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Conception

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Original poster

TTC rainbow!

28 replies

jodiebones1 · 17/03/2014 17:22

Hi all!
Me and DH lost our little girl at 31+2 in feb. She was perfect

OP posts:
AllTerrainMammy · 17/03/2014 21:53

Sorry for the loas of your baby girl. We too lost our baby in February, a little boy. I am not handling it very well at the moment but do hope in the future that we can try again for our rainbow baby. We are very lucky and already have a DD.

I'll be watching this thread with interest for other people's success stories as the thought of going through another pregnancy terrifies me but I'm sure there's hope for the future.

Really hope you get good news soon.

Ducky23 · 17/03/2014 22:14

Am so sorry for your loss :(

I know it's very early to be trying again but I feel that I need to try ASAP, some people are totally different and don't want to try so soon.

I have ok days and bad days at the moment and if you ever need to talk feel free to message x

Ducky23 · 17/03/2014 22:15

Changed screen name by the way Wink

Tranquilitybaby · 17/03/2014 22:19

Sorry for both of you. I hope you get your miracle babies very soon x

Ducky23 · 17/03/2014 22:28

Thank you :)

AllTerrainMammy · 17/03/2014 23:42

Thank you. I know what you mean about the good days and bad days. Do you mind me asking if you're back in work yet? I feel there is so much pressure (although not from family or very good friends) to 'move on' and be back in work already and to be acting as if everything's 'normal'. I'd like to wait for the post mortem results before I think about going back to work.

Really do wish you all the luck in the world ttc your precious rainbow baby.

Ducky23 · 18/03/2014 00:06

I'm not back at work yet, I went to my 31 week appointment the beginning of feb, it was my last week of work before mat leave when they told me they could not find a heart beat. I haven't gone in since. Work were very supportive at the time but contacted me last week and have been a bit pushy. I just don't feel able to return yet because some days I manage and others I don't. I work in a place where I have regular contact with new parents and don't feel id be able to do my job properly if I was to return at this point. I'm taking each day as it comes at the moment and although it may sound strange I feel that becoming pregnant again will help me move forward. I find it frustrating the amount of people telling me I should go back to work as it will help to 'get back to normal'.

Ducky23 · 18/03/2014 00:07

And I Deffo agree about pm results. I would rather have them before returning!!! It sucks that it takes so long for the results :( x

Rubyshoe · 18/03/2014 09:01

Hi Ducky and ATM I'm so sorry for your loss. it's heart breaking. We lost our first baby daughter H at 40+2 last July and I felt as if my world had ended. We are currently 12 weeks with our Rainbow and whilst scared are hopeful. There is a really supportive and lovely thread under angels and rainbows for mums who have lost babies and I got a lot of comfort from this over the past 8months. I hope your TTC journey is kind on you, you are not alone x

Ducky23 · 18/03/2014 10:31

So sorry for your loss ruby and huge congrats on your rainbow! How has your care been? Would love to hear how you get on in this pregnancy :) x

AllTerrainMammy · 18/03/2014 17:14

Congratulations Ruby, I really hope that you have a very healthy pregnancy and it is not too stressful for you. Any coping mechanisms, please send them my way as I cannot begin to get my head around being pregnant again, but would so desperately love to have another baby.

Ducky, I feel exactly the same as you about work. I'm just not ready to go back, as I too work with pregnant ladies/new parents. It really does suck having to wait so long for the pm results and I'm dreading it to be honest. Don't let anyone influence your decision about ttc again, it is entirely the choice of you and your DH. I am very conscious of what others think and feel but then have moments of clarity and think what the hell does it matter. This situation is devastating and heartbreaking and is personal to people like us and our DH's, nobody should be able to rush us or make us feel judged.

It's comforting to have found someone here who knows how I am feeling as no one I know in RL has been through this (apart from my best friend who had a mc at 8 weeks before Christmas - but different in so many ways to what we went through, although I am not disputing how equally heartbreaking).

Hope today has been an ok day for you.

Ducky23 · 18/03/2014 17:52

I've read a lot of posts that say the pm results weren't conclusive and I'm worried they will not be able to give me a reason for what happened :-/ it was a bit of a shock to me because only after it happened to me I found out it had happened to a few people I know, it's like it's a taboo subject and unless it happens to you it's unspoken of.

AllTerrainMammy · 19/03/2014 17:05

Yeh, the pm results are a real worry. It sounds strange but we almost want there to have been something wrong so that we have a reason. I think not finding anything makes it so much harder.

Have you been given any indication of when your results will be back?

