TTC but "Houston we have a problem"

[blueskies19]

Ive been ttc for some time but during the last ovulation window of opportunity, sorry in advance if its TMI, but TOH is unable to ejaculate. It is so difficult as we only a month left before we have to go down the clinic and ivf route and it makes me so upset as I wonder is it me or what is the problem. Time is not on our side as Im nearly 43 and so to miss vital chances of conception is so upsetting and then makes you feel rejected by your partner and not attractive. It makes me just feel like giving up even though I want this so badly

Anyone else have this problem or is it just me?
Any help or advice very welcome

ttc in these circumstances is very stressful. It's hugely unlikely that his inability to ejaculate had anything to do with you and everything to do with this stress. willies are sensitive little flowers and they don't do well under pressure.

Do you have any time left in this Ovulation ensure

window. Not ensure

Thanks so much for your reply CakesAreNotTheAnswer

I think I have three days left in the ovulation window although never 100% sure as my cycle is all over the place

As this has happened three times in a row I just feel like giving up trying. As much as I want to conceive and this has been all consuming to me for the last few years on this ttc madness bus, the rejection and the same thing happening really scares me as it personally feels like TOH doesn't want me and finds me unattractive and it adds a whole new stress level to this madness.

Before I couldn't conceive and now TOH can't do the deed so it just really makes me feel like giving up totally

I don't know what the answer is and Im so upset about it

blueskies i stubbled across your thread and couldn't believe what i read. My situation is similar to yours. This condition is not talked about much and it's very hard for both partners. Although my head understands that it's not against me, my body reaction is stronger and I can't accept it. It's hard enough in any relationship but it's a killer when TTC. DP is wonderful, we've been together for 8 years, and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it, it's a very lonely place to be.

I'm 38, we've gone down the IVF route, but yesterday scan showed that i had a mmc.

You're not alone.

thank you so much for replying CoventGarden75 - Im so sorry to hear you're having a similar situation - I really thought I would be the only person to have this and Im finding it so incredibly hard to cope with as I very much feel its a rejection of me rather than the stress of ttc

I know that the whole ttc stress is immense in itself but that has been with me and my DH for some time but this has only arisen in the last week so I very much feel it is down to me due to events that have happened recently and whatever we do it just gets worse

Now and Im so sorry for TMI in advance but my DH is unable to get an erection so intercourse is not even possible and the window of opportuinity for this month has well and truly gone

At age nearly 43 I feel that ivf is now my only route especially given the last week and even though my DH was very much against ivf because of the last week he is now very much in favour of the ivf even though we can't afford it and he has for many many years been very firmly against going down that route. This all reinforces the fact that it is me that is the problem and him finding me unattractive and not being able to even have intercourse with me is so devastatingly soul destroying

Sorry to rant and outpour all my emotions I am just at the end of my tether and so distraught about it all

Im so very sorry to hear about your story CoventGarden75 and send you hugs - it is indeed a very lonely place with no one to talk to but thank you for reaching out to me

I haven't read through be other replys, so sorry if I repeating.

My dh used to have problems ejaculating around ovulation time, it was stress and I guess listening to me all month building up to the next ovulation time,

So I totally stopped telling him anything and he us back to his usual virile self!

TMI alert. TMI alert.

My DP has no problem having erection, and he can go on forever. He has delayed ejaculation and can only do it through (long and painful) masturbation, but this became even more difficult for him at the crucial ovulating time. We've missed many opportunities (in my mind). Stress is definitely an issue. When I stopped telling when it was time to do it, he started asking himself if I was ovulating, he's a bit of a control freak :) It didn't make it easy, but a bit less stressful for him. As it happens we have found out through treatment that we can't conceived naturally anyway (ASA), so all the stress was for nothing.

He's had the problem for as long as I've known him and with previous girlfriends too. Still it is hard to accept, because it makes me feel rejected no matter what, I'm no longer keen on making love and I know it hurts him too and it becomes a vicious circle. We cuddle lots though and love each other.

blueskies your DH obviously wants a child with you too, if he's ready to change his mind and agrees to IVF, it says a lot. Some men don't react well to pressure and are very very scared of fatherhood, and mind and body don't always synchronise very well. You need to talk to him calmly and tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels too.

Thank you both so much for your replies - I really appreciate it.

FingersCrossedLegsNot - thank you for your advice - that is really helpful - I will try this route too. I am now feeling so rejected and unloved and unattractive that is had made me want to not try as I am paranoid about the same thing happening with now a problem being difficulty for him to get and maintain an erection to allow for us to DTD. We had some wine last night and I told him that it was fine for us not to do anything and to not even try - Im fairly convinced we've missed the opportunity this month and Im now so stressed about it that I would prefer to read a book and go to bed early rather than for him to feel stressed and me to feel rejected - its just the easier route. I said I would do anything to help him and would be there for him but he just looked away and changed the subject

CoventGarden75 - thank you so much for your replies - Im so sorry to hear your story - its so very hard.

My DH does want a child but until this last experience - which has happended before but only a few times many many years ago - he was very very very against going the ivf route and said that he only wanted to try naturally and use that as a last option.

Now that the last week has happened and he can't get an erection he is saying ivf is the only route and wants me to go down this route even though he was adamantly against it. Its so hard as the whole thing just makes me feel so rejected, unattractive and that the problem is me as before this we were able to function fine even though I was stressing lots over many many many months about running out of time and the fact that we had to DTD lots around ovulation. So the pressure of ttc has been around for a long time but I think events at the weekend made him see me in a different light and he's now not attracted to me so I just feel distraught and devastated :-(

I did try and talk to him last night but I get the feeling that he is not being totally upfront with me - knowing him as I do - and that there is something else other than the stress and pressure of having to perform and its just so upsetting as only a week ago we were fine and this was not an issue at all and I really am convinced that I am the problem and he is finding me unattractive so it makes me feel really distraught :-(

Thank you both for your replies - I really appreciate it. I feel its such a lonely place to be with no one to talk to about this and a DH who is pushing me away at a time I need to feel really close to him on this terribly emotional and stressful ttc rollercoaster