Please don't judge, but some support and advice would be sorely welcomed.
I'm 35 and quite a bit overweight, and have routinely drunk more than the guidelines for most of my twenties and thirties. I also smoked between 5 and 15 a day until starting to TTC a few months ago.
Since then, I've cut down drinking a lot and haven't (until tonight) smoked for 6 weeks - I moved to e-cigs but ran out tonight and given the arrival of AF had a bit of a FU moment and smoked one of DP's cigarettes, plus had more wine than I should have. I am pissed off, upset with myself and angry that it's taking longer than I had hoped to get my BFP and feeling quite sorry for myself.
I know I haven't ruined all my progress and will get right back on the wagon of the righteous in the morning, but am I the only person to get frustrated with how long it's taking, and to self-sabotage in this way?
Would love to find some alternative mechanisms for dealing with things. To take my mind off it we are selling our house and buying another, something we'd have to do if we were pg anyway as our lovely but unusual place isn't fit for purpose.
Feel free to kick my arse, I'm not sure I've got all this in perspective, or am going about preparing myself psychologically for it, and am missing my carefree and boozy, goats cheese and smoked salmon pre TTC life and wondering if its worth it if we are beyond hope of conceiving in the first place.