Mum of 2 boys... Trying for a third... Advice please!

[Bunsyduff]

Dear all

I am mum to two fantastic, crazy, whirling little boys who are 4 and 2. I am ready to try for a third ( and most likely final) baby, and am having really difficulty in reconciling myself to the fact that I will, in all likelihood, have another boy.

I am aware this sounds wrong in so many ways, so please do not judge me; I know how HUGELY lucky I am, and I know that all that matters is a happy, healthy baby.

I also know that despite the methods out there, from ovulation to diet, after two boys I am most likely to have a third. I have ALWAYS felt massively at ease with boys of all ages ( have three brothers) and I would be thrilled with another boy, however, a tiny part of me feels overwhelmed with sadness at the thought of never having a girl.

Has anyone been through this? Feel like I am full of sadness and yet am sooo happy at the idea of having a baby again. But want to be totally fine with the prospect of being utterly outnumbered rather than a surprise I had been ignoring at the end of the pregnancy.

Thanks all x

Well if you really don't want to risk it, don't try!

Otherwise, there can be two boys followed by a girl, of course there can. My DH has an older brother and younger sister.

Two of my friends have 2 boys and a girl, and one 2 girls & then a boy.

I have 2 girls... If I could guarantee a third girl I'd have a third..., but only because everything we own is pink!!

I have been in your position, we wanted 4 children and had 3 ds and when I became pg with dc4 I was desperate for a girl as I had always imagined having a daughter. We discovered that dc4 was a boy at the 20 week scan and I'm not ashamed to admit that I was upset as I knew this was it. It was a difficult few weeks as I couldn't talk to anybody as I knew I should have been thrilled I was expecting a healthy baby and yet I was desperately sad. If I'm honest it took a couple of months for me to come to terms with not having a daughter but I can honestly say the moment ds4 was born I was so thrilled he was healthy and gorgeous and I certainly didn't feel disappointed. I think for me having that time from the scan until he was born really helped me come to terms with it and move on.

Pressed post to soon

pregnant mum of two boys here. i thought i'd be disappointed if this one wasn't a girl, but was surrpised to find i wasn't. boys are great and i was so overwhelmed with relief that he was healthy and there was only one in there, i came to realise it really doesn't matter.

i now love that i will be having 3 boys.

I have 3 boys & definitely had a moment of wishing DS3 would be a DD when I discovered I was pregnant. However, I couldn't imagine having a girl now. My third son is the absolute light in our lives. I could gush about him all day .

DS1 & 2 are obviously fabulous too !

Saying all of that 2 of my friends had had two boys & their third children were girls so it does happen.

Sorry stupid phone, however we had some crazy news when ds4 was 5 months old. I discovered I was pg, to this day we have no idea how it happened as we were very careful. Initially this was a very unwanted pg however I didn't feel I had any other option but to continue with the pg and much to our complete shock dd1 arrived. She is 2 now and we still can't quite believe she is here. So don't give up hope, it does happen.

No judgement from me. It's clear that you are excited by the prospect of having another child not just a chance to attempt to have one of the preferred gender.

Just try to remember that gender is such a small part of who a person is. Each of your boys are individuals and another baby will be an individual too. You may have a little girl that prefers short hair and hates frilly, pink, fluffy, glittery stuff. Equally your boys may not turn out exactly as society suggests that boys might.

I feel just the same way, it is hard to admit to gender disappointment. We know there are people struggling to conceive or carry a baby that desperately just want a healthy one, but yet you cannot help how you feel. I am sure Dad's of girls sometimes feel it too, those pictures in their head of doing boys stuff together.

I've just had ds2, ideally we wanted to stop at two children but now I've had my second ds a part of me feels I need to try again for a third or I will always wonder. If it were another boy I would be initially disappointed but would accept that is what was meant to be for me. I will probably research the gender swaying methods/diets.

I just always saw myself with a girl too, I found out my ds2 sex because if it was a boy I wanted to come to terms with that and see all the positives and not be disappointed at the birth. I guess I just feel that when you have a daughter then it is different relationship, say when they get married or have a baby, it's not that I want pink and sparkly or someone's hair to braid. I am afraid of when the boys are teenagers and I am outnumbered dealing with three men's toilet habits and fighting to watch something nice on telly when they'll want sport or to play x box all day.

