NEWBIE: pregnancy phobia; thoughts/worries, looking for women with similar worries!

[mswoowoo]

Hi all

I'm 28 and my husband and I have discussed trying for our first. Neither of us have tried before.
I have PCOS and am in the middle of hospital appointments to determine best course of action with regards to conceiving.

We both want a baby, with all our hearts, but I have a major problem with pregnancy.
I don't like the thought of having a baby inside of me, the morning sickness, the swollen hands/feet, the constant peeing, the bump getting bigger and bigger, and most of all... the labour and what it entails (pain, needles, possible surgery!).

Just the thought of being able to see the baby move, or the limbs poking through the skin is enough to make me heave!

This is in no way a vanity issue... I'm overweight and I'm not 'pretty' in the conventional sense. In fact, I've been unhappy with my body since I was young, but I've learned to put up with the hand I was dealt. This is not the issue.

I'm scared/worried/nervous about being pregnant, and all the stuff that comes along with it... I'm not very good with pain!

I know people say it will all be worthwhile in the end but I really can't agree. I'm absolutely DREADING being pregnant! Both my mum and my husband say I'm being silly, but I couldn't think of anything worse to put myself through!

I just wish I could skip all that and jump straight to having a newborn. Husband doesn't want a surrogate, and I'm pretty sure it has to be a medical issue to even consider it anyway!

Does anyone else feel this way?? I feel as if I've failed as a woman, like I've been wired slightly differently to everyone else.

xXx

I too worry about going through the pain of child birth... my friends, partner and I all joke about it now but I know one day it'll be a serious concern! I guess though if we really thought about the practicalities of childbirth none of us would choose to go through it, it's just the incentive of what's at the end that seems to keep us going.

Have you considered talking to someone professionally about this, or perhaps asking about it at your appointments to do with the PCOS? They may be able to refer you to a maternity counsellor for example. Could the PCOS / history of it be making you anxious?

You're not being silly so don't let anyone poo poo you into feeling so.
Your feelings are real and valid.
I would suggest you get some counselling to prepare you although I don't know where you would access it - first stop speak to your gp and explain.

I'll try to be honest with you from my experience.
The things you describe above about the vomitting, swollen hands etc... are not usually present throughout the whole pregnancy.
The baby movements - with your first you don't usually feel anything until around 18 weeks then it's not even an actual movement, more like flutters/butterflies iyswim?
So again it's not for the whole pregnancy that you'd be able to visibly see baby feet and hands moving around. It's not as weird as it sounds and it very quickly becomes a new kind of normal. I thought I'd be freaked out by it but I wasn't - I began to love watching it happen.

The pain - what worked for me with my first was adopting a realistic approach to it and not to listen to other people's horror birth stories.

I was just gone 17 and terrified of giving birth and the pain but went into it thinking - There will be pain, there has to be, a baby must come out. Plus I knew what pain relief was available to me.
I managed fine and it wasn't nowhere near as bad as I'd built it up to be.
I went onto have another 2 dc and I'm currently ttc.
The end result is so very very worth it, honestly.

Good luck Xx

Thanks guys :) that's made me feel a little better, reading your replies.

I guess it couldn't hurt to ask about counselling... maybe I could get hypnotherapy to help?

I think you're right about listening to other's horror stories though... it's enough to put you off for life!

I need to stop fretting and just knuckle down. Let's face it, once I'm pregnant I'm not gonna give it up! lol

xXx

you may also find that your feelings change once you are actually pregnant. especially if it takes you a while to get there.

I hav been lucky and have had no sickness or anything and am now 29 weeks. (apart from being very tired)

I also thought I would find it wierd to feel a baby moving. However I got to the point that I was desperate to feel him so I knew he was ok. now when he moves I am glad! also I dont hav any limbs poking out! I can just feel him!

I also thought I would hate a bump and 'getting fat' I don't! I don't love it but I know its a growing baby so the bump getting bigger is a good thing.

The other thing for me is that I dont actually like babies! I hate holding other people's and I never feel 'maternal' towards any small children.

Our baby is planned and I already feel very different about him (as I suspected and hoped) I would, even though he isn't born yet!

hth

Glad it's helped a little Mswoowoo

Certainly ask about hypnotherapy before becoming pregnant.
You can also do hypnobirthing - you'd have to look into it as I'm not knowledgable enough to advise you, having never tried it.

Ignore other people who share their horror - easier said than done I know as some people can't help themselves when they see you with a bump.
I was terrified about a certain procedure happening to me during labour and really was quite anxious about it.
I've NEVER experienced it during 3 times giving birth. Plus despite having huge babies, I've never had a stitch, not one. So all the worrying I'd done was for nothing.

Good luck on your journey Xx

Also I can highly recommend nhs talking therapies. You can self refer or go through your gp. Have a look online x

Thank you for all your advice ladies... even reading your comments has eased my worry a little!

Doc said she's start me on Clomid in a month or so (after some weight loss) and I've heard you catch pretty soon after a course, so I'd better get used to the idea of pregnancy quickly! lol

xXx