Ttc #2 and freaking out already...

[Teatimecakes]

It's only been two months so I know I'm being utterly ridiculous to be panicking - but I am. 1st pregnancy was a breeze and I fell pregnant in 4 month of trying. Ds birth however was the stuff of nightmares ending with a c section. All I keep thinking is that the surgery has damaged me, I'll have terrible adhesions, placenta will attach to my scar, that I'll mc.. Amongst others. I'm literally obsessed and can't shake it off :(
Sex is like a military operation and we're both miserable. Dh is very understating but this time around is so different to the attitude we had when trying for ds 2 years ago - I just can't relax about it this time

Hi Teatimecakes, I had an emergency c section at 31 weeks with ds due to pre eclampsia (he's now 10) and I was so worried and anxious about having another pregnancy for exactly the same reasons as you. As soon as I was pregnant with dd (now 8) I was offered another c section but I really wanted a water birth!
I had gestational diabetes with dd though and they decided that she had to be born three weeks early, they gave me one chance of natural childbirth by inducing me but wouldn't do it again incase the previous scar ruptured.
So I had another c section and, you know what? It was much easier to deal with afterwards, probably because I knew what to expect having had one before and having a two year old to look after kind of took my mind off it!
My consultant said afterwards that there's no reason why I couldn't go on to have several more c sections if I wanted.
Having just told you all that though, I'm not sure this or anything else would stop you from worrying about it all, just know that you're not alone.

Thanks for your reply. I was deverstated to have had a c section and really traumatised by the whole experience. I'm desperate for a water birth next time and am prepared to pay an independent midwife to help support me in getting the best birth experience I can - even if that's another section- I couldn't face that again without a professional on my side. I keep thinking that if I'm left with no choice but a section it'll be better as I know what to expect - but no mount of rational thinking is working - I need that bfp - but then the stress will really start

Paying for an independent midwife might be the key. When I was admitted I asked for a water birth and they told me that it depended on the midwife I would have, I didn't know what they meant until I met my midwife. She was clearly in the wrong job, an utter misery who flatly refused to even entertain the idea, I did start to have contractions but she said to lay down, I didn't know at the time but that was so my contractions would stop and she didn't have to deal with me.
The midwife I got when they swapped shifts was completely lovely, if I'd had her first I might have got my water birth.
So, yes, definitely pay if you can afford to.

She sounds awful - I met a lot like that too while I was in hospital - coupled with incompetent drs it was hell. Like you I was rescued by one lovely, amazing midwife, but that 24 hours after the section. She literally scooped me up and started emotionally sticking me back together after I'd been ignored, shouted at, belittled and degraded by every other 'professional' I'd met

I was really shocked at how awful some of them were, you expect there to be professionalism and kindness... Well I was younger then!
I'm glad you had a lovely midwife who came to your rescue, I think they mostly are lovely and I hope you (and me) manage to find another this time, WHEN we need her of course!