Hypothetical Christmas/new baby question!

[Orlea]

I'm currently ttc and thinking about a lot of what-if scenarios. One of them is Christmas 2014. DH and I take turns to spend it with our parents, and 2013 was my turn, so 2014 is his. In theory.

The reason I'm thinking about this so early is that MIL likes to plan things ages in advance, so I want to be prepared with various scenarios depending on if/when I get pregnant/give birth. I know this sounds like overkill but please go with me…

We recently moved to a reasonably big house and so hosted our first Christmas last year with my family, which was nice, relaxed, all mucked in etc. When it was DH’s turn in 2012, we went to MIL’s for the day as we only had a tiny flat so no room for MIL and 2 x BIL plus girlfriends. So for 2014, there are two options – either we go to MIL’s as in 2012, or host at ours, which is DH’s preferred option (various comments this Christmas) and also MIL would love it as we have more room. I would hate it with a passion as all ILs are so messy and lazy, and even though they only live about 45 miles away, they would expect to stay for several days (all notorious for outstaying welcome), get drunk, lie around making mess everywhere, expecting to be waited on hand and foot. This is from past experience, I’m not just being a bitch!

On top of that, there is the question of if I am pregnant, how far along, or even if I’ve had a baby by then, and how that would impact either scenario. So looking for advice please.

Firstly, at what stage would you say no, I am too pregnant, so we are definitely not hosting Christmas? 7 months? 8? Or if we did have a new baby, how old would you say it would be by the time I should be ready to host a family Christmas?

Should point out that DH and MIL would both help lots, but that I’d still be in charge/responsible, partly due to being controlling but also because they can’t be trusted! (meant in a nice way)

Secondly, what about us going to them for Christmas? At what stage would I be reasonably able to say no, we can’t come as I’m too pregnant? Or how recently given birth?

Hope this makes sense! I am really just after opinions so that whatever happens, I’m prepared!! I am really not kidding about needing to start thinking about this now btw, MIL really does like to get her family planned etched in stone a long time in advance... Tbh I should probably be thinking about Christmas 2016 as well

Have Xmas just you, husband and new baby, if there is one. Tell mil you don't like to plan so far ahead, she'll just have to wait.

Jptb, I would love to do that... but prob not an option, unless I am actually giving birth. And even then...

If I did manage to skip 2014 with the ILs, it would have to be made up by seeing/having them in 2015, which would have been my parents' turn... It really is that static a rota, but on the plus side we all know where we stand and there's no hassle from either side when they know it's not their turn. And I know it's totally selfish and hypocritical of me to want to skip ILs but to expect DH to put up with my parents for weeks at a time.

I'd chill. Sort it out as and when you are pregnant. Our first Xmas was just us three, and it was lovely. When you have your own family, you can start your own way of doing things. Maybe have your new baby alone, then the following year one set of GPs, then the other the next, then the next year on your own again. I don't think it's worth stressing about now.
Good luck getting pregnant. Hope it happens for you soon.

Tell them you will come over for Xmas day, it is only 45. Miles away. Come back to your house in evening. Just go for day.