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Having doubts

5 replies

toots123 · 21/12/2013 20:12

Has anyone had any doubts about ttc?

We got married in August and I knew dh wanted to try soon after so when we decided in October to stop taking the pill he was delighted.
I got right into it and started using opk's.

since then things have started looking better career wise for me and taking maternity leave too soon might change that.
We also have a big holiday booked next year and it wont be all that exciting if I can't go on roller coasters if im pregnant.
Said this to dh and he said we cant put our lives on hold for a holiday. Totally agree but pointless paying all that money if I wont enjoy it and feel like others wont want to leave me out.

im in the 2ww so if its worked ive no choice but if it hasnt should I mention this to dh?

Or do I need a slap as I would love having a baby and nothing else will matter when I get bfp?!

OP posts:
Misfitless · 22/12/2013 07:22

You might live to regret it later, if you don't take the opportunities to boost your career now.

Not when you get your BFP, or when the baby arrives, or even when you're baby starts nursery, but many years down the line. Obviously you won't regret having children, but you might regret not ensuring that the timing was as right for you as it was for your DH.

It's easy for DHs, they don't have to take all of this into account on the same level that us mothers do, although I know there are many DHs out there who stay at home, work part time etc.

Also, there are things like DC2 to consider..if you want more than one, and if you don't want a big age gap, you can add another couple of years on top of the calculation for how long you might be overlooked for promotion etc.

Are you planning to be a SAHM, or will you return part time/full time? If you only want one DC then the impact on your career will probably be less, similarly if you are a high flier who intends to return full time, then providing you can juggle it all, I imagine the impact on your career will be much less, and that it'll be quicker to pick up from where you left off.

One last thing..this site is full of people who have years of heartache ttc, and who wish they'd started trying earlier. I don't know how old are you, but age is also an important factor, too.

If you're mid thirties onward, and being is a mum is what you want more than anything, if it were me, I'd start trying and think about my career later. But if your in your twenties, the clock isn't ticking yet so loudly just yet!

msmiggins · 22/12/2013 07:39

toots how old are you? How old is your OH?

You ask if nothing else will matter once you have a child- well yes it will matter.
We don't stop being women and having our own needs when we become mothers.
As much as most of us love having kids I think we all at some point have a bit of a yearning for rollercoasters/backpacking around Thailand/ having sex all day - whatever your thing.

Loveyouthree · 22/12/2013 08:23

Toots - yes, I had doubts. In fact I've now gone back on the pill ( definitely not pregnant this month). I have very different reasons to you, but the same concept I guess.

I've had three children in four years, and only now am I starting to think "hang on, there's more to life to having babies" I still love my children, and maybe I'll have more in the future but now I want to focus on me.

I wish I'd had your mindset when ttc 1! I've missed out on a lot. Some things I'll never get back. It hurts a lot. And misfitless is spot on. Seeing the BFP, having the baby etc is such a huge and exciting thing that you probably won't give a crap about holidays and stuff. But down the line, you might wonder "what if?"

toots123 · 22/12/2013 09:07

Hi girls.
thanks so much for your comments!
The awkward thing is, im 25 but dh is 35 so I always knew
there would be a compromise and im not saying no to kids but if we were to wait 6 months it would be more perfect for us both as im sure dh would prefer me to be happy too.

Im in no way a high flyer at work but am currently on a secondment into a job I love (for the first time since starting there 7 years ago) and if I were to go on matt leave near the end I could miss out on being made permanent!

I'll deff be going back to work as I think I would get bored being a sahm (just me, its for some people) but depending on what job im going back to would probably make me change if I were full or part time. If in this great job I would want to work more hours.

It feels so good getting this off my chest as its been eating away at me for a few weeks. Not going to speak to dh until af is here in case we do get pg and he will think I dont want a baby when of course I do.

So nice that you all understand what im going through. Dont think some dh's consider what we go through with our bodies and putting a part of our life on hold

OP posts:
ThoraNomiki · 22/12/2013 09:35

I just took a month break from TTC (although with really long cycles I don't think we actually missed an opportunity) I wanted to avoid having an EDD during the month around my friends wedding. My DH wasn't really very happy about it because he didn't think we should put our lives on hold for my friends wedding. But I didn't do it for my friend as much as I did it for myself. If I missed my friends wedding I would always regret it. We've been friends for over 20 years. Missing 1 month TTC was worth it to me even though we are having some issues. If it had been a friend of DH's I wouldn't have cared because he could have just gone without me (unless I was in labour)

Definitely speak to your DH after your 2ww, if you get AF. Putting the TTC on hold for a little while sounds like it may be a good idea. You can start again when you know where you stand career-wise because ultimately it is most likely to be you who will be affected in this dept. Unless your DH is planning to go part-time after the baby arrives or take equal amounts of leave when the child is unwell/on half term etc.

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