did you find it harder ttc for your first or your second or subsequent children?

[wannaBe1974]

Just something I was thinking about earlier. I remember that when I was ttc for my DS I was a member of ukparents and remember reading on various forums how devostated people were when getting a bfn, and a lot of them already had 1,2 or more children. I remember thinking to myself that "they've got children already, but I might never know what it feels like to have a baby". But this morning a poster said on another topic to someone that "you already have one" and I think i may have responded a bit harshly in saying that perhaps it wasn't wise to make such a comment because it's equally hard for people who already have a child.

When it took me a long time to conceive my DS, I was totally upset every month, this time we've been trying for the same amount of time and I think this time it's actually been worse, even though I've told myself that I already have a child and there are some who don't, I know this time what I'm missing if that made sense?

So was just wondering what anyone else's experiences/thoughts were on the matter?

I conceived straight away with my DD and was totally delighted. When this didn't happen with my DS I was devastated and began to think I had secondary infertility! Totally over the top but I found it really hard even. I think it was exactly because of what you say - you know what you are missing. I'm not saying that it's any easier not having any I just don't know how that feels.

I got pregnant first time of trying for my son and I was very aware how lucky I was. I had thought it would take ages or may never happen. That was why my dp and I started trying after knowing each other for only 3 months as we never thought we would be that lucky first time!

This time I thought I would be lucky again but sadly 13 months have passed and had one mc and now am on fertility drugs. Its been awful and I know that trying for one when you have none is much much worse but that doesn't detract from the pain of not getting a 2nd. (It must be also harder not have 3rd/4th etc but theres probably less people asking you about another one and as you have 2 there is none of that judging of only children that goes on).

The worst thing for me is being surrounded by babies/pregnant women all day and I get asked at least twice a week am I having another. You can't relax and conceive on a nice holiday or whatever people advise because you have another child. I read something that really summed it up recently for me I shall see if I can find it.

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Yes i too remember a freind seeing a fertility specialist whilst trying for a second and I though why she has one already, whats the big deal.

I conceived easily with ds1. When he was 10months I caught again but miscarried at 10wks. I was devastated. But even worse I couldn't catch again until ds1 was 2yo. I know some have it a lot worse but those seemed like the longest months ever and each month I felt I was reliving the m/c.
I had cautery of my cervix and d&c and became pg the 2nd month after that. Ds2 was born when ds1 was 2y9m.

ds was 1st, I was on the pill but had a gastric upset, doc said my pills had been taken enough time either side of the upset to still work
He was wrong Thankfully might I add
dd, I had just moved in with dp (after 18 mths together,) on New Yrs Eve 2001 we said if we'll leave it a month then start ttc,
Feb was looking at a + test, dd born October
ttc # 3 since dd was born
I am now 36 and aftr 3 yrs ttc #3 every month its getting closer and closer to giving up.
I do not think it is easy in either situation to be honest

same with me, it took 2 months first time with DS (now 2y3months) and we've been trying for a year now, with a miscarriage 2 months ago. Perhaps with one child already and all the energy that takes, we are a bit depleted physically, which makes conception harder? another mum I know who is a naturopath said this might well be the problem, it is amazingly common. I agree that you know what you are missing, which makes it much harder, and also, that as soon as a baby is born it is a real little person with a little personality - so being pregnant seems more precious also, a real person is coming into being, the first time round it is so abstract...

in some ways, the mc made me realise in a real way (of course we all know this anyway in our heads but it is hard to really "live" that knowledge!) that worrying gets you absolutely nowhere (I was full of anguish about not getting pg, then once I was pg, I kept worrying what if something went wrong and then of course it did) you get through whatever happens. I'm just trying to take extra good care of myself physically and mentally and concentrate on that. I was reading in one of the "best friends guides to..." that we should give ourselves as much care as we give to our children (we are all precious individuals just like they are) and somehow that is a good thought, also that oxygen mask on plane analogy - sort your own oxygen mask first before helping others.

sorry to blab on but this has really been on my mind recently, its a great thread to start... the ttc after miscarriage thread is a great place too...

Hi, I would echo what has been said already. We had dd (now 3) after 1 month of trying ) and tbh, we didn't try that hard). I am extremely grateful of that, and of the fact that, yes, we at least have one child.
Me and dh have only been trying 3 months so far, but I think because we conceived dd so quickly, we kind of expected it to be the same this time around - sadly not so far.
The reason we didn't ttc earlier was that I wanted a reasonable gap between dd and number 2, and having conceived dd so quickly, thought we shouldn't rush in to anything. Now I have the concern that if we don't conceive soonish, the gap will be too wide.
It's all so difficult!
Anyway, onwards and upwards

Alex that artacle is so apt imo :)

SOL I know exactly what you're saying about the gap. When I was pg with ds we always said that we would probably wait till he was at least 3.5 before trying for another one, but then I wanted one sooner than that and we started trying when he was 2.5, and although it had taken a long time to conceive him, and I mentally prepared myself for trying for over a year, I wasn't prepared for the upset it caused when I failed to get pregnant, especially a couple of months ago when I skipped a period and despite negative pregnancy tests, a gp told me she thought I was almost certainly pregnant. It turned out not to be.

