Secondment/career or baby

[pinklips]

I have been working as a HCA for a few years so I decided that I wanted to progress. I've also been ttc for 15months and had 1 mc since then. I want to become a nurse and have applied for secondment. I will find out if I've got it in April so we've decided to have a break ttc until then but then my question is, if I get it should I carry on ttc? I know my rights stay the same but it will impact the team who seconded me. So do I put team first or baby? I'll still finish my BSc Nursing after baby too but this is more a moral dilemma

Hi Pinklips - I have been in this scenario myself. I am a nurse and my Trust offered to Second me for a year to get my Masters in a further qualification - it would only have been a year at Uni though so much less time than you are having to consider. It was really bad timing in my eyes as it meant starting the qualification a few months after me and DH got married and we had always planned to TTC straight away.

I was 30 and thought, "Do I want to delay TTC by a whole year?" - I also knew that after getting the qualification it wouldn't make sense to me to then TTC and leave my new profession straight away after working so hard for it. Ideally I would have liked to have worked in it for a few years before then making any life choices that would take me out of it. But that would mean delaying TTC for 2-3 years and I knew that could lead to problems such as it being harder to get pregnant the older I got etc.

I was really torn but in the end I turned down the Secondment. Me and DH got married, we started TTC 3 months later and I'm now 6 weeks away from giving birth. I know the offer of Secondment may arise again in the future or it may not, but I know I made the right decision for me. I've got 25 years ahead of me yet in my career and I certainly don't feel I made a mistake in making the choice I did.

However, your situation is very different to mine as your Secondment length is much longer and you have already been trying to conceive for quite some time. You don't say how old you are so I don't know if age has to factor into your decision but definitely was for me.

If I were you, I would do the Secondment. I think you should do research into what would happen if you did become pregnant during your training as it could potentially get very complicated and you need to know it is a situation you can deal with should you get pregnant before committing yourself. Would you aim to return to your studies ASAP after the birth or would you want a few years out?

In a perfect world the best choice would be to delay TTC (if that was an option for you) get your qualification and then start TTC. But life just isn't that simple is it??

what does your DH/DP think??

I think you should act as though you are not pregnant until you are pregnant.

TTC is not a decision to DO something, it's a decision not to prevent something happening.

You don't owe contraception to your employer. That's a private matter that is entirely your business.

Should there be a pregnancy to be dealt with, then you (and they) can deal with it.

pinklips it's so hard. I've not been in that position exactly but I do have a career to which I am hugely committed and have had to think about my career and Ttc but all I've ever real wanted is a family. BUT I have now been ttc for 15months and much as it's what I want more than anything, I might not get it. I might not get pg ever and it is heartbreaking and so hard to deal with... What I do have however is my career and my life. In short, like previous poster said, until you re pg, live like your not pregnant.

Up to you but just my story!

Good luck whatever you decide

Thanks for your replies. writerwannabe: I know what you mean about getting the qualification and then taking time out on maternity so that would extend my waiting to ttc even more. I'm in my 30s too so by the time I've waited to qualify plus worked on a ward I'll be heading towards 40 and putting it in this perspective, given that we've already been ttc so long with 1 mc, it makes ttc more appealing. DH is ready for a baby now but understands how important my career is. As you mentioned 25+ years of a career to work at seems ample time to train!

Joinyourplayfellows: you have made a very good point "act as though not pregnant until you are". I'm afraid after ttc for 15months I have put so much on hold 'just in case I'm pregnant this month' and always been disappointed when af comes. I'm slowly beginning to come round to this thinking too. Well said too that I don't owe contraception to my employer.

m33r: sounds very similar to me. Thank you for your personal view/experience.

We have made a decision and we are going to carry on ttc and living life. If it happens halfway through the course then we'll deal with it. I'm sure I won't be the first or the last.

I could still train whilst pregnant then 9 months out for maternity and carry on where I left off. Thanks for your comments. They have been great. Sometimes it helps to write the fears down and they become clear as day!