Long term TTC but now with a new partner...

[PicknMix]

Hi there,

Looking for a bit of advice... I ttc with my (ex) dh for 5yrs and went through 3 rounds of IUI, 3 lots of chlomid and had 5 miscarriages. I then went on to IVF but my [not so] DH had an affair 3wks in to the cycle and got her pregnant (oh the irony....).

Fast forward 2yrs and I'm now happily with another far more intelligent man (been together 1yr). We had an unexpected miscarriage right at the beginning of the relationship, after 'accidental' unprotected sex. We've discussed and he's VERY aware of what I've already been through but we're both keen on having a baby.

We've been having unprotected sex for around 7mths now, but I've tried not to think about dates/ovulation etc as I'm fairly negative about getting pregnant as I know the chances are so slim.

I'm 34, he's 38.

I have a few questions....

1. At what point will a dr see me or do I cut my losses with the nhs and get a private appointment with a specialist in recurrent miscarriage? I had tests before and they all came back 'unexplained'. I have 'mild' PCOS.

2. As it's a new relationship, will a dr take my history into account or will I have to start at the beginning again?

3. How do I stop myself from
   becoming obsessive! I'm not at all yet but at 34, I'm hugely aware that time is ticking and friends seem to be popping out babies left, right and centre.

4. Does anyone have any positive stories they can share if they've been in the same situation?!

Thanks and apols for the long winded message....

1) At what point will a dr see me or do I cut my losses with the nhs and get a private appointment with a specialist in recurrent miscarriage? I had tests before and they all came back 'unexplained'. I have 'mild' PCOS

Go and see your GP and ask for a referral .

2) As it's a new relationship, will a dr take my history into account or will I have to start at the beginning again?

They will take your history into account, but will check he has swimmers.

3) How do I stop myself from
becoming obsessive! I'm not at all yet but at 34, I'm hugely aware that time is ticking and friends seem to be popping out babies left, right and centre

I am not the best person to answer this question as looking back it ate a lot of me up, try to have lots of time out, go and do lots of fun stuff together, be really active, keep yourselves occupied with lots of entertainment, friends, trips, and most of all fun, go to the fair, be spontaneous , after all at least you will be making the most of life, and if you do get lucky then you won't kick yourselves for missed opportunity, and it will help the relationship nurture yourselves and have fun, when you have to deal with the stress and hard times.

4. Does anyone have any positive stories they can share if they've been in the same situation?!

I had a one in five success rate, one permeant baby for every five pregnancies, I have five birth children, three still with us.

It took me over a decade to have the last two, but that me, we are all different, we both think they were worth it.

so go and see your GP,

and the greatest of luck to you.

I suggest going to your GP, saying trying longer than have (that's what we did). Have all the tests together. Ours came back as nothing wrong with either of us, but they suggested we went straight to IVF (me 35, him 37). We ignored, tried again for a whole year, nothing, then private IVF (via the doctors), and luckily, first time it worked. Now lovely 7 year old. It's a weird old world. Spend so long trying not to get pregnant, then when you want to it doesn't happen... good luck, and go for it. You're a couple of years younger than I was... fingers crossed should be fine.
Don't be obsessive (easy to say, hard to do - I was the queen of ovulation charts and stretchy discharge - sorry!). I remember walking around thinking EVERYONE had a bump or a pushchair.