OK. This is a very silly first-worldy sort of issue, especially to anyone who has struggled with genuine difficulty to conceive but I can't talk to anyone irl about this except Dh and I haven't really got it straight in my head yet so don't want to drag him into interminable conversations until I know where I'm going with this.
DS was born a year and a half ago, he was conceived the first month of trying. Things didn't go brilliantly during the birth and I then had horrific post natal care which led to flashbacks, nightmares etc etc blah-di-blah.
Fast forward to now. We've been trying for DC2 for three months. The first month was very half arsed, the second one was still a bit tentative, plus my af arrived ten days early (for the first time ever), but the month just gone we really went all-out and put our backs into it. After symptom spotting for a week I started bleeding properly today and obviously this month was not our month.
Basically I feel unbelievably sad. I feel like I felt when I was trying to come to terms with how wrong my birth experience had gone. I feel like my body has let me down again. I feel stupidly heartbroken for someone who has only recently decided to even try.
Someone talk some sense to me. Someone offer some explanation why I'm so very dispirited. Is Flisspaps around? She offered so much kind and sensible advice after my son was born that I still remember her name all these months later. I need some more of that.