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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

relationship strain

8 replies

NowWhatSoWhat · 14/06/2014 09:47

Birthday today (35) , 2nd wedding anniversary last week, AF arrived with a lot of pain in middle of the night, so generally feeling sorry for myself. Ttc only 7 cycles, not long I know, but when I'm feeling low I just feel so much resentment towards OH who wanted to wait so long (18 months) before ttc. It caused a lot of tears and frustration at the time. We had discussed ttc timeline before wedding btw but my ideas on timing changed in one direction (wanted baby sooner) and his evolved in the other (not ready yet, there's loads of time) and I felt that there was nothing I could do but wait, and throw occasional, hormonal wobblers. Relationship great in other ways but obvs this is a big deal. He wants children but I'm so Angry that he assumed/still assumes it would be so fast and easy and basically wouldn't listen if I mentioned age/fertility statistics. Although we were at another couple's house for dinner recently and they were taking about their ttc frustrations and how fertility declines in late thirties, and he's there nodding wisely and agreeing.... Hmm Confused
I've talked to him this morning but he is still, 'stop worrying, it'll happen'. Like a broken record (I'm sure he thinks the same about me).
Anyone been in this situation and have a positive outcome story?

OP posts:
Original poster
NowWhatSoWhat · 14/06/2014 09:54

Forgot to say, I accept ttc can drive a couple a bit mental.... temping and opks seem to add to stress too in our case.
And I think that on Day 2 of AF (tomorrow) I'll be ready to pick myself up again and move on but this morning I just needed a place to vent. Thanks

OP posts:
RedBunny · 14/06/2014 10:03

I desperately wanted a sibling for my daughter as my husbands son coming and going all the time and not being particularly interested in her was so hurtful. My husband made me wait. Then we had two miscarriages and now it isn't happening again yet. So not the same situation but this has been a strain on our relationship too. It's incredibly hard. I have no advice sorry. But I kind of get how you feel.

tak1ngchances · 14/06/2014 10:09

Have you had any tests done? Its always worth a hormone profile for you & semen analysis for him.

Original poster
NowWhatSoWhat · 14/06/2014 10:35

Thanks for the replies. No, we have not had tests done. That is something to think about doing, it might put my mind at rest that we are not 'wasting more time'. I will look into that

OP posts:
tak1ngchances · 14/06/2014 10:38

Do. But you'll have to tell the GP you've been trying for 18 months or they will tell you to keep trying and not do the tests (in my experience)

Inshock73 · 14/06/2014 14:05

Hi Now You're not alone in feeling the way you do. I met my DP at 35 and he was 32, neither of us have children but both of us had just come out of relationships after 12 years. Anyway we didn't want to rush in to huge commitments and both wanted to enjoy each other before making plans for the future....fast forward 3 years and I felt really to start a family at the age of 38, DP didn't, so we carried on with our lives for another year until at the age of 39 my biological clock appeared out of nowhere and hit me like a hammer, and after several tearful conversations we decided to ttc. I fell pregnant immediately but had a mc at 9 weeks. We've now been ttc again for 11 months with no joy. I often wonder if it would've made a difference if we'd started ttc when I wanted to a year earlier, would I have fallen pregnant again quicker? I've tormented myself with those thoughts for the last year until eventually realising there's no point, you are where you are and you can't turn back the clock. When you stop looking back it's a hell of a lot easier.

You're 35, there's still time, the media does a great job in scaring the crap out of all us 35+ ladies but there are ladies on these threads in their 20's who are struggling ttc and ladies in their 40's with surprise pregnancies.

I would recommend having a few routine tests done purely so you know the state of play. There's a blood test at CD3 that measures various hormone levels and thyroid, another at CD21 (or 7 days before your period is due if your cycle isn't 28 days) and that measures your progesterone and will tell you whether you ovulated that month and your progesterone level is high enough to sustain a pregnancy. If you have a regular cycle that's a good sign.

Finally, there's a great thread on here for the 35+ ladies called 'Going clucking mental' everyone's really supportive and shares some good tips and advice.

Hope you manage to enjoy your birthday x

Original poster
NowWhatSoWhat · 14/06/2014 16:17

Thank you so much for the advice and support. I hope good news is on the horizon for you

OP posts:
chloechloe · 14/06/2014 20:41

I think you've been given lots of good advice already. What struck me when I read your post was that there is no point looking back over the past and resenting the fact that your DH didn't want to start trying sooner. You are where you are and it's more helpful to look at what you could be doing now, like getting tests done to make sure everything is in order so that you're not wasting any time. Having a baby at any age is a huge decision and you both need to be ready for it.

Sorry if I sound like I'm totally lacking in understanding, but I'm not! I know how frustrating it is to be TTC with no luck. Remember as well that it's normal to feel down at this stage of your cycle - in a few days you'll probably feel more optimistic. Focus on what you have, which is a good relationship.

Happy birthday BTW and I hope you don't have long to wait!

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