Trying for a baby

[vallerslovesmichaels]

Hi
I'm 25 and my partner and i have been trying for a baby for 3 months,i'm finding the whole process very overwhelming and emotional as we really want a baby. Trying and checking is really stressful and it doesn't help that two of my colleagues are pregnant. I'm feeling really low and exhausted Can anyone give me any advice or tips? xx

Hi Vallers. Welcome to mumsnet.

Aww sorry you're feeling so down. A.F got me last night so I can emapthise. I know this is no consolation to you but 3 months is not a long time to be trying. Even though to you it will seem like a life time.
I don't use O.P.K's as me and my D.P don't live together and we both work so we only get to see us on Wed and Fri and if we can see each other on other days we do. I really don't know how to advise you even though I am ttc myself as everyone's journey is different but I didn't want to read and run. It is hard to see other women pregnant when you're ttc and the worse thing anyone can say to you is "Just be happy for them". When all you want to do is go and cry in the corner, and quite honestly. Why should you be happy for someone who has something that you want. xx

Hello darling - I totally hear you! My husband and I have been trying for three months now and I never thought I would get so wound up about it, but here I am. Plus I'm a lot older than you, so that's some extra stress added, tic toc tic toc tic toc.

Yesterday was a really bad day for me, so I spoke to DH and we decided that we are going to relax about it all and accept that it will happen on its own schedule, or it might just never happen due to my age. Before I met him I had made peace with the idea of never having a baby of my own, so I guess I can go back there again.

Not sure I'm helping...sorry!

Hello... I know how you feel, trust me I have been there!

I came off the pill last December after 10 years of taking it.

My first couple of cycles after coming off the pill were pretty normal... 30 and 29 days if I remember rightly.

Then my cycles got a bit weird... Started having 35 day cycles and had one cycle that was 48 days and another that was just over 40 days as well

And all this time we were ttc which is really hard when you don't know what's going on with your cycles/when you're ovulating etc.

DH and I don't have particularly high sex drives either so we tried to have as much sex as possible but tried to do it mostly around when I thought I was ovulating.... Which , as I said, was tricky with unpredictable cycles!
Also DH works long hours, sometimes away from home, and I do shift work... So it was hard!!!!

I tried temping and charting for a couple of cycles but it didn't work for me due to my shift work so I gave that up.

In the mean time, my sister and my cousin both announced that they were expecting... As well as people I work with, people on Facebook.... When you're ttc you notice everyone around you is pregnant!!!!!

Anyway, what worked for me was clearblue digital opks.... And the fact that my cycle, coincidentally at the same as starting to use the OPKs, started to regulate.

First month of using OPKs I got a positive on cd20.
Second month I got a positive on cd20.
Third month I got a positive on cd25
Fourth month I got a positive on cd20..... And I got a bfp 2 weeks later and I'm now 8 weeks pregnant!

It was useful for me to use OPKs because I started to see I was ovulating about a week later than the "average" woman does.

Over the months I would also notice an increase in EWCM starting around cd16-17 and peaking around the day of my positive OPK.

We would generally start dtd (for ttc purposes) around cd16-17 when I would start to notice small amounts of EWCM and then we would try and do SMEP.

With SMEP, you dtd every other day up until you get a positive OPK. Once you get a positive OPK, you dtd on that day and for the next 2 days (so 3 days in a row) , skip a day and then dtd one more time..... Or more if you want to!

Funnily enough, the month I conceived was the month we dtd the least!
We dtd on cd18... Skipped cd19 as per SMEP... Then I got my positive on cd20 and we dtd that night.

DH went away very early the next day for a work conference and wasn't back til late a day or so later... And I was on shift. So basically around the time of ovulation we dtd twice! But it worked

Lots of people will tell you to just relax and have lots of sex but it's not always that easy depending on your sex drives, working hours, cycles etc etc.

Personally I would suggest tracking your cycles (if you aren't already) and using digital OPKs. When you get a positive OPK, have lots of sex! And try to have regular sex leading up to a positive OPK. That way you've covered it!

It may not happen straight away... It took me 4 cycles of having sex at the right time for me to conceive... But it will happen for you eventually

We also used conceive plus lubricant... Don't know if it helped but we use lube sometimes anyway and it's better to use one that's sperm friendly and can actually help the swimmers get to their destination!

Also I started taking pregnacare conception tablets as soon we started ttc.

I also tried to eat more healthily and drunk much more water when ttc... Again I'm not sure if that helps but I felt like I needed to be a bit healthier!

Hope this helps... Sorry it's so long!!!

Hi thank you both for replying.i know its not long but everyday its all i can think about...i feel so tired and old!lol i'm feeling a bit teary as i write this, i just honestly didn't know it would be so hard...i didn't even know about the 4 day ovulation window(god knows what they taught me in biology!)
i know women who have tried for longer and i know im being silly, its just emotionally draining and i feel very alone as either my friends are out having fun,already pregnant or have had kids there is noone in my circle trying and noone understands how i feel,why i want to be grumpy or just be on my own. i thought this was supposed to be a happy time!!

Hi vallers, I hope you don't think I'm insensitive for posting here as I already have one DD, but I'm currently trying for #2 and I'm feeling the same way as you. I am in my fourth cycle of trying, which again, isn't all that long really, but I just feel emotional and exhausted all the time. I can't think about anything else, it does feel hard and overwhelming and exhausting. I don't think we are doing ourselves any favours really behaving this way, but it's impossible to not get obsessed over it and to not think about it isn't it!
Do you know how long/regular your cycles are? Do you know when you ovulate? How often do you have sex? Sorry for the personal questions but it does help to have an idea of where you are up to. I've heard of many stories where people only do the deed when they think they are ovulating, and are possibly missing it. The best thing to do is to do it 2 or 3 times a week all month long, so between period to period, don't save it all up for when you think you are most fertile. Drink lots of water I've also heard is a good tip, eat healthily, go for walks, and cut down on caffeine and alcohol, be a total angel basically!!! Fingers crossed for you and neither of us should be worried at all really just because nothing happens for 6 months or so.