Anyone else stressed out about ttc and thinking of taking a month off?

[MrsMac1397]

Just as the title says, af arrived yesterday and I'm feeling ok about it but a bit scunnered at the moment. I'm just needing a rant to be honest.

We've only been trying for a few months, this is cycle 5 of trying to conceive our first. I know that's a blink of the eye for some but I found last month to be very stressful. I'm worried that the fun element of it is starting to fade and I'm fed up wishing the months away. So I thought a month off would be good then starting 2014 get back to ttc. New attitude and all that. I'm not sure whether I will be able to turn off for a month? As my husband says he doesn't want a baby any less.

Has anyone else done this? Has it helped?

MrsMac- I personally think this is a great idea and when I was TTC it helped me to feel more "in control".

I remember the feelings so clearly- 5 months can feel like 5 years. It took us approximately a year and I am due DC1 tomorrow now!

It's difficult to phrase this without being patronising as I genuinely felt the same as you but try not to let the fun come out of it. Enjoy your lives pre-DC. If your situation allows book nice hols, theatre trips whatever you enjoy. Things to look forward to. The distraction helps and you take back control of your life.

FWIW- we conceived the first month with a clear blue fertility monitor. Turns out we'd been focussing on the wrong time of the month. My ovulation was later than we thought and we'd often given up by then!

Another thing I found helpful was making sure we sometimes had sex at the wrong time of the month so as not to forget you can do it for fun!!

Good luck- and enjoy your month off if you go that way.

Thank you for your reply. I think I will try to have a month off and enjoy the xmas festivities.

My husband is keen to keep going but I really want to take a month off so we've compromised - we'll keep having regular sex but just for fun this month. That way if one of us isn't in the mood, it won't be a big deal.

Last month I started temping and using ovulation tests to try and work out when in the month was a good time to try, I'm going to keep temping this month to get a clear picture of this but won't buy any ovulation tests until next year. We also tried SMEP but that didn't really work out as I got a surge on cd10 and we started with the plan, then as my temp didn't indicate ovulation had happened I tested again and got another surge cd14 and cd15 at which point my poor hubby was fed up of all the sex so we only managed to do it 1 in that time which was when I actually managed to ovulate. Sods law really.

I think we might invest in a clear blue fertility monitor, it's expensive though isn't it?

Congratulations, I hope you don't have too long to wait until you meet your little one. Good luck! :)

I feel exactly the same as you. I can feel AF is going to start in the next day or so and this is month 6 of TTC. We got married in may and i can honestly say I have never been happier. Naively I thought we would conceive quickly, everyone else seems to, and we are both fit and healthy non smokers, normal BMIs.
I find it stressful that I do believe we have been having sex during our fertile window. I ovulate at almost the same time every month. So why has it not happened?
My husband is taking a more relaxed approach to it, and thinks it will happen when it happens. I have a nagging concern there is an issue.
In addition, over the last few months, I have begun spotting a lot after ovulation. Because of this, I have decided to make a GP appointment. I know we don't need referral, just to have a few basic tests.
I wish you all the luck. This is horrible! I asked my husband if we could go on a date tonight - looking forward to some romance! And maybe a glass of vino.....

PS we are ttc number 1.

Just thought I'd let you know, we "took a month off" as we didn't want a christmas baby. Ds arrived 23.12.11!!!

Planning has never been my strong point...

MrsMac I got mine from amazon which was cheapest at the time but boots often do an offer on it. I think I paid about £60 plus the strips but tbh in the grand scheme we thought was ok ( but I guess that's based on the fact we think it was the magic ticket!).

Thanks for the good wishes.. Ironically after wishing and waiting what felt like ages I now think oh my GOD am I ready!? and am in no hurry for her to appear. Apart from which- I've got a new boiler being installed today and do not wish to go into labour with 3 x British Gas men in my kitchen!!

I spent six months getting increasingly stressed about ttc - temping, ovulation sticks etc. Itmade me stressed out, upset every month AF arrived, and generally miserable.

We had 'time off' - partly because the stress had affected our relationship too - and then a few months later just decided to not use contraception, enjoy it, and see what happens. We conceived within a month and I can't help thinking that it worked because I wasn't worrying about it!