I know of two mothers with 2 boys who then had a girl. I think it is still actually a 50/50 chance each time, and a myth that the more boys you have the more likely they are to be boys. This is a good explanation: www.in-gender.com/xyu/Odds/Gender_Odds.aspx

You are only marginally more likely to have another boy. The odds never deviate far from 50/50.

It's normal to feel sadness about one door closing. Realistically, a child's personality will always make more difference than what's between their legs but we live in a very gender divided society and it's sad to let go of the possibility of parenting the sex you don't have and the curiosity about what that involves.

No flaming here. Good luck ttc a third lovely little baby.

All these sons...they might not be into sport or x box. Or they might be really fastidious about bathroom cleanliness. Not all teenage boys are animals!

I hope so Hester!

Well all I can say is what lucky boys all these little ones are ( and girls!) you all sound like fantastic mums.
I suppose it is a question of being as close to them as I am to my mum, but I think it is probably a mixture of luck and how we bring them up as strong , decent men who want a good relationship with their mums...
I also think boys - yes, teenagers too , are amazing and super straight forward - am massively generalising!
Purplepippin you sound like a total legend- what a story! And showy v wise.
So thanks all. You have made me feel a lot better.
Will persevere with acceptance and not eating salt etc... And be super grateful for whatever happens.
X

It sounds like you have a superb attitude. Remember, if you do have another baby and it's a boy, you can feel disappointed that you won't have a girl. Because it's fine to feel sad about things you'll never do. This doesn't mean you're sad about what you are doing. You won't mourn the child you have but you can have a little tear for the one you won't. Same as I feel a little sad about the things I'll never do and the places I'll never see. The things I have done have been superb and this doesn't detract from that but there are always things we let go on the way.

My husband and his brothers are extremely close to their mum fwiw. DH was a teenager when we met and his brothers were 11 and 13 respectively. They bear hugged their Mum in public, told her they loved her in front of their mates and now they're all great hulking adults, they look after her and adore her. She happens to have a dd too after those three boys and let me tell you, one of her sons is a ballet dancer and her dd is a dress refusing woman who has played rugby for England and is currently taking up boxing. So there are no givens for either sex. I have a rugby playing, mud loving, superhero worshipping girl and a little boy who is quiet and sensitive, adores pink and loves to dance, sing and put on dresses. Neither conforms to any stereotype tbh. Just little characters, which is as it should be.

Good luck conceiving your third baby.

I'm in your boat, I've got two boys, and we are trying again. I had a mmc last year which was at 8 + weeks again! I fear I can't carry girls, it's only been since my latest m c I've actually come to terms with the fact I do actually really want a little girl, I'd be happy ultimately with a healthy baby and a stress free pg, but deep down I think like the poster before did I'd use the time from the 20 week scan to come to terms with everything.

We were not going to find out with our latest m.c preferring the surprise, as either way we would only have three children, but likewise now I've reconciled that I think finding out would be best.

Fwiw one of my Nan's had two boys followed by two girls and other three girls then three boys so I guess it's the luck of the draw to be honest.

Showy said exactly, I'd mourn not having a mother daughter relationship as I'm very close to my mum, however that said I adore my boys and how both of them are little mummys boys with lots of cuddles and affection. It's tricky.

A child is a gift no matter what the gender it think that's the key point to remember,

Wise words Showy, well said, captures the feelings perfectly

My eldest son is 13 & loves a day out shopping with me, he loves going out for lunch etc and having a gossip. I really think lots of teenage boys are like this nowadays, they certainly like their fashion. The only downside is the hours waiting in TopMan.

I also accept that most Sundays will be spent on the touch lines of sports pitches!

Good luck to all those trying for babies

Showy you have made me feel better- soooo much better. And I love the idea of Sunday shopping.. Sweet!
It's turning out to be quite exciting. Provide I can muster the energy to ttc...