In need of a strangers shoulder.....

[Longstemlily]

Hiya, I'm new to mums net but unfortunately not new to TTC. Fell PG just under 3 years ago but had MMC, we hadn't been particularly trying at the time but we weren't not trying either so don't know how long it took to conceive. The MC hit me really hard. I'd lost the baby at around 8 weeks but my body hadn't told me. We went for first scan at 12 weeks only to find out there was no heartbeat. Heartbroken doesn't cover it. We have been actively trying now for well over 2 years but no joy. Have been under hospital consultant for 12 months and every test for both of us is fine, had laparoscopy, hysteroscopy and dye test and all is good inside too. There is no medical reason why I can't fall PG!!

I am a master of hiding my feelings but just recently the whole situation has started to get on top of me.

I feel like a complete failure. Each month I see the BFN on the stick makes me feel worse. I really can't see the light. I have shed so many tears in private. I know I have lots of family and friends who would listen but I don't like to talk. At end of day there is nothing they could say that I don't already know. I just need to vent and unfortunately I have chosen to do so here.

I was last at consultant on Monday and they have given me 3months CC, which I will be starting tomorrow as low and behold I had another BFN this morning. I know I should be starting to feel more positive as CC is a supposed wonder pill but all I feel is more anxious, what happens if this doesn't work, are there any more options if there is no medical reason I'm not PG yet. I will be 38 in a few weeks and my partner is 44, time seems to be getting away from us.

Fed up of waiting, I just want the future to be now.

Hello Longstemmed Lily
I've noticed that no one else has responded and I have joined this today just so I can do this.

I'd like to tell you not to despair but I can't know how you feel - we all feel this so differently - but I can tell you that there are those of us also in this situation and what we have in common is our ages. I'm just about to turn 37 and my husband is 42 and I feel suddenly very, very old to be trying all this. My group of friends all have either newborns or stories of MCs and I still don't yet know which I'm going to be - I've not conceived yet, ever, to my knowledge, and I'm simultaneously trying to make it happen and not thinking about it TOO much.
So while I cannot comfort you, I can at least offer a shoulder. None of us know what the future will bring us or not bring us, but in the mean time I suppose we can only try and enjoy what we have got, today. I'd like a job (I was made redundant in November) and a bump; in the mean time at least I have a very lovely man and er, well, a view of a hedge. Hopefully this will change!
Chin up. As my dad always says at annoying times, walk tall. And the very best of luck.
VOH (which is my new name and probably an acronym for something awful on Mumsnet but I really don't know them all yet!)

Hey VOH

Thank you for listening, means heaps xx

It's a bugger feeling that we're feeling old when in actual fact we are far from it. Mother Nature is a cow for giving us deadlines!

You are probably going bout things the best way by not over thinking it, sex should be first and foremost for enjoyment , says me who has had my sex life planned out for the last 18 months, honestly doing it when the doctor tells you kinda takes the thrill out of it, lol.

I wish you all the luck in the world for both baby and job.

It's good to have a friend x

I have only been trying for 1 month but i have had a miscarriage just under a year ago so i do know a tiny shade of how you are feeling. Its a frustrating and game trying to conceive but chin up, keep going.

Warmest wishes to you and your other half and may you be blessed very soon x

Just also wanted to say I had a mmc and understand your pain. I then a year later had a mc at 6 weeks and a year after that conceived ds at 39!
Their are lots of lovely ladies on infertility and pregnancy loss who might offer more support. But I just didn't want to read and run.

Longstem - I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. There are many of us on these boards who know exactly what you are feeling. Feelings of failure sadly comes with the territory. You just feel rotten that your body can't do what it's suppose to do. Some of my friends have now completed their families in less time than I have been trying.. It's a horrible emotional roller coaster which I don't think many can grasp unless they have been through it.. If you do want to join a friendly group of people , you can come on to the 10++ thread. A bit misleading as actually most of us have been trying for more than 3 years. There are quite a few of us who got pregnant and then couldn't get pregnant again and most have been going through AC. I just wanted to acknowledge that you are not alone.

Longstem I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom for you. But I notice you said that unfortunately you have chosen here to vent. I would just like to say that you have chosen the best possible place. There are some lovely ladies on here who are very much in the same boat and will always be willing to lend an ear. This forum is a saviour to many!

I'm sending you a hug and wishing you get the baby you want asap xxx

Hi lily. I feel your pain. I turn 38 this month and have been ttc for over 3 years. We are also unexplained, with everything looking fine on paper. I've found great support from fellow long-termers on this board (including the posters on the 10+ thread joy mentioned).

We started down the IVF road a year ago and had 4 cycles (one ending in mc) in 2013. I'm currently in very early pregnancy from the 4th cycle. Whatever our undiagnosed problem was, somehow IVF overcame it, giving me my only 2 BFPs. I hated every second of the IVF process, but it did work for us.

I'm feeling comforted already. This site really does have a lot of lovely ladies who are ready to listen. It's far easier to have an anonymous voice.

Much appreciation to you all xx

Hi Longstem as per some of the other posters, I think that you are saying exactly how most of us feel. I have bee TTC #1 for 2 1/2 years now and have not an inkling of a BFP. DH and I have, like you, had all of the tests and no reason has been found for our infertility so am now being moved on to IVF. I cannot explain how I feel about that as there are no words to express how a woman feels at being told that medical intervention is needed to conceive a child when there is nothing wrong and I feel such a failure.

I'm not entirely sure how I manage to keep a lid on things, especially when I hear that another friend is pregnant but figure that when DH and I get our BFPs and baby at the end of it the joy will undo all of the pain that we have gone through to hold them.