Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Flip

Original poster

Big families

18 replies

kirstikids · 04/08/2006 14:00

Hi
I have 3 gorgeous children.
I have always wanted a big family surrounded by kids!!!
But why oh why do people think i'm strange for wanting this?
Years ago it seemed everyone had big families, that was the norm, but now some people think theres something wrong with that.
Some also seem to think the more children you have the less social and "normal" you become?
People assume you only want more children for a bigger council house and more benefits, and yes I know there are some that do, but not everyone.
We live in a nice house in a nice area but just want more children - What is wrong with that?
Sorry for rant - Just seem people (not you) can be so critical. Surely my life is my life and theres is theres!!!

OP posts:

zubb · 04/08/2006 14:02

at the moment it seems that 3 is the norm round here - and quite a few have 4.
You get comments however many kids you have so just ignore.

nogoes · 04/08/2006 14:06

People will criticise whatever you do. I waited until 31 before I had ds and I had so many comments from people telling me that I should not wait and I would be the oldest mum in the playground!

Sometimes I think people are unsure of the decisions that they have made and if they see someone with the opposite to what they have they feel a bit jealous and convince themselves that they have made the right decision by belittling your decision. At the end of the day they are just envious of your happy brood.

flutterbee · 04/08/2006 14:07

My mum has had 7 children and would have had more if she could. She loves children and always has and yes people always reacted in shock whenever she said this.

I too would like a large family but unfortunately I am not as lucky as my Mum and have to think about finances so I expect we shall have two, three at a push.

I think large families rock.

Original poster

kirstikids · 04/08/2006 14:10

Thanks already guys.
Flutterbee - how lovely for your mum and I guess lovely for you to, growing up with lots of brothers and sisters!
My youngest is ony 4 months old so not ready for the next one yet, but just adore been pregnant and having babies!!!
Not sure how I'll ever stop LOL

OP posts:

sockmonkey · 04/08/2006 15:08

I am one of 7, and though we never had much as kids, It was great to have all those brothers and sisters. I would love to have a big family too, but DH wants to stop now we have 2... he keeps talking about getting the snip, as his best friend & BIL have both just been for it done (but they both have 4 kids).

Big families are great! If it makes you happy then why not go for it!

dreamydowler · 04/08/2006 17:54

hi there I have six kids and am 36+2 days pregnant with my 7th due on August 30th. I love having a big family and no decision is being made as to whether or not to have any more after this one just yet. I am 40 this year and yes people think I am crazy and yes we have had to make a lot of sacrifices especially as we only have a 3 bedroom flat. Me and my partner have a sofa bed in the living room so we can accomodate everyone but we are very happy and my kids have never gone short of good quality clothes allbeit not 100 for trainers. We try to go on holiday to cornwall each year have a minibus and have days out often the children go to numerous clubs and have been on every school holiday they wanted to my eldest daughter is 18 this year and is in Thailand as we speak she goes to uni in september but has had a part time cleaning job to cover half the money for the trip I cleaned to pay for the other half for her for her 18th. I have four daughters aged 18 this month 16 15 and 3 with another girl due soon and two boys aged 14 in sept and 8. Its always busy there are always friends to stay dramas with boyfriends to deal with pocket money to find clothes and hair brushes to find always messy with the washing machine going twenty four seven and never ending cycle of decorating over crayoned on walls always noisy and manic and very few precious moments to ourselves but xmas and family get togethers are amazing the children are a big help to me and each other and put on little shows for us and drag their quilts through for family video nights. I wouldnt be without them for the world and think anyone who wants a big family should go for it

Sallie · 04/08/2006 18:10

Hi - I have three little ones too - each are 18 months apart and I would love a 4th. Money no object I would have loads of kids but so often it does come down to finances. I also have the added complication of not having a particular good relationship with my dh at the moment, although hopefully things will get better. I think you also need to think about the impact another child would have on your existing brood... sorry for the rambling nature of my post!!!

strongmints · 04/08/2006 18:13

DREAMY D you sound quite a woman - i take my hat off to you

Quootiepie · 04/08/2006 18:36

dreamydowler- your my idol!

psychomum5 · 04/08/2006 18:55

dreamy...wow lady....I have 5 but hats off to you!!!!

I have to say, I would have loved more, but we had to make the descision (tried five times to spell that, still doesn't look right), not to have more after the last time as I almost died, as did DS2. My body probably couldn't handle more, but I always feel as tho someone is still missing from our family!!!

that said, I have to say that from societies expectations, more than three seem to be frowned on, and even three isn't really the done thing unless you only have one gender kiddies, and then it is allowed as obvioulsy you must be trying for a boy or girl depending. makes my blood boil at that .

I have three girls, and baby no#4 was allowed to be tried for to have a boy (which we did), but when we announced no#5 we were disowned by my family as we had a boy, so more was greedy/smacked of not being able to stop having sex(and yes, that was said by my aunt)/having no thought for our other children.

