How do you stop yourself from thinking about TTC? How do you give up?

[RedHeadandDesperate]

Hi all, I have been ttc number 2 for 6 months now and I am just getting fed up of it taking over my life. It has been half a year where all I have thought about is getting pregnant. It is ruining the rest of my life, I can't concentrate at work, I can't think or talk about anything else, I am so jealous of other people's good news and I feel like I'm wishing my DDs life away by constantly wanting to move onto the next cycle.
There seems to be a bit of a trend that when people stop trying so hard and thinking about it, when they decide to give up for a bit, that is the month they fall pregnant! So my question is, how do you do it? How do you convince yourself you have given up? I have tried, and failed miserably, to put it to the back of my mind this month, but now in the 2WW I am obsessing over it again. Please help me from driving myself mad!!

I don't really have a magic answer but I wanted to post because I have been in your shoes. It's nearly 2 years for me now of trying to conceive #2. I have somehow managed to become calmer about it, to no avail yet apart from better blood pressure I'd imagine. I think I just got worn out of feeling so angry and jealous all the time and living my life by my ovulation etc. I decided to focus on my amazing ds and what I do have.

Believe me I do have my bad times still, at the moment there are 5 pregnant women at work which has been a challenge for me. I've also told quite a few people that I am having problems because the 'are you going to have another? Oh why not, your ds would love that' was just too hard and I was fed up of smiling politely at something so painful.

I guess I decided, though not as consciously deep as this, that I wasn't going to let this infertility define me and take over my life anymore. It took over a year to get to this point. But I really hope you don't have to get to that point and that you conceive soon

For me it was about protecting the life I did have instead of wishing for the life I wanted. Does that make sense? While I wanted to conceive so desperately I'd ruined my marriage because of the sex thing and I wasn't responding well to my DD.

It took a year to conceive DS and before him it took 3 years for DD. I think second time round I was able to get to the "what will be will be" mentality a lot quicker because I didn't want to become the mess I became first time. The first stint of TTC took ADs and counselling to get over.. And you're right. As soon as I got my mental health back I got pregnant

I don't have any advice on how to stop it taking over your life - it did completely for me.

As for moving on, the only thing that got me there was time. We will have been trying for 3 years in December and it is only in the last few weeks that I have got to the point where I feel that I will be able to cope if it doesn't happen. If you'd told me a year ago that I would have made my peace with it by now, I wouldn't have believed you. A sort of calmness and positivity has just descended on me, and I feel better than I have since the first couple of months of ttc when it all seemed like an exciting adventure.

We have been trying for #3 for 3.5 years, I have had two chemicals in this time.

I'm reaching the end of 2ww and driving myself crazy obsessing over real or imaginary symptoms.

I have no advice for you, only to ask, when you find the secret of how to let go, please share

I've been going through this for only 9 months, with one mc.

Ever heard of 'fake it till you make it'? (something like that anyway).
That is what I do. I never really used to wear make-up before but I've now made it my mask. Not a lot, just lipstick and mascara. Always.

And I force myself to say something nice to every one of the FIVE pregnant people at work when I run into them. Yep.

For me this has helped. I'm hosting a baby shower for my office neighbour next week. She was only a week ahead of me when I had my mc in June.
Last week I broke down at work.
But mostly I'm okay.

Good luck to all of you, ladies.

Oh Ladies thank you so much for your responses. I feel a bit bad with my 6months attempts when some of you ladies have been going for years. It's just so horrible the way it is all consuming isn't it. I pine for the days before all this started, I miss my old life where I wasn't completely obsessed and so up and down. It's such an emotional rollercoaster every single month. I have been trying to stay positive these last few days and told myself that until AF shows up I still have a chance so should not be allowed to feel miserable.
Purple and Euro I'm glad you have got to a calmer place about it all, and managed to get your life back on track a little bit.
Always that is such a good statement, to protect the life you do have instead of wishing for the one you wanted. I think the lack of control over what I had wanted my family life to be is one of the hardest factors. and it is ruining the life I do have, which I am so lucky to have. and did AD and counselling work? Do AD not affect your fertility?
Tadpole you sound like such a lovely person to do all that for others who have what you want so badly. You so deserve it and I do hope your time will come.
Eau huge good luck for this cycle and I promise I will share in the secret when I do find it. Maybe time is just the biggest and best healer.
I am so sorry we all have to go through this. It just feels infinitely unfair.

I know exactly how you feel, this has become all encompassing for me over the last 7 months. I have had 2 chemical pregnancies in this time. I can't say anything to make it better but please know that you are not alone