What not to say to a woman who has miscarried....

[broodylicious]

Having suffered my first miscarriage a few weeks back and therefore been on the receiving end of various comments from well meaning friends and family, I thought it may be helpful to those who have not had the heartache of going through it to know what not to say to those unfortunate souls who are/have. Please add your thoughts and suggestions too!

1. "you've got a daughter already, at least you know you can get pregnant"

2. "you've got a child, she'll help you take your mind off it"

I know these comments can be upsetting, I heard a lot of them myself, but they are usually coming from a well meaning place.
Unless you have experienced this you have no idea what to say or do. I am sure I said some things to friends who had lost babies which may have come across as insensitive, and now after experiencing it myself I will certainly react differently in the future.

But people don't mean to be hurtful. They just don't know what to say, but want to say something.

"don't try to conceive again for at least 6 months"

(said by the surgeon who performed ERPC, not for any particular medical reasons, she just thought I needed the time to heal emotionally. Fvck that, what I needed was to be pregnant again.)

'Go on holiday and forget all about it.' from a neighbour

'When is it due?' from a sonographer who was checking on an ovarian cyst as I was in the process of losing my son (which she had been told about). I told her that it didn't much matter now and was reprimanded for my attitude.