In fact (altho no#5 was a surprise) it was because of the others that we wanted another....we didn't feel that it was fair on our son to have only sisters...we hoped at some point to have a brother for him, which we were very luckily blessed with. It does rankle tho that other people seem to think it ok to comment (and make us feel guilty), for having 'more than the norm'!

I still feel sad that all of my side of the family have yet to meet our youngest son, who is now four! He is a delight (most of the time), and they have also missed out on watching the others grow and change and become the people in their own rights.

all of ours dance, and have danced on stage too[proud mummy emoticon], and have done fantastically of which I am so proud, and so wish that my family were there to see them. it is sad....they are missing out on so much, but I know that is their fault for their prejudices at what they think large families are.

large families are fun, noisy, busy, energetic, never boring, arguementitive, messy, insane, tiring, wonderful, confusing....and most of all happy.

and I wouldn't change it for the world!!!

sorry for any typos.....not proof read

Dragonhart · 04/08/2006 19:49

pshychomum5, cant believe that your family would stop seeing your kids cos there was too many. Very sad for THEM but I suppose for you and your kids too

I would love a big family but do worry about money, room etc. Having my 2nd, due in Jan and so happy my DS is having a brother/sister. Have to have a ceserean (sp?) this time due to problems last time so guess I will be limited as to how many I can have (think you can only have 3 sections at the most?). DH says he want 2-3 but I would love 4 (is that big?). Prob endup with just 3.

Quootiepie · 04/08/2006 19:55

my mum keeps saying "you better not get pregnant again"...

juuule · 04/08/2006 19:56

You can't win whatever you do. Ask someone who only wants 1 child or no children. People pass comment on that aswell. Have 2 of the same sex and there will be people asking whether you will try for one of the other sex. Seems if you don't fit into the majorities idea of what they see as normal then they feel it's okay to question/criticise your decisions. I'm sure some people are genuinely intrigued. I've asked what might have appeared to be crass questions of parents of twins from genuine interest of how they manage in the hope that I could pick up some tips. I've been grateful to the parents who gave me reasonable answers and didn't bite my head off for asking. However, if I've been given short shrift then I don't feel alone with not always being on top of things. Others feel like that, too at times.
I've done my share of being annoyed and irritated at some of the more stupid and inconsiderate comments. Now I just mostly ignore idiotic comments and get on doing what is best for our family.
As you say you are not asking anybody else for anything and if more than 3 children feels right for your family then it is nobody elses business.
Doesn't stop you telling them that with a smile though. Having said that if you're having a bad day or heard enough daft comments in one day, feel free to bite their heads off - I do

Quootiepie · 04/08/2006 19:56

theres such a stigma with having kids!

psychomum5 · 04/08/2006 20:02

dragonheeart....four c-sections shouldn't be unfeasable surely....is not psoh spice trying for baby#4 and she has already had three by section.

I think if you really want that many you should ask you midwife what she would think....mind if you are currently expecting no#2 she may think you are jumping the gun a little!!!

and as for me....yes they really did disown me for having 'too many'......last time I saw any of them was the xmas I found I was expecting no#5. since then I have sent pressies and cards for xmas's and b/days, but never recieved a thankyou, not anything in return.

I still send as I am not going to be the one to bear a grudge, but it does rankle somewhat that they are all for accepting the pressies, yet not for resiprocating. I feel for my children tho....they ask about my family and I tell them about them (actually, my mum is schizoprenic and she isn't the one doing this....tis the rest of the family!), and they feel sad that they don't get to see them.
the way I see it tho is that I don't want to now let my kiddies pick up on their prejudices so am happy to not see them

xmas is hard tho......they see friends etc getting so much (and their cousins on my DH's side), but our kiddies only recieve from us and DH's family. I know xmas isn't about the pressies and how many they get, but they do realise and understand that I buy for my family (as they help to write tags and wrap), yet never get back in return.

hey ho.....they are growing into wonderfully inderstnding people, so my aim is being realised and I can say it is down to me....n-one else can try to claim credit!!(well, except DH of course)

sockmonkey · 05/08/2006 09:33

My mum always got stick from my oldest brother about every folowing baby... he wanted to be an only child, but we all get on great now!!
I think it's sad that you are looked down on for having a big family, once upon a time it was normal, my grandad was one of 14 surviving children (his mum had 26) Now thats a family!!!

I think if you can provide a happy safe environment for a child, then why not keep on having babies.

Original poster

kirstikids · 05/08/2006 10:37

Thanks guys.

You make me feel so much better about it!!

Bring on the babies

OP posts:

allyco · 05/08/2006 18:29

I've got 5 too. Four DDs and this April joined by DS. So many people thought we kept having babes just til we got "the boy" but we had them cos we love them!

If I wasn't so old I may even think about another.................................

Flip