I became pregnant really easily first time round. Second time it took 8 months and I was getting really anxious. I was referred to gynaecologist but it turns out I was probably pregnant when I went for my visit. Because it took so long to conceive with no. 2 we didn't bother too much about contraception. Ended up pregnant with no.3 when no.2 was 7 months old

I became pregnant really easily first time round. Second time it took 8 months and I was getting really anxious. I was referred to gynaecologist but it turns out I was probably pregnant when I went for my visit. Because it took so long to conceive with no. 2 we didn't bother too much about contraception. Ended up pregnant with no.3 when no.2 was 7 months old

This thread is sooo interesting. It is amazing how hard it has been to conceive second/third etc time around. It has made me slightly nervous I have to say, and somewhat naive in thinking that it would all happen like clockwork. I kind of assumed that my body would be all set to go for number 2!!

Very interesting thread.

I have been thinking about this recently.

I fell pregnant first time.
And we weren't even really, trying, at that stage.
Dh was a bit miffed that we didn't even get to practice more

Whilst,I knew I was lucky.
I still kind of stupidly assumed that I would fall quickly again.

6 first time mums, at the same time as me.
2 have had their second child.
1 is pregnant.
They have already had 3 miscarriages ( of their second child) between them.
The other three are desperately trying to conceive.

Dh and I are still at the wondering stage - wondering whether to have another.
So we havn't actually started trying yet.

But my friends experiences, and this thread, show that even if you fall pregnant easily the first time, is is not necessarly easy in the future.

Good luck to us all.

first time round - took a couple of months. and time - first try.... however have other friends who had no problem first time and have taken much longer to conceive 2nd time - and others who thought 2nd might take a while and fall pregnant first try. Seems to be no real pattern.

this has made me miserable.

Have 9 month old, and we have decided that we want another one before he gets too much older.

Am lucky, have a v regular cycle, so fairly clear when the window of opportunity is for conception.

But having agreed to a second child, DH is now dragging his feet and refusing to make love at the crucial time saying he's "too tired!"

It is making me SOOOOOOOOO FRUSTRATED!!!! Every month that goes by to me now is a bigger potential age gap between the two children. Dammit.

[ahem, attempts to regain composure...oh sod it - who am i kidding? argh!]

Fell pregnant with my DD the first month of trying. Came of the pill one month, pregnant 2 weeks later. With my DS it took 9 months of actively trying. I just thought it would have happened as quickly the second time as it did the first. Fell pregnant with DD2 the first month of trying.

I am not having any more, but perhaps I conceived girls easier than boys (although I didn't conceive at all when I was trying for my second child).

Dd was conceived the first month we tried (the only time that month I might add!) and although technically I have only really been trying for #2 for a month it feels like longer as I've been waiting for af to return for 6 months, all the while hoping to get pg. Af has now been and gone and is very late, but got bfn this morning, so looks like I have to wait another few months for my cycle to settle down. I don't know if its cos I've read too much about secondary infertility or cos I can't believe I'll get lucky twice but I'm just so scared it'll take forever. It seems much worse this time around as I see the age gap getting bigger, people keep asking when we are having another one, and also last time around I found ways to distract myself. This time its hard to start up new hobbies,etc with a toddler in tow and everything in my life is so very baby at the moment. I'm just dreading the first announcement of someone else in my circle having their second.

Sorry for the long rant!

All three were conceived within six weeks of trying BUT I am a bit erm obsessive about thngs, so even in that time period I was feding DH brazil nuts and doing the hip thing.

It took us about 6 months of ttc for dd, and took nearly 12 months for no 2, which i am currently pg with, you just taje for granted i think that 2nd, 3rd etc pregnancies will be easy but definately not always the case.

It took us about 6 months of ttc for dd, and took nearly 12 months for no 2, which i am currently pg with, you just take for granted i think that 2nd, 3rd etc pregnancies will be easy but definately not always the case.

I conceived my first after 6 to 9 months of trying and then it took three years, infertility investigations, going on clomid and an ectopic pg before i conceived my dd, who is now 19 weeks old.

It was sooo hard - everyone i knew it seemed had one or even two babies in that time, and as i was a sahm i was constantly surrounded by pg and babies. That was really hard. You genuinely feel happy when people are pg but it really hurts. I felt bad in lots of ways - because i was putting myself though stress and not just concentrating on ds i felt bad for him and like i was missing his childhood and at the same time also trying to enjoy it as i might not have another. I honestly think it is just as bad as primary infertility as you know even more what you are missing by not having another and i wanted ds to have a sibling.

I feel very lucky that we now have our second and it was worth every moment of the anguish when i see her smile and gurgle at me.

Another one here....... dd1 conceived on first attempt. But took 1.5 yrs, fertility investigations & 3 rounds of clomid to conceive no. 2. I was beginning to lose hope, but was SO grateful to have dd & to have conceived her so easily. I think it's far harder for childless couples who are experiencing fertility problems than those of us who are lucky enough to already have a child. But there are different pressures...... the wanting to give dd a sibling and the constant "aren't you going to have another one" as we didn't want to tell people we were actually ttc (didn't want the additional pressure). So we're now going to have a huge age gap (5.5 yrs!) but I'm so grateful to be finally pregnant again that it's really of no consequence

feeling incredibly lucky having read this thread. DS (now 1 yr) conceived after 2 months of ttc and am currently preg with our second baby from our first (and only) attempt. Good luck everyone