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Conception

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trying again after miscarriage

15 replies

jbee1979 · 25/03/2014 10:41

We found out on 03/03 that our baby had died at 12 + 4 and I had surgical evacuation on 07/03. Its been awful, emotionally, physically, work - wise (not sympathetic or confidential). I started the pill on 10/03 to help with my emotions and hormones, and I'm now on week 3. All I can think about is being pregnant again, but I'm terrified my body isn't ready - did it let my baby down the last time? I want to try again so much, but I'm terrified. I don't want to be in this place again, but I want a little one so much. Anyone understand? No one in my family or circle of friends has experienced this. Xx

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TinyTear · 25/03/2014 10:45

Some people jump straight to it, others need some time to process things.

Unfortunately I have had 5 mcs and most time I have taken at least 2 months before trying again... more after number 3 as I was waiting for test results

don't jumpt before you feel ready... mental health is also very important, not just your body

jbee1979 · 25/03/2014 14:46

Thanks TinyTear. Did your tests come up with anything to give you clarity? The nurse at the EPU was very insistent that I should give permission for them to look at my baby after the ERPC as they can tell what might have happened in 40% of cases, so I gave my consent. I'm waiting to hear about that - they said I had to wait 4-6 weeks. Everything is taking so long! Feeling very anxious and impatient at the moment! And emotional. I'm so sorry for all your losses. I can't imagine what you've been through. I had no idea that friends & family could be so insensitive either, so I'm very happy to receive your reply. Thank you xx

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TinyTear · 25/03/2014 14:53

My ERPCs never came up with anything (too small only 6 weeks ish by size 10 w by date)

The tests after MC 3 came back normal, then had DD, then 2 more and now the plan is to get tested for NK cells which is one of the only things I haven't had tested...

I didn't even tell my family until after i had my DD and even so only told my mum and asked for it not to be talked again... didn't want their sympathy... but that is me, odd relationship with family...

it's more common that some people thing but most people hide it, so you don't realise...

hope you have some supportive friends and a supportive partner... i have one friend who i can confide in as she has 4 children, but has also had losses and is really understanding....

GandTnow · 25/03/2014 16:02

So sorry to hear of your loss. Thanks I had a MMC at 8 weeks, found out at the 12 week scan. Had an ERPC and then some issues with cycles. All this started in November and it has taken me a long time to feel back to 'normal'. I still feel very sad sometimes and find it difficult seeing women who are pregnant, I'm very aware that the baby I lost would be due in May and I ache to have that baby now and be planning the room and looking at toys etc.

That being said, I didn't feel ready to try again straight away. I needed time to sort myself out first. We are thinking of ttc again soon, but I'm very scared of ending up in the same situation. I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone is different and that what I really needed was time.

I know that when I had my MMC I found threads on here so helpful and knowing that I wasn't the only person going through all this was a comfort. Thanks

LuckyAugust · 25/03/2014 18:51

I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our daughter at 15+2 weeks last month. At the time I couldn't imagine wanting to be pregnant again - that feeling didn't last long!! Now its all I can think about. We're more at risk of the same problem in future pregnancies but it is a chance I'm willing to take. I think I would be able to handle bad news again if I were to fall pregnant sooner rather than leaving it a while (if that makes sense). Its all I can think about and if it didn't work out next time I probably would just stop trying. We have 2 boys already and I'm so grateful for them but I would love one more. Tomorrow should have been my 20 week scan Sad . As desperate as I am to try again my dh wants to wait. It took a while to conceive our second son so I've had babies on the brain for 3 years!! He's only 10 months and we honestly thought when we started ttc number 3 it would take a while again. We couldn't believe it happened the first month! Thats also part of the reason I want to try again straightaway- just in case it takes a while again. I'm devastated he wants to wait (at least until the end of the year) although he has said if it means that much he would go with what I want. I'd rather it was what we both wanted, I know how hurt he was and where as I am desperate to be pregnant again he's scared of trying again and going through what we have. After a year off I'm due back at work on Thursday. They don't know what happened last month so I expect lots of comments about how lucky I am to have had such a long time off. I can't tell them the last few months have been hell. I'm sorry for my long ramble but wanted to let you know you're not alone x

