Any of my dragons there? Can't stop crying

[Allthequeenshorses]

Hello lovely ladies. I know, I know, this is in the wrong place, so move me. But the dragon ladies were all there for me and I don't really know where else to go. Farmers wife, solicitor by day, lonely tonight. Lost bean after ten months ttc two weeks ago today. Have kept going, went straight from hospital to course up North, stayed there two nights, back to hospital and have worked ever since. Tonight I am sad and I just cannot stop crying. Sorry for typos, can barely see the screen. Just wanted to speak to someone. Hope you are all ok. X

Bit late coming to this, but BIG dragon squeeze coming your way! Hoping you're feeling a bit better this morning, but as the others have said, there's no rush - if you need to mourn and cry, then give yourself time to do so. Bottling it up is never a good way to go - been there, done that (not been in the same situation, but done a lot of bottling) and it has taken me the best part of a year to re-learn how to open up and let other people help me.

Also, don't feel guilty or ever apologise for talking to us or asking for help. That's what we're here for! If you need someone to talk to, you know where we are :).

Sending more dragon hugs your way xxx

Early morning dragon hug here too-how are you feeling this morning, queen?

I've coped this cycle by getting 'getting back in the saddle' (hope you don't mind the horse pun) and praying I am one of the lucky ones who is super fertile after an early mc. Others prefer to wait until the feel a little better before trying again. Either way, do whatever you feel comfortable doing.

I did want to mention something my Reflexologist said that made me feel better; "your body is doing all the right things-it is learning what it needs to do and by getting to the fertilisation stage, you body will now recognise what it needs to do the next time, correctly." You will get your baby, my lovely xx

coming in late I'm afraid, how are you feeling this morning? It sounds as if you just kept on going and this is your body taking over and making you take time to grieve.

It's ok to cry. It's ok to be angry. It's ok to be jealous.

You will get there. And we'll be here to offer a hand, a shoulder or a manly punch along the way

Allthequeens I can only reiterate what these lovely ladies have said before me. Let it all out, this is a low point and it will get better. Can you and DH do something nice this weekend just the two of you? Ignore MIL, that was very insensitive and don't take any notice. Sending you lots of dragonny hugs this morning and hoping that you feel a bit better after some sleep xxxx

Allthequeens how are you this morning?

I'm so very sorry to hear how you are feeling. You need to cry, and rant, and cry as much as you need to. You have been so brave over the last two weeks to pick up and carry on, but your emotions need to appear somewhere and letting them out is the best way. I wish you didn't have to though, life is horribly unfair sometimes. Please keep talking to us. Never feel you are in the wrong place, we are hear to talk and hand hold whenever it may be.

Sending you a very big dragon hug!

I'm so sorry about your loss Queen. Sending you big hugs xx

Hey now Allthe, how are you this morning? (Glad my name made you smile - reckon it's roughly my ninth MN name and I'm rather fond of it m'self!)

Look, here's what I've learned in 4.5 years of unsuccessful TTCing, some chemical pregnancies and a miscarriage: whatever you feel, and whatever stage, that's fine. And fuck everyone who says otherwise.

You feel angry one morning? FINE. You're kind of brave by the afternoon? THIS IS OK? You have a couple of days of actually being quite bonny and optimistic? ABSOLUTELY DANDY. Then you have a couple of days of weeping? WHY THE HECK NOT.

The worst thing about my TTC ''''''''''journey''''''' was feeling that I was supposed to second-guess appropriate reactions to things to suit various quarters, be that MN TTC groups or my Mum or DH or my sisters or whatever.

I now, actually, hardly talk to anyone about it, because it's my business, and if my responses to it all veers between no longer giving a shit (believe me, this can actually happen!) to melancholy to rage, well, that's entirely up to me, and I do not apologise.

In short, stop apologising, to yourself or to anyone else, for how you feel or behave at any time. Unless you put a cat in a dustbin or something in which case, you know, the manly punch might get a bit sort of pointed.

Much love for the rest of the day.

Oh, and you're a criminal lawyer AND you deliver calves? I LOVE YOU.

Hi queen, I hope you're feeling a bit better today. I am so so sorry for your loss, I've also been where you are and nothing takes the pain away except for the old cliche of time and also your own acceptance of what happened, and it not being your fault (or anyone's). Your MIL was very insensitive but I'm sure she didn't mean to be, I find you get all sorts of weird reactions from people who just basically don't know what to do or say so just say the first thing that pops into their head (which is usually the worst thing!).
As English already said up thread, when you're ready to start again please come and join us on the ttc after MC thread, we're a good bunch and you'll get lots of support as you process all the emotions that go along with coping with MC.
For now tho please accept a huge huge hug from me, and I hope you'll be happily and healthily pg again soon.

PS I love your post fraggle. Hear hear to all of that!

Fragle has just about summed it all up in one short paragraph!, I hope today is a better day for you Allthequeens. Allow yourself to just feel what you feel. If you want to talk, talk. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to throw a complete tantrum, do it.
Nothing will take away the fact that you lost this little bean, but one day you will look back and realise that you got through it. You will get a happy ending, yo have to believe that.

Thank you all so so much. I had a very long night, finally got to bed at around four so heading for a nap this afternoon me thinks!! Finally got a calf with some assistance at around half three. She's fine so that's good news. Yes, court lawyer and very crappy farmers wife. Not really a good mix.

I appreciate all your support and guidance more than you will ever know. It felt a very lonely place to be last night but reading this this morning has really made me smile and given me some hope. Onwards and upwards I suppose.

I hope you all have a lovely day planned. Gonna get this house mucked out and then chill. Catch up later. Xxxx

allthequeens big dragon hugs