People making assumptions and being nosy!

[Sparrowlegs248]

I am finding it really difficult, mostly at work, with people assuming that because i haven't any children, i obviously don't want any. I am (just) 36 and have recently started ttc. I am hugely practical about things and have never felt in the position to have children sooner. I've never said i don't want children but don't bang on at work about how i would have tried to have them years ago had life been different.

People seem to constantly be asking me if i want children, will i have any, or worse saying how they would 'piss themselves' if i got pregnant. When asked why, its because i 'obviously hate children' !!!! I find it quite offensive and upsetting. I'm a pretty private person and don't feel the need to share this sort of personal stuff at work. Does anyone else get this or am i just being oversensitive?

One person, when the general office talk was contraception, suggested my DH get a vasectomy being as we were sure we didn't want children!

I can't believe how rude and inconsiderate and downright mean people can be! Just because you haven't shared every part of your personal life people think they can make assumptions about you!

You are not being oversensitive in the slightest!

That sounds really annoying.

I'm not quite in the same situation - but similar.

DH and I have been together for ten years. We're 32 and everyone around us is way ahead in terms of building their families!

People assume we don't want children as we haven't got any yet.

Whatever happened to people being sensible?

DH is a major planner, and didn't want to conceive before we were married. Also didn't want to get engaged until we owned a property. And then didn't want to get married until we had saved up to pay for the weeding we wanted!

So all that means is, we are now newly married, have just sold our first property and bought our second house and are now ready to ttc. Yes it's taken us ten years to get here. But that isn't cause we didn't want children, but because we wanted to set up the best life we could for them!

I can already hear some friends saying "ooh, we didn't expect this from you!" Or "was it planned?" ( a little optimistic as we aren't pregnant yet!) Think work have already boxed me into a "no children" box! All the men in our team have children. Why do they assume the few women will go without?

You aren't being oversensitive exactly, I can understand why you find it upsetting, but idiots like this make assumptions about everyone's personal lives. Particularly as regards having children.

You also get lots of posts about the opposite problem - people who assume that someone who is 36 and married is 'having problems' and ask rude and intrusive questions.

Then, god help you when you actually have children, as everyone and anyone will comment on your choices and make assumptions.

I'd see this period as a chance to practice ignoring if you possibly can. It'll make the next few years much happier

Exactly the same here jaykay we have been together a looong time but didn't want to get married before buying a house - bought the house 3 yrs ago, married this year! Glad its not just me.

I do try to ignore but its quite hard to know what to say. I have tried 'why do you think that!' but they just ignore and talk over me. Ho hum. Can't WAIT to see their faces if i am lucky enough to get preggo! Although they will assume it was an accident i'm sure....

We recently met a few couples. One of them newlyweds. One been married 16years.

It made me laugh - the newly wed was moaning about people asking - when you having children?
The long time married women just said "tell them you shag morning noon and night, but it doesn't seem to be working. Ask what sexual position did they conceive in. They probably won't interfere again!"

Although this wont work in our "opposite" situation - I thought it hilarious advice - it really made me laugh!

Try "how odd the ideas people get in their heads" and change the subject. If they keep going, just don't engage.

I can understand it's frustrating

Remember people you work with are not your friends, they are just your colleagues would you speak to them outside work or go for a drink with them? Probably not.. They are just bored in work and have nothing better to do than to wind you up. Take no notice and don't be taking anything they say to heart. Its your life not theirs and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone!

Like you said you may be taking things to heart abit more because you are ttc so you may be abit sensitive about the subject right now.. However there is two words I'd be saying to them if they spoke to me about vasectomy's in that way though!!