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Original poster

IVF Mummies

11 replies

josiejump · 13/02/2004 22:50

I know there's quite a few of you out there- just wondering if you, like me, are reluctant to leave your children ( e.g.for a long weekend) or is it just me, being overly indulgent to my precious ones?! Until now I've not spent more than 1 night away from the kids, but am starting to think that I could be creating trouble for myself 20 years down the line with empty nest syndrome, or some such problem.

OP posts:
suedonim · 13/02/2004 23:51

Not an IVF mum, Josiejump, but I have four children aged between 28 and 7 and I've probably voluntarily spent three nights on my own in total, in all that time. I've also spent a night alone due to one of them being in hospital and the other staying with a neighbour. Oh, and I had three or four nights on my own when I had my appendix out!!

Dh and I just don't feel the need to go away without our children and in any case we've almost always lived hundreds of miles from family so had no one to take over. Ds1 now lives in Los Angeles and that is hard to cope with at times, being so far away.

maryz · 13/02/2004 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
josiejump · 15/02/2004 22:39

Just feeling a bit of pressure at the moment from dh to go away - wish he felt more like like your dh suedonim. It causes a bit of friction TBH, that I feel he just suits himself all the time, and he feels that I put the kids first

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 15/02/2004 22:42

Well my dd was so nearly IVF - the day before my appointment to discuss it I found out I was pregnant after 3 years of trying!

But must say though I hate leaving her it does do us good every so often to have a break. Makes me remember what it was like without kids (and we do spend the whole time saying "dd would love that, dd must come her next time" etc!)

Have been trying for the next one for a while so may be trying IVF soon I guess.

suedonim · 15/02/2004 22:59

That must be hard, JosieJ, if your dh does what he wants regardless. My dh has worked away from home for much of our married life, so I suppose in his case, he values seeing the children when he is home. Having said that - we're now going to a wedding in May, on our own for two nights! Ds2, who's 24, is taking over the reins with the dd's but I predict a falling-out between him and the 16yo over the weekend.

CookieMonster · 16/02/2004 12:39

Josiejump, my dd was an IVF baby and I've never spent a night away from her (she will be 3 next week). I have had pressure put on me from work to do training courses but I just refuse because I can't bear the thought of not saying goodnight and not being there when she wakes up. I know I'm going to have to change this way of thinking at some point but right now I'm very reluctant to. I don't think dh feels as strongly as I do - in his last job he spent a night away most weeks and although he didn't particularly like staying away he did it.
Our dd was the result of our 6th cycle of IVF and as such is a miracle to us .... I don't know if that feeling will ever go away completely.

kizzie · 16/02/2004 12:54

Hi Josie - my twins are IVF. They are 4 now and I have spent two nights away from them.
One for unavoidable business trip when they stayed at home with daddy.
Second time was when DH and I went to wedding that was too far away to get home from - they stayed with grandparents.

I'm feeling slightly guilty however reading this thread though because although obviously they are very very precious to me and I hate being away from them I dont really feel that this is due to IVF.
I was very anxious during the IVF and pregnancy but once they were born the IVF almost became irrelevant to me. I'll never forget that agony of not knowing if I would ever have my own child - but once Id 'got over' that (if you ever do) they just feel special because they are mine not because of how they were conceived.

(just read that back and realised that it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.)

Kizziex

elliott · 17/02/2004 21:24

kizzie, your post makes perfect sense! I have to say that I have no particular difficulties leaving ds1 (other than the normal parental ones) and really wish we were able to do it more often! Ds1 and ds2 were both IVF pregnancies and on the whole, like kizzie, I feel that this is largely irrelevant to the way I parent. Having said that, dh and I do absolutely love being parents and sometimes I think perhaps we enjoy it more because we've had to face the possibility of it not happening - so its not something we've taken for granted.

Original poster
josiejump · 17/02/2004 21:29

I think having pondered long and hard, have come to the decision not to go away with dh- mainly because it's too far to go ( NY ) for too long ( 4 nights) , will cost too much money, and we have no suitable childcare arrangements. Had his planned trip been closer to home and for a shorter time then I think I'd have gone for it, but as it is he doesn't seem too upset that I won't go, just pleased that I did kind of consider it.

I'm now feeling much happier, and relieved not to be going. Kizzie, I think I know exactly where you are comming from. And many congrats to you cookiemonster - 4 cycles was bad enough!

OP posts:
twiglett · 17/02/2004 21:30

message withdrawn

aloha · 17/02/2004 21:43

Twiglett, my friend left hospital two days after her second section (Kings) and was much happier for it...

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