Finding it hard now

[ChampagneTastes]

NCed because the world does not need to know this much detail about me! I'm on month 7 of TTC which I totally appreciate is nothing compared to what some people go through. I already have a fab DS who is 13 months old so I know I'm really lucky in that respect. In my head I always wanted two children who were less than 2 years apart but that is looking less and less likely with each passing month.

The big problem now is that both myself and DH are really feeling the pressure. I'm trying very hard not to turn our sex life into a military operation but we are both very aware of peak ovulation times, etc. Every single month since we have been trying, my DS has started waking in the night during the week of peak ovulation - it's like he knows! This either means that we don't get down to business because we're looking after him, or we are too knackered to DTD! We always DTD a few times in the peak period but probably not enough.

This week, he has not interrupted us too much but DH is starting to feel the pressure and it has resulted in him not being able to... ahem... I never, ever say anything and I've been trying to refocus us on the enjoyment of DTD rather than the possible result but in the back of my mind I'm screaming "just bloody come you bastard!"

I appreciate that this is far too much information but anyone got any ideas of how to take the pressure off? We are in an awful vicious circle and DH is clearly starting to think that us not conceiving is his fault. Any advice gratefully received.

Have you thought of having next month off? Either use condoms for the month or stick to having no contraceptives but agree to just dtd if and when you feel like it with no charts, cm, opks or discussions about ttc. If you can, go away for one or two nights and get to know each other again, laughing and relaxing. Then, take the next month as it comes.

That's probably a really good idea VJONES although every fibre of my being rebels against it as October would be the last month before my self-imposed, completely unrealistic deadline. We're not into the 2ww for this month yet, got a few days to go. I think we shall take a more relaxed approach for the last week. I'm trying so hard not to put any pressure on DH but we're both just so frustrated.

I see what you're saying, I suppose it would become a chore in the end. I wish I could give you some advice, but if your D.S wakes up while you're D.T.D then what do you do about that. Could you get him looked after.
I thing Vjones suggestion is a good one and maybe if you stop trying and worrying so much it may just happen. Easier said than done though.
Also having 2 years between them is still possible.
I suppose I'm luckier in some ways only seeing my F.W.B (I wouldn't call him a partner) 2 days a week as we know the sole purpose of why we meet for sex and nothing else so we're both always in the mood and we've no chance of being interupted and whenever he comes over there's only the two of us there, but on the down side though I don't have it on tap so . That's why I don't use those O.P.K's because it's be just my luck to get a smiley face on the day I'm not seeing him, and with the best will in the world circumstances only allow us to see each twice a week. For now I'm just enjoying practicing. xx

Champagne - a self imposed deadline is only going to create stress and pressure. What are your reasons for the deadline? Maybe have a rethink about it?

I agree. Throw out the self imposed deadline. It's causing the stress. Would it be so terrible if there was two-three years between your dcs?

You are all right about the deadline thing obviously. It's not really a deadline, more like an expectation and a fervent wish. We've always talked about our children being close in age and I'm just very sad that that might not happen. I know I should try to forget about it but there's also the fact that, to be honest, I want to get all my childbearing over and done with. I'm getting older and the longer it takes to conceive, the higher the chance that if/when I do, there could be a problem. I have, rather stupidly, pinned all my life plans on having a child before this time next year.

I suppose it's the lack of control that really bugs me. We're doing everything we should be and biology is still letting us down. And I can't talk to anyone about it which makes it much much harder.

Seven months must feel a lifetime bit it's really not. One of my friends felt the same as you but fell pg in month 9. So don't give up! And if you reach 12 months and want to seek help, there will be plenty out there. I think you just need to scrap your deadline and relax about it if possible.

Thank you VJONES for being kind. You are entirely right, it's just getting this panic-stricken voice in my head to shut the hell up. And making sure that DH does the same. It makes me so sad that this is starting to cause him stress. I will try to calm down! :)

Believe me, I would be exactly the same as you in this situation but ttc causes stress for all couples and it's important to take time out together and focus on something other than ovulation ;)

It is hard when pregnancy does not happen when we want, but agree having a month of less pressure may help. Our journey to child one was 7 years of ttc and the more we stressed the worse our relationship I found.

HoopHopes glad you got there in the end! 7 years sounds unbearable - how did you cope? My DH is being utterly lovely but I can't talk to him about how I'm feeling because he will feel it as extra pressure which, clearly, won't help the situation. I do know I'm being ridiculous really. It just seems like nothing is going our way at the moment.

Champagne it was tough but the more I stressed about it the worse it got for us. Stress made things hard for is and was counter productive for ttc. Having a month or two off every so often really helped actually. I do not think all men think like us, especially when they have produced one child.

Yes, I know what you mean. I may stop totting up the days for a month or two. Of course not until I'm out the other side of this tww.