LuckyAugust · 25/03/2014 19:23

Also forgot to say despite wanting to be pregnant again asap I will be terrified if/when it does happen too. In our case our daughter had a rare chromosome disorder and the extra chromosones came from me. Every now and again I think it was my fault and my stupid body / genes let me and her down. To lose a child is the worst pain I've ever known and whilst we will be terrified when we are pregnant again we must have some hope this time will be different x

jbee1979 · 02/04/2014 13:55

Thanks for all your lovely messages. I finished my pill on Sunday, and have been waiting on my period which finally crept in slowly today. Its awful! I'm conditioned now to think that blood is BAD!! LOL the doctor in the hospital told me that its psychologically better for men to start trying right away, although women often need to wait a while. I had a big chat with DH last night, he confessed he's really down at the moment. Primarily due to our loss, but also work & the weather, everything is getting on top of him and he has no real interest in anything because he was mentally preparing to be a daddy. We've decided to start trying as soon as possible, and just be cautious with our excitement about everything. Fingers crossed!!

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LittleMissSunshine33 · 03/04/2014 20:45

Sorry to hear of everyone's loss.
jbee at least you and DH have had a chat I feel my OH and I have got distant since my MC, it's interesting what your dr said though I think my OH was ready asap where as I really want to but keep finding reasons not to.

Have not had my first AF since MC I'm not even sure when to expect it?!

jbee1979 · 04/04/2014 13:56

when did u lose your baby miss sunshine? the dr in the hosp told me to expect AF in 4, 6, 8 weeks after the bleeding from the evacuation surgery, but I had very little bleeding after it, a few spots. she also told me to wait until after my first period to try again or start the pill. I couldn't wait to start the pill, because I have mental imagery of my uterus looking like a nuclear war ground, with dead trees and rocks lying around! DH doesn't like to use a condom, so I knew I couldn't consider accidentally getting pregnant in the first few weeks after (I needed to heal myself) but I wanted to DTD and be close to DH immediately! I spoke to my dr and he said as long as I started it within 5 days of the op I'd be protected, and to reassure myself (I felt very guilty about doing something to help ME) I phoned the Tommys helpline. I spoke to a midwife who said if I want to be on the pill, I should be, no one can tell me how to feel. also because I was crying on the phone to her, she said it would help my hormones. I suppose I was putting it off, like you! it has helped me, and AF arrived on Wednesday, sore and heavy for 2 days, much better today though.

although I talk about our baby, the hospital, finding out, the surgery, the pain, my cycle CONSTANTLY to DH he has spoken precisely twice to me about it of his own accord.

when I found out we were pregnant I told him every twinge, nauseous feeling, craving because I wanted him to own our pregnancy too, cos it wasn't all about me. he cried the day we found out it was over then he clammed up - and I find out now, when i'm upset he doesn't want to add to it, and when I'm not, he doesn't want to start something! ! lol

I askef him if we could try again soon, because I wanted to see if he was as cautious as me, and he ssid he wanted to try exactly when I thought I was ready. I told him I felt guilty about getting us pregnant, then losing the baby - because it was my idea to try, then I didn't end up producing him a bundle of joy (I know you're not supposed to blame yourself but its impossible).

I didn't want to try again because I didn't want to break his heart again if it doesn't work out. it turns out he wants to try more than anything, he has a wee bit of his heart set aside for our baby, and he feels empty waiting for it to come.

could you talk to your OH along these lines, I was so surprised to find all this out. I thought we couldn't be any closer and now we are. if we're never blessed with a baby, I am so happy to have my soulmate!

my gp said a miscarriage is a blip, a delay, its not an end. I found that hard to take at the time, but now I see, we're stronger for it, and if we're to have more blips or delays, bring them on now, im 34 and I don't have time to waste!! lol xx

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LittleMissSunshine33 · 04/04/2014 23:10

Jbee I'm so glad it's worked out between you and DH it's hard because I think at the time you both don't want to say anything to upset each other so you often don't really say what you want to say and start second guess each other which doesn't always end well.
Have you started trying again are you due a BFP soon?

My MC was 7th March my cycle before was exactly every 29 days so I'm hoping this will now continue but it would be tomorrow but there is no sign yet!

I understand the blip comment ... Now I wouldn't have before, still hurts but has almost made me put things in to perspective I just want a healthy baby!

jbee1979 · 04/04/2014 23:47

thats freaky miss sunshine! we found out on 3 march and I had the evac on 7 march, we're at the same stage!

I had AF with me on wed & thurs, but shes away today! I bought 50 ovulation tests from amazon cos I have no idea about the length of my cycle, never tracked it before.

I was lucky first time round, stopped pill after 17 yrs in November, AF 05/12, BFP 06/01 - without really trying. I'm goin to do the ovulation test every day from now - they were cheap & cheerful - just to see, and convince myself that I'm healing! also cos I need something to do! I need a happy thing to focus on, now I'm feeling a bit more like myself Smile

how are you feeling now? its a horrible roller coaster, isn't it?

