So it looks like I have had a chemical pregnancy...was due on my period on 9th April, took a test the next morning after missed af and it was negative. Waited until the Sunday and took another test and got a faint but definately there positive. Took a digital test that afternoon and got a 'pregnant 1-2 weeks'. Hoping that I would get a stronger line, I took another dye test on Monday morning and the line was slightly fainter than the day before.
I went to the doctors on Tuesday and she wasnt sure having seen my results, so asked for a sample to test herself. I gave the sample in on Wednesday and got a call from the doctors the next day to say the result was positive - even the doctors receptionist was happy for me. Me and my partner were totally over the moon, and although I tried to stop myself, I was so excited and couldnt help imagining the sibling my 14mo ds was going to have, the excitement of having a baby around Christmas, and how happy I was to have a just under 2 year age gap between my dcs because I had wanted them close together.
Two days later...a couple of hours ago, I started what looked like bleeding I get at the start of my period. It seems to be slowly increasing although not at all heavy. I needed to pop to the shops and decided to continue as planned to take my mind off it and having just come back I have just take another dye test to see what the line looked like. It is almost invisible now, so I think thats the end.
I cant believe how devastated I am - without wanting to sound dramatic because I know people have suffered loss much later on - I feel heartbroken right now. My partner has taken the kids (our ds and dss) to the park with a friend and I am just sat here alone crying buckets feeling the most enourmous sense of loss for everything I had imagined and hoped for. Just before he left my partner told me not to worry and that we'd try again when we could, but I wanted this baby and all of the things I had imagined. I dont know if he will understand.
I am also worried that it means there is something wrong with me. I only stopped bf about six weeks ago so maybe my hormones are imbalanced? Or maybe I am damamged from ds's traumatic birth? Or maybe it was caused by the beginning of a fibroid that I have been told I have? It just feels so cruel to have it dangled in our faces and then snatched away within a matter of days. I suppose I had a gut feeling that something wasnt right.
Sorry for out pouring...just had to get it out because I have noone to talk to here and wondered if this has happened to anyone else and how you felt?