Terrified before we've even got started! Am I the only 1?

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Im 33 years old this year, and well aware my clock is ticking away, if it wasn't for my other half the thought of having children would never cross my mind! I've never felt broody, never really been interested in babies at all, but I have always thought one day it will just feel right and I would hate to get to an age where I cant have children and live to regret it. however the whole thing terrifies me! i'm scared of being pregnant, i'm petrified of giving birth! I don't know how I would cope, I don't know if I would regret having a baby! my other half is desperate to start a family and we have been together 5 years now. I also carry the severe haemophilia gene and I have a 50/50 chance of passing this onto a child, I don't know if this is something that is also stopping me from starting to try. I feel like I cant get past these hurdles. will I feel different if I become pregnant? does anyone actually regret having a baby? Im also scared of having a boy as if he had the haemophilia it would be devastating. (if I had a girl she would only become a carrier like myself and this would be ok) I wish someone would just tell me everything will be ok and its the right decision! =(

Hi, it is scary to start with and I think no-one's ever truly ready!
I just wanted to mainly say though- it may be possible to get pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) for a genetic disorder like haemophilia- have you asked you GP about this? You have to have IVF but they screen the embryos before implanting and only put back the ones that won't have the condition (so I guess in your case, girls only). It is potentially available on the NHS. Sorry if you have looked into this and I'm either talking rubbish or you've decided it isn't right for you.
It might be that by separating the two things in your mind (eg having a baby and having a child with haemophilia) you can get some more clarity on how you feel about it all.

Hello, good advice from moggle! It's not unusual to feel like that! Was just wondering if any of your close friends or family had any little ones and how you feel about them? Do you have any pets? Maybe just take a walk around a baby store, it may help to clarify your feelings. I've been TTC for a while now and went through a phase of being worried that I wasn't ready for a baby. If you do consider genetic screening, it would come with loads of counselling, and may be worth considering either way. Hope you get some clarity soon

Thankyou for your replies! I have had the genetic councilling and they offered me the IVF within 6 weeks, this of course totally freaked me out too! I would have to travel to London to have the screening and with only a 30% success rate I felt like I would probably go for the natural option and hope the odds are stacked in my favour,(I don't know if this is a sensible idea or not! but it felt just a little too real/too planned) if I knew they would guarantee me a girl I think I would have considered it more, but they would only implant back healthy cells of either sex without me knowing which ones, I also have hangups about having a boy full stop. im not sure why, I think ive always imagined I would have girls not boys. I do have pets and I absoloutely adore them, my best friend is due her first baby next month and I feel really excited for her, im kind of hoping when her little one arrives the broodiness may kick in!

Just some science- although the ivf success rate of 30% for a cycle might not sound great, it is about as high as it can be- my consultant said that is approx the average rate of conception on a particular cycle for someone aged 16-23ish. The rate for us in our 30s is quite a lot lower, although some people do still get pg quickly (not me, boo!).
Also I know quite a lot of friends who have admitted to being a bit freaked out when they found out they were having a boy at the 20wk scan, but for all of them that feeling only lasted a few days or a week. Just to reassure you you aren't alone I having these feelings :-)

We are about to embark on ivf after 2yrs of TTC and I totally agree with you that going direct to ivf must be really really weird and hard to get your head around ESP when you aren't 100% sure. We have had 2 yrs of trying to ram home to us both how much we want this- I was sure from the start, but DH wasn't, but now he's as gutted as me each month it doesn't work.

That's good to hear about your pets and your pregnant friend I used to only want a girl too, but after so long trying for a baby I'd be over the moon no matter the sex. However I'm sure that even back in the early days if I had conceived a boy I would have fallen in love with the idea of having a son as he would have been mine and perfect and special (unlike all the other little boys ). I'm not surprised the whole IVF process seemed daunting! To be honest, you would get counselling with it and you'd be able to discuss your feeling regarding the gender of any baby you would have which may help. Even if you start the counselling process, you don't have to go through with the actual procedure. I'm not entirely sure, but isn't there a 50/50 chance of a girl either being a carrier or completely clear? If so, could you not tell the clinic that you didn't want any of your offspring to be carriers either?

Moggle we are in the same boat - my DH and I are about to start on ICSI - yikes! Hope it all goes well for you!

Oh yes, I think I may have worded it wrong, they would only implant the eggs that didn't carry the mutation either male or female, there's 50/50 of the girls being a carrier like myself or completely clear. I think when I went for the meeting for some reason I thought it would be a sex selection process rather than them screening the eggs for the haemophilia of either sex. Good luck to you both, and Thankyou for your time and advice.