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LittleMissSunshine33 · 05/04/2014 08:49

That's just like me too I stopped my pill in November and fell the beginning of Feb. Everyone kept saying at least you fell quick which at the time I didn't want to hear but now am touching wood it's the same this time!
I'm still waiting for AF but think I may start doing my OPKs as I could be ovulating and not know it! I tried the cheap one but prefer the clearness of clearblue.
Did you do anything to help last time? Vitamins, legs in the air?

jbee1979 · 05/04/2014 17:42

when I was coming round from the erpc anaesthetic I was shouting and crying, and a nurse started chatting and reassuring me. she said that DH and I are obviously really fertile (!) and we're lucky, it'll probably be as quick for us nx time - but she was comforting me, I'm touching wood too! !

last time I took preconceive vitamins in nov for about 6wks, then stopped - bad, I know, but I thought they were making me hungry and I put on weight! so I wasn't taking anything when I fell, but took folic acid for a week, then pregnancy vitamins. i've been on preconceive for a month now & I'm hungry all the time, I've put on 10lbs since jan, and I want to lose weight, but I have enough on my mind!!

last time I lay with DH and chatted after, no legs in the air, I just didn't jump up straight away, like I normally do. when I was trying to work out the date of conception, the calculator app thought it might have been c. 19/12 which is weird because DH surprised me on the settee on Sunday afternoon and I jumped up straight away to go and put the dinner on!! lol sorry if that's way too much info - but I'm hoping, if we didn't really try last time, a bit of effort this time could increase our chances!!

that's a really good idea, doing the OPK now, my sister-in-law doesnâ??t have periods after years of eating disorder, but she did them, ovulated & got pregnant first time. Don't let waiting for grim AF bring you down, take action and track ovulation instead! !

I bought the cheap ones to convince myself that if TTC doesnâ??t work, maybe its the cheap tests fault, and I have an ace up my sleeve (I can get the fancy ones if I need them).

ALSO don't want DH to think I'm obsessive, the cheap ones imply that I'm just tentative in my ovulation research. when I seduce him its like an experiment to see if they work, rather than a smiley face 6hr window in which he must perform! its like doing a science experiment! !

my sister-in-law got the smiley face on the ovulation test every day for a week, and she thought her body was playing tricks on her. turned out she was pregnant! now she has a little girl who will be 2 in august!

you don't have any children at the moment, do you? we're both going for number one again? xx

howz things with OH? Mine is sleeping on the settee, I came up to bed for a while - I deserve a rest after working 6 hrs today, before date night!! :-)

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LittleMissSunshine33 · 06/04/2014 09:39

Yuck 6hrs on a Saturday what do you do?

No children as yet trying again for #1 I tried everything the few months I was trying but I will def have the pregnacare vitamins and preseed again, plus OPKs and legs in air lol just a few things! Shame your vitamins make you hungry what ones do you take?

Things are good with OH we want the same things he keeps my feet on the ground when I get carried away with plans etc and was great when I had the MC he does find the trying to be healthy part hard he likes the pub and late nights (not partying just socialising, dinners, pubs, friends houses etc) which I know is fine and I'm not one for sitting around but I just hope he can relax if/when we come to have a baby.

How about yourself and DH?

jbee1979 · 06/04/2014 14:31

It's the pregnacare made me hungry! Aw well, will just keep taking them - I'll be fine, I could maybe just do with some willpower!!

I didn't try Preseed before, do you think it's any good?

I sell cars, it's long hours all the time and 9-2 on a Saturday, but we had so many customers floating about yesterday I had to stay on to see to them before I could leave!! I was speeding coming home!!

It's nice you have a bit of a social life!! I work and come home and get snugly! My DH either sees me in PJs or work uniform! Lol :-). Although it's hard changing your routine. I don't do anything really exciting, but I love a Chinese and a glass of wine on a Saturday night, and I missed that when I was pregnant. I used to feel so tired, then I thought DH was pee'd off with me for not being fun, being sleepy, blah blah. Must have been the hormones, now I realise he misses my being tired on a Sat nite cos he used to play xbox, now he has to talk to me!!

Are you working? I wondered did the long hrs and stress contribute to everything - my mind goes crazy sometimes. My DH keeps me right, like yours! I def need someone to keep my feet on the ground!

I got a fertility app for my samsung phone and it works on the ipad too - do you use anything like that? It's interesting!!

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