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Conception

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Original poster

Husband said yes to a baby but not till January!

19 replies

ElleyBear13 · 27/04/2014 12:24

Hello mumsnetters,

I've just joined in hope to find some similar people in the same boat. :) My hubby came home yesterday and announced his ready to start trying and how does new year sound to me?

I'm a bit flabbergasted at the moment, we've been together since we were 16, married almost a year in september and we always said we'd wait till 2018 before trying (we're hoping to buy our first home later this year- currently renting). Hubby has always been very set with making sure we have enough money before trying and at the moment we're not rolling in but were comfortable. Hubbys now asking me why wait? All we've ever wanted is to be a family....I'm a bit excited, nervous and shocked to be honest. Any mums/mum to bes got any tips on where do we start? What do we do? Should we wait until we get our savings up or just go for it? My heads all over at the moment.

Over the moon! elley x

OP posts:

jassS · 27/04/2014 12:50

start folic acid now, cut down on booze and get yourself in great physical shape by exercising! Congratulations on husband taking the initiative, usually it is us the ladies who have to dot he persuasion! may you fall quickly when you start ttc!

Gemerama · 27/04/2014 13:00

This reply has been deleted

This poster has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to remove this now.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 27/04/2014 13:03

I'd want to know why he suddenly came home and announced it.

whereisshe · 27/04/2014 13:12

Um. Do you want to start now? It sounds a bit like you might want to be more settled first? Your OP reads a bit like it's all his decision.

wannabesedated · 27/04/2014 13:27

To be honest, beyond the fundamentals of figuring out how your future finances will work (i.e. is one of you going to work while the other stays home long-term, would you plan to work again after maternity leave, if so will you be financially OK for those months on just maternity pay, and will you still be able to get and afford the size of mortgage you want?), I don't think you need to wait for a perfect time. Life happens and will continue to happen after you have kids, there will always be problems to face or something that doesn't go as you planned - if you're basically stable then you have the foundation to build a family on, and the details will change and change again over the years anyway.

(Incidentally, the need to consider schools for the DC comes up faster than you think it will, so you may want to consider that when buying a house!)

But you both need to be comfortable with starting, too. It's OK to say maybe, or yes with the proviso that you are allowed to freak out and wait a bit longer when the time comes. Especially since you're the one that has to carry the pregnancy.

I don't really see why it's suspicious, though, SillyBilly? He just sounds like a broody wannabe-dad who's reconsidering whether they need to wait as long as they'd planned. Quite a lot like me and DH when we first started trying.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 27/04/2014 13:39

Just the way OP described him as very set on having everything right and their plan to wait 4 years, buy a house etc. added to that OP herself has said she is flabberghasted and shocked. It just seems as if this is out of character. OP did you ask him why the sudden change of heart?

wannabesedated · 27/04/2014 14:02

True, that is something they should definitely be talking about. But it is possible that broodiness has just kicked in. I know I tend to go from "yeah, we'll do that one day when it seems right" to "OK LET'S HAVE A BABY NOWNOWNOW".

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 27/04/2014 14:37

Of course- entirely possible. Just for such a huge decision, i'd want to know that it wasn't just a moment of feeling reckless and then to be regretted if they realise they actually both did want to wait. I know it's very exciting to know your baby will be coming sooner and i in no way intend to be a buzzkill but life experience and lots of time hanging out on MN has shown me that out of character behaviour sometimes needs a bit of furter investiagtion before such a massive decision is made.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 27/04/2014 14:39

Not suggesting anything bad is going on but i'd want to know what spurred it. Family pressuring him? Colleagues teasing him about firing blanks? Saw a mini Man U strip and decided he needed to have it?

wannabesedated · 27/04/2014 14:51

Very true! In that respect it's good that he's talking about January rather than right this minute - but it'd certainly be best to keep talking between now and then and establish that it's OK to change the plan, rather than set it in stone and end up with one partner feeling pressured to stick to plan because the other is expecting it.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 27/04/2014 15:20

Yup. Totally agree.

