut down and watch my portion sizes. This has given me a great incentive as I can see my end goal now and I hope to become pregnant and continue my healthy eating.

I understand how hard losing weight is and I just wanted to share my motivation with you. Good luck you can do this.

ifyou my fitness pal you can just scan the barcode of what you've eaten and enter quantity. Super quick!

I empathise with you totally, I've had issues with food since I was a teen. I commiserate,reward,comfort, celebrate with food. My binge time is when the dc are in bed too. Out of all the diet books I've read over the years the most effective has been a book called will power: how to master self control by Gillian Riley. It's not purely about food, it's about everything.

I really do rate Bach flower remedies, they can help deal with self sabotage, going in a vicious cycle, how you feel about yourself. They are great for overcoming all sorts of mental blocks.

I think this is something that you can only understand if you've lived it. It's taken me well over a year to lose a stone because my old way of thinking kicks back in as soon as I start to feel good about myself.

Good luck with ttc x

Cpt1Sock, thank you for the thought but Bach flower remedies and similar things are absolutely not for me as I think they are utter nonsense, sorry.

Unfortunately I can't just go out for a walk if stressed in the evenings. My DP has to work very late and so I am on my own with DS until way past it has gone dark even in the summer months

Hanflan, knitting or similar could be a good idea, although my concentration isn't great in the evenings after work. I think I need something relatively mindless/simple that I can do without having to think too hard!

Hahaha, I hear that a lot. My dh calls it my hocus pocus nonsense. I am v. Much a fan of holistic healthcare. Each to their own.

I hope you find some way to help yourself.

Hi op, mind if I share my story? I started ttc at 30. No luck after 5 years then a health scare forced me to lose weight but we carried on ttc while I was dieting. I. Didn't have a problem being bigger and I was only losing weight because my doctor told me to but I hated dieting and to me the fact that it might increase my chances of conceiving was a bigger motivator than just the ability to wear smaller clothes. I used mfp too. I agree it's good but it did trigger obsessive behaviour in me. But after doing it for 6 months and losing about 3.5 stone I got pg. I had an mc at 12 weeks but didn't put any of the weight back on during that pg or afterwards so I stopped mfp and 3 months later I was pg again and am now in my 26th week. I'm 36 now though and do wish I'd done it sooner.

Maybe you could go and see your GP about help with losing weight? I think there are various programs they can put you on.
If you really hate cardio then your best option for losing weight is eating less. Also I do think it's hard to cut back on food when you are exercising, as makes you even hungrier! My top tip is to only shop on a full stomach and just don't buy anything snacky. If it's not in the house then you can't eat it! I know if I buy a packet of biscuits I will eat most of the pack in one sitting, so I've stopped buying them and I only have stuff in that I need for cooking the dinner. You could also buy a smaller plate to eat your dinners from. That is another thing that really helped me to reduce my portion sizes. I know it's really hard, but after the first couple of weeks your stomach starts to shrink and then your appetite reduces.
Perhaps you could try something like Pilates? Not cardio, great for toning and also relaxing.
Indulgence - hot bath and trashy magazine? No need to use your brain and destressing as well.

The portion size thing was the most important lesson I learnt from mfp. In fact when I looked at my diet there wasn't anything else wrong with it. I agree with what the op says though about the time mfp takes even with the scanning. It drove my dh mad! Smaller plate is a good idea. Before I started mfp I did a very basic plan, you get into the habit of half filling your plate with salad or veg then a portion of protein the size of your palm and a very small portion of carbs of some sort Eg, 4 very small new potatoes. I also used the hairy dieters book a lot except the baking recipes I gained whenever I made those! I second the bath and trashy mag. Thats what I do or buy nice makeup.

I stopped counting excercise on mfp. I was only doing it and counting it just so I could eat more so it was counterproductive. I know I could excercise more than I do. It's generally just walking and swimming but better than nothing!

Is DS happy in a pushchair? You could walk with him in it if so.

For the evenings you could try a mini exercise bike? They are basically a little stand with pedals, you stick it on the floor in front of your chair and pedal, so you can do it any time watching telly or whatever as you can't leave DS in the evenings.

Sorry my first sentence probably sounded ridiculously obvious/patronising. Wasn't intended that way, I just remember how much hard work it is pushing the buggy, especially up the hills round here. I used to quite enjoy just taking the buggy out for a random stroll.