Ducky23 · 19/03/2014 17:14

They said up to 12 weeks, I'm on week 7 now.

If there was something they found I'm hoping it can be something they monitor closely in next pregnancy, if they come back inconclusive I recon il be terrified the whole pregnancy!

Has anyone had any pm results? Would be interesting to know what happened at the appointment so I can be prepared! X

AllTerrainMammy · 21/03/2014 21:00

Hmm, we were told 8 weeks but I'm getting so impatient and we're only on five weeks.

Have you thought of any questions that you're going to as? I keep trying to think of things but can't and I know I'll think of things afterwards and regret it.

Hope you've had an ok few days.

Ducky23 · 22/03/2014 17:55

I have a few things written down, my questions are mainly to find out about things that have could have possibly prevented it. When I went to my 28 week appt, the heartbeat sounded very faint and slow and I wasn't sent to hospital ad was just told 'it's normal' and I think at that appointment she never actually found the heartbeat, I think it was mine. And also the hospital kept picking up on infections and writing to my gp but they never did any further tests or anything so I wanted tofind out if that had anything to do with it.

I have also heard they will discuss what they can do for you if you become pregnant again and tell you about further care you receive.

Hopefully the appointments will come through soon Smile

AllTerrainMammy · 05/04/2014 23:16

How you doing? Any news on your appointment for your PM results yet? No news here.

Ducky23 · 05/04/2014 23:24

My appointment came trough today! It's 14th April Confused

Currently on 2ww also ConfusedConfusedConfusedConfused lol.

I was hoping that after giving birth my cycle would sort itself out cus I have heard it can do that but no luck! I got a positive on an opk day 27!!

How are you doing? X

AllTerrainMammy · 06/04/2014 19:04

Wow, excited for your 2ww and keeping fingers crossed for you!

Glad you also haven't got long to wait for your appointment. We've still not heard anything about when ours will be but I've decided to go back to work after the Easter weekend. I had originally wanted to wait until we'd had the pm results but I think if I don't go back soon I'll get to the point where I don't want to go back.

Keep me posted on whether you get your bfp!

Ducky23 · 06/04/2014 19:11

Hope your return to work goes well, make sure your ready tho :-)

Will Deffo keep you posted x

AllTerrainMammy · 14/04/2014 13:02

Thinking of you today, getting your pm results. Hope you get some answers.

Ducky23 · 17/04/2014 08:52

Hi ATM.

I felt a bit fobbed off at the appt.

He basically said she passed around 28 weeks, so I said so the midwife missed this at my antenatal appt and ignored me when I repeatedly told her when I couldn't feel her move then he re worded what he said and said she went somewhere between 28 -29 think just to protect the midwife :(

He said the placenta wasn't working properly and she wasn't getting what she needed

He said that her head was completely out of proportion to her body, this is as when there's not enough stuff getting trough the placenta for her, my body would automatically try and just maintain her brain so that part of the body grows but not the rest, but everyone who saw her has said that her head was perfectly in proportion to her body Hmm

He also said he's sending me for tests to see if I have lupus or another condition (can't remember the name) an I could be on medication for life and he made it feel like it was just me who needed these tests so I got really upset, but after talking to other people it would appear it's a pretty standard tests they do for people if they think the placenta didn't work properly. He didn't mention that.

I also asked him the chances of it happening again and he said i have a high chance of it happening again and I burst into tears, but the midwife was quick to step up and say although my chances are higher than someone it hasn't happened to, it's still a very low chance.

I felt that they could of worded a lot of it differently. I came away devistated and thinking there's also something wrong with me and I could be on medication my whole life when it would appear by talking to people that it's completely routine to do these tests when the placenta didn't work properly.

AllTerrainMammy · 17/04/2014 15:15

Oh Ducky, I'm sorry for you that the consultant wasn't more supportive and reassuring. I'm also sorry that there weren't any more definitive answers. Although it's a pain to have the tests, it may help to shed a little more light on what happened.

Any news on your 2ww, any symptoms or anything?

We got our letter this morning but have to wait until the 7th may for our appointment. Still feels such a long way off.

Will keep fingers crossed that everything goes in the right direction for you.

Ducky23 · 17/04/2014 15:18

I hope your appt goes well x

I got a very faint BFP this morning Smile was very surprised at my reaction! I burst out crying! I will be 4 weeks tomorrow so fingers crossed for this one Grin

X

AllTerrainMammy · 17/04/2014 16:45

Oh! So happy for you, what exciting news!!! Will be keeping everything crossed for you! The tears are totally understandable though.

I've just joined the other rainbow babies thread and noticed you are there too!

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