Maybe he works for tax credits and has had whiff of tax creds tripling for babies born in 2015

bellasorella · 27/04/2014 16:06

I am in exactly the same boat!!! Spooky!

Together since 16, married after 5 1/2 years together in 2011. Husband has finally agreed to starting to try in December/January.

He had, for a long time, said we needed to wait til we had bought a house to have children (we rent atm) then suddenly said that we should try next year. This followed him being paid on completion of a big project, so I think he just realised that actually there wasn't a lot stopping us. Could it be similar for your man?

We have decided to delay buying a house. Baby will come first. If we were to buy now, it would be a small house. We want more than one child and would probably have to move in a couple of years. Also if we wait longer we will have more money and will therefore be able to live somewhere nicer. The house we rent is in a lovely area and is plenty big enough for us two plus a small one, so why the rush to buy really?

Original poster

ElleyBear13 · 27/04/2014 18:28

Heyoo lovelies thank you for all the kind words, thoughts, messages and advice. We are deffos going to have some time to think about it, weighing up the pros and cons before going ahead. I've recently got a promotion at work and start my new job/ wages this june.

I think the sudden change in reaction is the fact that a month ago he started his 'dream' job that he went to uni to study for, hes spent the last three years on minimum wage stacking shelves and now hes in his job he's got a securer contract, and the wages have more than doubled. I think he's a 'workmoon' (if theres such a thing!) so now our dreams, hopes are in reach. Plus he's always been a little broody, we have two godsons, and i have two brothers ages two and five, when we take them out for days out/ need to nip in asda to buy spare socks/shoes etc he's often said 'maybe we should buy a spare set to put away for the future'....

Oo bellasorella i think we are in the same boat, weird! We've started to looking at areas for us to buy in, though the houses near good schools seem to double in price. Are good schools hard to get in? I'll have to start asking for recommendations! Is there anything else to consider when looking for houses? What about secondary schools? Ooo and how big are catchment areas?

thank you so much for all your advice and help xxx

OP posts:

Popple85 · 27/04/2014 18:28

I agree bella- obviously if you can afford to buy then that's great, but DH and I currently rent in a nice area 30 mins from London, and house deposits are HUGE... We've decided that starting a family is more important to us than owning a house, so have put the buying on hold for a few more years! Although it sounds like you've nearly got enough to do both anyway

Good luck!

Original poster

ElleyBear13 · 27/04/2014 18:39

thanks popple, we'll certainly keep that in mind :D i know rent/ deposits are relatively cheap where we live (NE) but its something to consider. With hubbys new job it does include travelling up and down the country. As hes just started we are considering to move to a better location, but where we live all our family/friends (willing babysitters) live. So its something we really need to get our head round before we do actually start! If we did move to a better location, we'd need to think of childcare/travel/moving my job/house prices etc. atm staying put seems to be the best option and hubby travelling home on weekends/ when he has his week off/week on shifts.

thank you x

OP posts:

bellasorella · 27/04/2014 19:24

Haha! My last post makes it sound like we've won the lottery!! Not quite, but we've struggled a bit since we got married and his business was getting on it's feet and it finally all feels a bit more stable.

Starting a family is more important to us too :)

Original poster

ElleyBear13 · 27/04/2014 19:28

ooo just wanted to wish you all the best for baby-ness and your future, i know it does feel like that! When we met we were so young babies seemed so far in the future im still a little giddy/nervous/excited that now's the time. eep!

OP posts:

bellasorella · 27/04/2014 19:28

Good schools CAN be oversubscribed but if you are in the catchment area for several good schools you should be fine. We are in a brilliant catchment area where we are currently renting, so until we can afford a house here (which is more than the average property for us too) we will just keep on renting! Sounds like that might be best for you at the moment too (as long as you have a friendly landlord!)

bellasorella · 27/04/2014 19:31

I know what you mean ElleyBear, it was a world away not so long ago, but this is what I've always wanted :) best of luck to you too!!!

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