TTC after early m/c

[ncsmummy]

I had a m/c in March at just under 6 weeks. We had only been trying for 3 months so we were thrilled. We have been trying to conceive again ever since and not having any luck.

I have been feeling really down since the m/c, like theres a big empty space inside that I need to fill and the fact that we havent conceived again is really upsetting me. My due date would have been Nov and I had hoped by then that I would be pg again but now I am getting so down that I am convinced we will never conceive.

I am 2 days late for af so did a hpt this morning and it was a bfn and I just wanted to cry. I already have 2 children and I dont ever remember ttc being this much of a emotional rollercoaster. This will be my ohs first child and he has been very supportive but I find it hard to explain to him how sad I feel. Its been months, I should be ok now but every month when af arrives it just sets me right back......... I saw the doc last week and she said depression etc is fairly normal after a m/c and she said she would give me anti - ds but she explained there is a risk if I conceive whilst taking them of them causing hert defects etc and I decided I cant take that risk.

I dont know why I am posting really, maybe I just need to write things down and get it out of my system.

I am sorry for your loss.
Like you I suffered an early loss. It would have been #2 for me. Both pregnancies came as quite a shock for me, the first one I did not even find out about until 3-4 months along (irregular periods). With the loss, I honestly managed to block it from my mind so much I cannot even remember how far along I was, but i clearly remember that two weeks later before Christmas time I lost the baby.
This is now 14 years later and I have finally mustered up the strength to try again and it has been quite frustrating actually, even though it has been a short amount of time. Stopped BC on the 7th (Cerazette) of this month and since then no AF, but lots of signs I may be pregnant, had a slight BFP, but now all it shows is negatives. So I am losing hope and beginning to feel the hole a lot more again. I know some women will laugh at this and find it silly with such a short time only trying, but nobody really understands until they go through something like it.
I wish us both luck!

Hi ncs

Sorry you feel really down. MC can take a long time to get over. Like you we conceived after 3 months but lucked out at 7 weeks and lost the baby. I think unless you've been through it, MC is really hard to understand. It kinda grabbed me like no other grief and totally understand the emptiness you describe.

With my nurse hat on I would advise you against taking anti-depressants. I don't think you are depressed, I think it's totally normal to feel this way post MC and it's more of a 'reactive episode'. They are very powerful drugs (from experience!) and I really would avoid, plus you don't want the worry of possible damage to the baby when you conceive. Anti-depressants don't make everything suddenly ok and gp's are very quick to prescribe rather than look at the bigger picture.

All I could think about post MC was trying again, that void had to be filled and now! I temped and charted and drove myself insane for 2 months before totally losing the plot. Shagging became a means to an end and was so clinical I lost interest. It's at that point we decided to stop 'trying'. We threw the opks and charts out, went out, got drunk and started to enjoy sex again. I'm now almost 8 weeks pregnant.

Such a bloody cliche but give yourself time. It takes a while for the body to recover physically and even longer emotionally. Be a bit kind to yourself ncs. It will happen xx

Thank you both for your replies.

mawinter - I will keep my fingers crossed for you. I agree that I dont think its easy to understand until you have been through it. It is so hard. AF is now 3 days late, my opks say I ov on 11/9 so I guess its just a waiting game.

Tomkat79 - Thank you.Thats exactly how it felt to me - like a kind of grief I have never ever felt. I agree re the anti-ds. I dont want to be on them and I couldnt face the worry of it causing a problem. In my head I think i know that I too need to stop 'trying' because its starting to drive me insane too. I am always 'counting days'. This month said I ov on 11/9. AF was due 23/9 and so I am constantly on the look out for af or symptom spotting and its just not healthy!!

Thanks again, It helps so much to have people that understand xx

TomKat79 - Congratualtions on your pg by the way!!! That is fantastic news and gives me hope!!!! xx