I've been TTC #1 for 6 months, and last month I 'took a month off' in my head, IYSWIM. It did help, because there was no pressure to DTD on the right days, and when AF was due, I expected it and didn't build myself up into a 'ooh maybe' frenzy - so when AF came, it was fine.

It did feel like a relief to be honest to let myself off the hook with counting the days etc.

Back to obsessing again this month though....

BTW Superlambanana your name made me smile. I remember Superlambanana arriving in Liverpool, best, most random sculpture ever

We were trying for 7 months. After 6 months we were both really down about it and decided on one more month going hell for leather and then we would have a break. That last month we did everything: fertility lubricant, Chinese herbs and Accupuncture for me, fertility massage, insane dairy free diet for us both, no booze, sex every single day of the month (sometimes twice) and different positions the internet recommended for fertility. By the end of the month I was so exhausted I almost didn't notice the absence of AF. I got pregnant and I genuinely think it was because we threw everything at it. Maybe give that a go before your break?

Jessewalt - I felt really bad the day before AF arrived, as like you, I felt she was on her way and was really upset by it. Yesterday, when she arrived, I was more accepting of it as I had already spoken to my husband about taking a break. Initially (when I was upset) it was "for a while" but we've spoken again about it all and have decided to take a month off. The decision alone helped relieve some of the stress I was feeling. My husband and I got married in September & we are so happy for our next steps together, just a little impatient about it. I've been a bit like you with hoping it would happen sooner rather than later & had hoped to be pregnant by xmas (and in 2013 to finish what has been an amazing year for us) but I think that's added unnecessary stress on to the process. I think if you're stressing about a potential problem then it's a good idea to go to the doctors to get some checks, it will ease your mind at the very least.

thekatsatonthematt - that is amazing, if only I could be so lucky (not getting my hopes up). I've heard that before actually, my SIL did something similar, within two months of taking some time off she was pregnant.

MildredH - That doesn't sound too expensive...I think I will give myself until February then start looking into it. I don't think I would like to go into labour with three British Gas men there either so fingers crossed you won't. I'm sure your last minute fears will disappear when you meet her.

superlambanana -That is actually one of the things I've been worrying about (ironically) is to not get too stressed as it might delay things. This month I was really stressed and knew within myself I wasn't pregnant. Although it hasn't been affecting our relationship, I am aware that things were starting to get stressful last month and a large aspect of taking a month off is to stop that from happening, the last thing I want is to ruin my relationship ttc.

Well- just as well British gas are FLAMING USELESS then and have turned up just one man who's whistled through his teeth a lot and said unlikely to be finished today and will be Monday before it's complete. This may leave us with no heating, no hot water til then. Brilliant. Just brilliant.

Sorry- wildly off topic but I am so CROSS!

CosyTeaBags - That is exactly what I need a break from and from my body playing tricks on me. I came off the pill 3 years ago to get my body back in a natural way of working then when we decided 2 years ago we would ttc after our wedding (in september) I decided to stay off the pill and in that time I've been really regular - similar signs every month etc but since ttc my body has started to do different things to mess with my head!

SomeDizzyWhore1804 - I'm not sure if my husband would take part in some of that at the moment. He's very laidback about it all and isn't stressed out yet. Normally I am the one who stresses out and likes to get all the facts while he calms me down and goes with the flow. lol I think I'll take the month off and then when we start back at it give some of that a go.

MildredH - I love a good rant about things like this so rant away.

Thanks CosyTeaBags - most people don't have a clue what it's about!

Another thing - you mentioned hoping you would be pregnant by Christmas - I too had hoped that and it puts extra stress on it to give yourself a deadline.

For some weird reason, I had it in my head that I'd get my BFP in September, so I got really worked up about that one. When it didn't happen, I almost felt a bit of a relief as if "oh well that deadline has passed, doesn't matter when it happens now"... but then Christmas is looming and I'm feeling that pressure again. Just stupid.

I think that after Christmas (assuming I don't get my BFP) then the pressure will ease again - no deadline, just go with the flow and hope that 2014 is the year for me (and all of you!).

SomeDizzy - yours is an interesting case... I do wonder whether I'm getting the timing wrong each month and so maybe it's worth going all out for a month to see what happens? My poor DP is knackered at the best of times though.. not sure what he'd think of that...

