Husband is a wanker - literally

[sizethree]

So quick stats. 34 ttc no.1. MMC nov 13, nothing since although REALLY trying.
I decided to not put life on hold and just accepted brilliant new job.
This came with a discussion with husband of wether to still keep trying or stop for a few months til I settle in - as new job and early pregnancy double whammy of stress and exhaustion.
But we decided to just keep trying regardless and you never know when a pregnancy will happen. And we so so want a baby.
BUT I'm at the exact point of being my most fertile this month, and when I suggest morning sex, my husband has already gone and 'serviced himself' in the shower!
I can see the humour in this and no doubt when we have the baby we so desperately want this shall be funny. But at this current point it is not.
I'm angry at his selfishness. I'm angry that he doesn't have to deal with the utter feeling of failure each month when the witch arrives. I'm angry that he's seen what suffering a MC did to me but that a wank is higher on his agenda than another pregnancy.
Yeh, there's a lot of anger!
I'm also just frustrated that he's just not understanding the basics of falling pregnant! Gutted that good sperm has gone to waste when I'm at my most fertile.
How to i stop being angry? And can he make enough swimmers again for this eve? (Planning on putting the argument on hold until after sex!)
And one last thing is that I'm going to urge all non TTC friends to have as much normal sex as possible and TTC sex is an entirely different ball game - pun intended.

chill out. Youve taken a great new job. an occasional wank isnt going to change anything

Agree with chill out. If you spend time being angry with each other, you won't be having any sex at all.

I agree I'm afraid. Relax a bit. Trying too hard can make it more difficult to conceive.
We tried to concieve for nearly two years, I had charts, thermometers, sex to schedule. It put a big wet blanket over our sex lives.
We decided to stop trying and rekindle the romance and bring some fire back to our lovemaking.

I was pregnant 4 weeks later.

Agree with all of above.

Also, did he know you wanted morning sex? Not many blokes would choose a wank if sex was on offer, if you didn't tell him, give the poor man a break.

Oh and yes, he'll be ok for tonight :) let it go and relax. Good luck!

I completely understand where you are coming from, but agree with other posters that getting angry with him isn't going to help your relationship or your chances of conception.

To ensure he has a peak number of strong healthy swimmers, he should ideally have gone for about 48-72 hours since last climaxing when you DTD - so yes his actions have had a bit of an effect - but not that much. Yes he will have some more by this evening and you still have a very good chance of being in luck given that you are at peak fertility.

Forgive him and move on this month. Shag away tonight and keep your fingers crossed. If no luck this month, then next month as you are approaching peak fertility have a non-accusatory positive chat with him about things you can both do to increase your chances, you can keep him better informed about when you think you are likely to hit peak and he can save up his swimmers for you when the day approaches.

I think I'm overreacting because it would've been my due date today and I'd so wanted to fall pregnant before this date fell.
Thanks ladies.

sizethree for you.
Today would be tough. Why not talk about that together so that he understands why today might have been impt to you. Also explain why morning sex was available when perhaps it usually isn't and try to get on the same page. I can see the disappointment but he should be good to go later

Don't panic! All may not be lost with the swimmers-there will be plenty left if his sperm count is normal (assumed) so don't waste your fertile day assuming his swimmers are already wasted! In fact, longer periods between ejaculations (more than 7days) is actually worse than very short ones. Hugs to you though xx

OP I totally get where you're coming from

I have been furious with DH many a times for this exact reason!! TTC can be so stressful and it just feels like they don't care..

I totally understand where you're coming from! We've been ttc for almost a year now following a mmc and I've had times I've asked DP to not drink any alcohol and he has anyway, I've asked him to eat super healthily and he's continued to have junk (he's pretty healthy to be fair). I really don't think men feel the pressure, the frustration or the disappointment each month like we do. I have a rule with my DP no self love whatsoever :) it doesn't matter if he wakes in the night and fancies a bit, or it's first thing in the morning and I'm still asleep....jump on board! :)

Op - this would have totally pissed me off too. The trouble is, relax comments whilst well intended, aren't ultimately helpful. You are in the midst of desperately wanting a baby and now now now - that is how it feels when we make up our minds. I am now three and half years in, I've been stressed, I've been relaxed to the point of horizontal - I'm still not pregnant and I remain unconvinced that 'relaxing' is a) possible if you're not ready to relax or b)likely to make a huge difference. What you need is good egg plus good sperm plus good timing and be chuffed that you have shown you can become pregnant.

I am so sorry about your mmc and the thoughts of your due date, that must be so tough. Hope you can talk to mr three and feel better about missed timings. There's always tonight! Big hug - trying really is trying. Good luck.