would you ever tell someone not to leave it too late to start ttc?

[wannaBe1974]

This is something I've often thought about, mainly because of my difficulty in conceiving, but something which dh and I have discussed more recently. His sister is very much career driven, but recently she started talking about starting a family. They are in process of moving house, and initially were going to buy a bigger house so that they could have a family in the not too distant future. NOw her job has changed somewhat and she will have the chance to move abroad in the next 3 years or so, so now they've changed their plans and a family home is no longer on the cards. She will work in canada estabilshing her career for some time, and said that she will think about children then. DH has said so many times "she's going to leave it too late, and then she might regret it if she can't fall pregnant". Sil is very blasay, has the attitude that she pretty much can fall pregnant when she decides the time is right, but we all know that's not always the case? Of course I would never say anything as if/when she starts her family is her business, but I've often thought of saying to her "don't leave it too late, it might not happen when you want it to".

So would you ever casually say to someone to not be too certain they would get pg straight away if they put off having kids?

How old is she?

Personally, I wouldn't say anything. It's their business, and theirs alone.

I have done this to a work colleague in a complicated relationship and just used my own problems as the example. I don't think it's pushy, as long as you make it clear that you're just pointing out the problems you're having and that you know many others (us!) who have not been able to control this part of our lives even though we control the rest (speaking for myself - I thought I'd fall pg within 3 mths of stopping the pill). I had planned it like I plan everything in my life, but this is not really just in your control, and age, fertility of you and your DP/DH and lifestyle combined are what decide it.

In short - yes, I'd mention it!!!

I'd only say something if they raised the subject - I wouldn't offer my opinion uninvited, I think it would be rude to do so. It's their business and their choice; presumably she's an intelligent woman who doesn't live in an ivory tower, so she will be more than aware that fertility isn't assured - no matter what your age.

she's 28. No I would never say anything, but it is something that I've thought about, not only because of her, but because we live in a society now where people put off their families more and more because of career, financial reasons, getting married later in life etc, and even with all the statistics on 1 in 6 couples having difficulty conceiving, people still seem to have a "I won't be one of them" type attitude.

We spend so long in our lives trying not to get pregnant, that I think we often never consider the fact that actually we might not be able to get pregnant, or may have problems doing so.

I had a career when I decided to have ds, and I was only 28 then, if I'd put having ds off just three years to pursue my career, we would have been in the same position we are now, but with no children, and the possibility that there never would be any children, I'm so glad I didn't wait.

I suppose it depends how close you are to her too, whether the subject would come up between you and how comfortable you feel saying it.

I think after the problems I've had I want to shout "DONT LEAVE IT TOO LATE!" from the rooftops and maybe spare everyone the potential heartache of maybe never having a child of their own, but at the end of the day they can choose to ignore the statistics and be optimists and carry on with their lives believing they can just get pg when they want.

28?????????????????????? No way.

I might say it to a friend of my own advanced age, but frankly I disagree that we don't think about it - we're bloody saturated with the message that if we haven't found a bloke to get us up the duff by 35, tops, we might as well chuck ourselves on the scrapheap. The last person who told me 'I don't have much time left' was 35.

It's obviously pretty stupid to assume you'll conceive immediately, IMO, but age is only one of the factors that affect our fertility.

I wouldn't say anything. I think it would just come across as patronising and they're very unlikey to take your advice.

I could point out that one in three marriages ends in divorce but AFAIK nobody tells people that when they're breaking out the engagement fizz...

IMO i would not say anything unless asked, i am 24 and having problems and had been saying we will start a family in a few years from the age of 22 the thing is even if someone had told me the problems i was going to have i more than likely still wouldn't have started trying because deep down i was not ready then however now i am very broody and have changed completely.

Must admit though even though i knew the statists i never thought i would be one of them

The other thing is that you never really know what people's circumstances are, maybe she is just telling you that but there may be other issues. I have just got married at 32 and everyone I meet is telling me not to leave it too long but I am not prepared to tell people that we are TTC, partly for the fear of it not happening and people feeling sorry for you but also because I think it is a private thing between DH and I (and all of you of course!). You just never know what is going on behind closed doors.