I also find that trying to put a positive spin on AF helps - when AF comes, I feel disappointed, of course, but I think - OK, that's the symptom spotting over for a few weeks. At least I know for sure. Clean slate, let's see what will work next time.

It is hard - my DP has low fertility so we don't know if it will ever work for us, and I just about keep it together most of the time but have the occasional wobble when no one is looking. MN has been my saviour.

I thought November was my lucky month for some reason and it hasn't been the case so I am never falling into that trap again. No more 'deadlines'.

It's daft isn't it - as if we need any more pressure, we go inventing deadlines for ourselves to make it even harder!

Maybe we should all just look forward to a christmas of being relaxed, drinking what we want, eating blue cheese etc, and enjoying it.... not convincing myself here but i'm trying!

Out of interest mrs mac - how old are you? I thought at 31 (now 32) we had loads of time - but I feel my biological clock ticking massively.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. It is so good to know other people in roughly the same position/stage as us.
We will all get there!

I'm 30, it was my birthday last month. My biological clock isn't ticking yet but I'd really like to be pregnant/have a baby by my next birthday...but not setting a deadline. Will wait and see what happens.

I will do, I'll probably not be able to resist a wee nosy on here. It's been so helpful today knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Fingers crossed we all have happy healthy baby's soon. X

TTC for DC2 for 5 months now. Am nearly 36 so running out of time. DC1 is 6 years old, so trying my best to hurry along. Just took a 1 month break & now going to be back to business. The break was good, calmed us down & helped us look forward to trying again.

With DC1- I conceived in cycle 2. First month we tried everything, every 48 hours, positions, food blah blah, but nothing. I felt cheated. Next month DH was away the whole fertile time, except one night. Surprisingly, we were successful. Amazed that 15 attempts failed while 1 single attempt had succeeded. It's such a miracle, so hard to truly understand. But I have found that 'not worrying' helps the body work better. Wonder how to do that?!

Sometimes I find me telling myself 'this thought does not count as worrying'! Hilarious!

Any recommended positions anyone?

OP Your message title is exactly what I have been thinking the past couple of days!! I've just got AF after cycle 5 of trying for no2, and boy did I get myself worked up last month over it. I was an irrational, emotional wreck by the time AF was due, I actually feel exhausted from all the 'am I aren't I' and I felt so anxious the days leading up to AF. I felt pretty devastated when it arrived (2days early - I think because of the stress), and while my DH was wonderfully kind and supportive he does think I'm a little silly for getting so obsessed over it so soon, he too thinks it's just one of those, it will happen when it happens.
It is totally crazy that we do this to ourselves!! So anyway, yes, I think I will be taking a break this month, to just enjoy Christmas, have a few drinks and relax and enjoy myself. But what I can't seem to get my head around is how to forget about ttc and give yourself a break if you are still having unprotected sex? I don't want to not have unprotected sex, but I don't know how I won't still get my hopes up come the end of the month!!
Interesting hearing everyone elses stories of how they got pregnant. I do think it can happen when you least expect it, and when you are relaxed and possibly focused on other things. So here's hoping there will be lots of BFPs after Christmas for us!

We're still going to have unprotected sex this month but I won't be worrying about when/how often etc. I started temping last month and will keep doing that this month but only to get an idea of when in my cycle I ovulate for when I'm back on active duty. So I will know after the fact when it happened but not before. So if we have sex a lot at the right time so be it and if we don't then that will be ok too. My period is due on Xmas day and I always seem to have one around then so I will just keep busy in the run up and not think much about it. I will be thinking I'm negative anyway so hoping the time comes before I know it.

I think just making the decision itself has already helped me. I feel that a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I had a wee date night with my hubby and we spoke about everything but ttc, which was really nice. We had a brilliant night.

Same here, just started cycle 5 & I'm sick of the disappointment, sick of hearing 'perhaps you just need to relax' & sick of waiting for weeks to pass, sex is a chore & I really want a break...but I feel like I need to keep going not just cause we really want a baby but DMIL is losing her fight with cancer, she has no grandchildren & has been waiting ever so patiently for us to give her the fantastic news, I really thought November would be the one & we could give her wonderful news for Christmas, something to hold on for & for us all to focus on rather than the C b**rd but it's not happened, I really wish we'd have started sooner.
Sorry for the rant, just so bloody low, wish I could put it our of my mind & 'relax' as everyone keeps telling me